There's Nothing To Say.

I titled this saying that there is nothing to say, this is because I've tried asking people for help, and no one has come or they've ignored me. Granted, I've not asked everybody, but if I announced it would I not be seen as attention seeking and stupid? I would.

I was unfortunate enough to fall in love with my best friend and for her to fall in love with me. And I have, without a doubt, spent some of the happiest moments of my life with her. But then we broke up, it really couldn't have been predicted, not even in retrospect. And I hate myself for it. Specifically because I didn't fight for her back, figuratively that is. We'd broke up several times before and each time we'd gotten back together. Except now it was different. We didn't. She started dating others. And when I learnt this I spent several days of my holiday (I found out she was dating others whilst abroad with my family) bed bound. Not moving.
It wasn't long after this I started self-harming, and this is really significant I feel, because I'd always seen self-harm and suicide as really wrong. And I really didn't care. Why would I care, everything that had given me meaning, had ceased to give me meaning anymore. I felt as a devout christian would if they learnt, in an instant, that God did not exist. She was my world, a vast majority of my behaviour was centric around her. And now it is centric around nothing.
I continued to... I continue to self-harm. And continute to keep it to myself.

Yesterday I had a huge argument with my family and was threatened with being kicked out. I guess I'm closer and closer to giving up, with everything, and that's not me saying i've given up. Not yet. However I feel it's not far off. I'm just sick and tired of everything, everything. I really don't know what to do, I have nothing, and there's nothing that I feel I can do, and I can't not do anything, that's impossible.
I'm sick of people, they walk round acting like they have reasons to act the way they do, they act as if the knowledge they have right now is sufficient enough to allow them to act in particular ways to people. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you cannot see outside your field of vision, you only know what you know, and that is negligible in comparison to what you don't know. If you're reading this, and you're going to take anything away from this, please let it be this: you cannot see outside your field of vision.

I'm just sick and tired of everything. Ignorance and then arrogance founded on ignorance. Why can't the world be a better place? I know I'm not the only one suffering from it. So please, be nice to every single person you ever meet, because you don't know what they think, feel, how they really want to act, who they want to be, and if they are negative, ask yourself why, and answer it with "I don't know". Then act on that. The world would be a million times better if people knew they don't know things.

I got sidetracked and no one may listen, but I don't care, I think I just wanted to speak.
PengiunPhilosophy PengiunPhilosophy
18-21
Dec 6, 2012