So Lost, Alone And Confused

i'm in a situation where i am married though it's a loveless dead marriage -- husband has checked out and i am in love with someone else -- someone much younger than me. i want the best of both - i want my young lover to be in my husband so i can have a happy marriage again. of course i know this isn't possible but still i want it.

so now i'm in this situation where i can no longer stop myself from feeling these feelings. and i have no means of satisfying them bc we live in different parts of the country -- which i guess in a way is better but i honestly don't know what my answer would be if he asked for me to come to him.

i have no one i can talk to about this. and i am so ashamed of myself. but i don't want to stop. after so many years of being completely rejected by the one man who's supposed to love me, i am being paid attention to again. and he wants me and tells me all about what he wants to do to my body and when he speaks i come alive again. how can i give that up to go back to being a dead doormat for a man to walk all over again?

i don't know. i don't expect you to know either. i guess i'm just saying it out loud. i know i am ridiculous. just utterly ridiculous.
marketnohow marketnohow
41-45
Dec 5, 2012