This Is Probably Pointless To Read

I'm not even doing this so people read it, or "hear" it, whatever. I'm doing this so I stop saying it to myself. I have never fit in, I'm nearly positive I never will. I act like I'm fine with this, because its not like anyone would notice anyways. I feel like I was born to be perfect, blonde hair, big blue/green eyes, high cheek bones, long legs, thick hips, yada yada yada, but I never made it. I mean, advanced classes, varsity sports, tons of friends, but I've never fit in. it sounds so stupid, but I've always been jealous of everyone with a "clique". Never in my life has there been anywhere i fit in. In elementary school its cause I was white, or a boy, middle school cause I wasn't white enough, and wore boy clothes, and high school because I wasn't sure what I was anymore.
I mean, i have friends, I know how to make them, but even they don't invite me to hang out, or accept me because I'm not part of their ******* clique. I think I was supposed to be born a boy, a boy that speaks ebonics and gets good grades is accepted by everyone, a girl is shunned. its not that I want to be a boy, I just think maybe my mom got her vicodin fix at the wrong time or something and somehow a pretty girl came out instead. I mean, there's way more to all of this, but this is enough to make me feel better. At least good enough to sleep.
ifeeldumb ifeeldumb
18-21, F
11 Responses Dec 14, 2012

I didn't "fit in" when I was in high school. I was entirely a "loner". That changed in college and when I went to work. Real adults are more able to recognize a person's qualities and they can appreciate uniqueness. Put yourself out there and you'll attract people who will love you for who you are.

Being excepted and fitting in is important in our development, however just being yourself is more important than trying to be someone your not. If people can't except you for who you are then they are no friend of yours. Friends except you for who you are and will not fault you for being an individual. Don't live your life following the tune of the masses. Follow and make your own path, you will find like minded people and people will find you. Just be yourself. As much as your screen name implies no one is dumb, Its their just miss understood.

You're gonna turn out fine. As long as you are truly happy with yourself the right persons will accept you for you. Be good

Hey- I was one of the oddest people growing up- no friends, no life - nothing
Now I'm 45 - I've got a job, my own business, a beautiful wife

It will work out ok in the end
But you must look for the light at the end of the tunnel - if u stay in the dark- it will always be dark.

And things always look worse than what they are - keep smiling, be positive - and eventually, you will have all yours hearts desires.

Markxx

<p>You shouldnt feel dumb bcuz u feel like expressing yourself. We are human and all different therefore we have different issues. Yes some worse than others but that doesnt mean u have to be silent bcuz u dont think your issue is as important. It may not be as serious than others but its ok if u want to share, vent and just get it out in the open. It helps just to know somebody is reading, listening and hears your voice through EP other than holding it in. I hope things work out for u. Keep writing if it helps. As I hope to change my sad and depressing stories on EP to happy ones I hope u eventually chang your name to something positive. Keep coming back! You are somebody and we hear u! Welcome to the EP clique!</P>

hi i can relate somewhat i can make friends but most times i find that either being talked about, which sends me nuts an i just want to punch them i have friends but dont get asked out much im a pretty cool person well i think i am. im good to my mates always giving but i admit that i get annoyed when i know im being taken advantage of i hate it so much an im the kind of person that will stand up for myself an everyone knows if they need someone im always there to listen but they forget that i have absolutely noone to talk too i dont get on much with my family although if they needed me im there no questions asked i feel for you an i kind of hope that maybe we can talk to each other this is my first time doing this im 26 live in australia.

PS - Change your name to something positive because you are about a million miles from dumb. Try "ifeelsmart" or "ifeelcute" or "iamunique" or "imspecial". Celebrate the positive and become it! And write. Articulate your feelings and define yourself. You are not the Lone Ranger. Many just like you have gone before you, blossomed, transformed, evolved, actualized. They got where you want to be. And many will come behind you, awkward and stumbling, lonely and searching for who they are. Reach back and give them a hand. It's your destiny.

Its not that I AM dumb, I mean I know I'm not, I just feel dumb saying all my silly problems when...well when there are children getting shot,and people with cancer, and god knows what else

There will always be heartache in this world of ours. We're challenged to deal with it and strive to change it. But just because there are greater problems doesn't mean that our own become unworthy of expression. If all the little problems of the world were left to fester in the shadows of the big deal things, then there would be an even greater increase in huge problems. If we take care of things while they ate at the personal and manageable level, then we cam live in a better world of many more happy people.

you promise? I mean, I love who I am, and I love being "alone" in a way, but I don't wanna be forever

You're young and I'm old. But when I was your age I certainly wasn't like everybody else in many ways. I often felt like the proverbial square peg wanting to be in that round hole. But I wasn't willing to reshape myself just so I could fit their hole and declare myself "normal" and a member of the "in crowd". I didn't want to compromise my values. There wasn't anything wrong with me. So in time, I learned to like who I was and prize my difference. I found my niche, my friends and my comfort zone. It just took a few years to get there. So don't despair. You'll get there too and it will be a very happy place. I promise! :)

I guess I never noticed that, maybe that the issue, their all changing into some normal mass of knowledge gained from the norm, and I am what I've always been, even if I don't know what that is. I feel better already! Thanks stranger :)

Thank you for sharing your story. One thing I gleaned from your post is that you know who you are and will not make any compromises about it and that is great. One day though, I'm sure you'll find that bunch of friends you'll feel very comfortable with. You're still young. You still have to meet a lot of new people. :)