Someone

I've suffered from depression since I was young, maybe early 9 or 10. I've never been a religious person, and as such never saw a point in life. I eventually made it a point to help others as much as I could before I died, so no one would have to feel the pain I did. I helped a lot of friends and saved a few people from committing suicide, but I always needed a vent too, and that was my sister. She was my world, and the only person I felt really understood and cared about me and I cared about her more than anything else. She was murdered in 2009 by a stalker. Since then my depression has only gotten worse, I could never talk to anyone in my family about my problems before, and I couldn't now either. They're all suffering too, and I feel the only person I could trust to talk to is my mom, but she has since suffered from PTSD. She rarely leaves her bed, sleeps whenever she's not at work, and always has her headphones in, and never wants to talk to anyone. Recently she "retired" from her job due to an injury to her hip, she's no longer working and spends even more time just laying in bed.. I don't want to burden her with my own problems, and part of me believes there's nothing she would do anyways. She did send me to therapy for a while but it simply didn't work for me. I eventually convinced my therapist I was fine, which I do on a daily basis around friends and family anyways, but it's gotten to the point where I've ran out of options. The only person I can talk to is my friends girlfriend, and she has enough problems as it is too.. She can barely take care of herself let alone me, so I try my best to cheer her up when I can and leave my own problems out of it. I've come to realize i'm left with no one, and i'm on the verge on breaking down. Everyday I go into school and act like everything's okay, but every night I sit here at my computer alone, no one to turn to. I feel like I carry the pain of my friends on my shoulders, but in the end no one is there to carry some for me, or the only people willing to are more fragile than me. I don't know what writing this story will accomplish, though I suppose I feel a bit better already just for venting. Guess I'm just hoping for a miracle..
Shadow107 Shadow107
18-21, M
2 Responses Nov 29, 2012

Hey if you want I can help you out for just being there to talk to. I understand where you're coming from, and you seem like someone who has definitely earned the help.
Talk to you soon,
ThatNudistKid

Hey I have kinda the same problem, nobody understands me at all. even when they say they do, i know they don't because they say things like 'you'll be fine...'' i don't want to be fine, i want to be better. so, i'm here if you need someone :)