I Just Don't Know What To Do...

I'm 20... I should be happy and out there having fun, right? I have a great boyfriend and after living in a ymca and a mental rehabillitation project i now have my own flat in the community. I suffer with extreme moods, one minute I am hyper, spending money I don't have, accumulating debts the next I am wanting to jump off a cliff.
I've got through the worst of the stuff that has happened in life, and while I still don't have answers to things and I can accept whats happened to me I still suffer everyday.
I don't remember the last time I was truly happy.
Christmas eve last year, I was out in a happy mood, then this changed due to one argument and I tried to kill myself and spent christmas day in hospital.
My moods have gone severely downhill again recently, i'm finding I just want to be ridiculously drunk all the time... I lived this way for a year drinking alcohol every day from the minute I woke up until I passed out trying to have a good time... block everything out. I stopped this without help after it got out of hand and i began mixing alcohol with tramadol.
Now I rely on a bad marijuana addiction to get me through the days and I am starting to turn back to alcohol.
I have no drive to do anything, I can't think of anything about myself that I like. I turn around every mirror in my home just so I don't have to see myself.
I don't see friends or family, it is too much for me. I don't work or go out. I tried going back to college but I've also been suffering with endometriosis and other abdominal problems to a disabling level for the past year, I have had enough.
I feel alone. I can't talk about the things on my mind usually other than to my partner, but we keep falling out and he'd rather do overtime at work than be with me when i'm really sick.
Somebody please help me.
sasunaru sasunaru
Dec 6, 2012