Lonely And Possibly Depressed

I am a male 21 years old who always had trouble making friends. I am a quite person and I don't talk much, unless I can find someone who have the same interests with me. I managed to finish high school, and I have to confess it was very taugh for me, as pretty much there was nobody to talk with there. Because I was not talking much, everybody was ignoring me. I thought that this hell would end at this point, but it didn't. The things got worse.
After finishing school, I joined a school to learn a profession. While the things were going good at the beggining, they got pretty bad. I made some friends there, but they left me so I stopped this school, as I could not handle this.
I began an other school this year, and the things were good. I've made some good friends, but because I always tend to destroy things and situations, I act without thinking and I probably lost them too. We actually stopped talking with each other. Furthermore, I think I face a mild depression or bipolar disorder. I have some serious financial issues, and when my friends were calling me to hang out, I had to refuse using several reasons because I don't have money. This would make me feel very depressed, as I was always scared and anxious if they would let me out of their company.
So basically, I made some things and they don't talk to me anymore. And here I am now, totally depressed. I cried a lot and don't have more tears to cry. I am a dead walker, drinking some beer fast to calm down. All I want is a comet to hit my house at 21/12 for my hell to be finished and die. I can't stand this loneliness, lack of money for basic stuff and depression anymore.
maikgr20 maikgr20
18-21, M
Dec 15, 2012