Im Still Here Arent I ?
I was born addicted to heoin. My mom abandoned me at a young age so i grew up without her. Days short from my twelve birthday, I was introduced too Ecstasy. By 7th grade I was addicted. That year I woke up too being sexually abused, that left me severely depressed, I started cutting, and developed a eating disorder. One night I hit a vein and collapsed.
Eventually, I stoped respecting my body, I was doing things regularly that I would never expect myself to do in a million years, for tabs. I started selling until someone ratted on me. That night I over dosed. My parents finally opened their eyes and saw my problem. I got help and was sober off drugs for a year. Little did I know this was only the beginning.
At 14 I was hanging out downtow. I first started doing coke, then crack. People found out and they would nag me about it , I'd act as if it didn't phase me, but in reality it drove me insane. I fell in love with a boy named Damien*, who was against hard drugs, so for him I got clean. He didn't treat me good, but I put up with it, until he had sex with my best friend and I dropped both of them.
I was devastated. I lost everyone. Everything. I begun to smoke Crystal Meth at 15. It made me look at things at another point. I started getting around, Id have sex just too feel loved; People started calling me names, and I hit rock bottom. I forgot what it wa like too be happy, it's like once your depressed, its the only feeling you've ever felt and its all you ever will feel.
In May 2012, I met Kyle* through Damien. We hit it off instantly. He had money, He became my everything, only problem was he was a speed addict. He was also 9 years older then me. On my 16th birthday he tricked me into doing a line of meth, thinking it was coke.
With in time I moved in with him and my addiction worsened. We blew his money and started doing bad things for more. One night he went car hopping, but got arrested. He was sentenced 7 months.
I started hanging around even worse people, and put myself in horrible situations. I was having sex for for money and drugs, whatever drugs. I wasnt happy with my life, but it was my life and I did what i thought was right.
Heroin was introduced to me at 16, it made me sick, I couldnt handle it. I only did it for about a month, until my dealer was busted, so I went back too meth. It was cheaper. Lasts longer, and easier too find. I cant begin too explain how I feel for this drug..Without it my body aches, I cry. Within the last month, ive had four seizures during withdrawls.
I recently started doing oxis, but they are harder to come across and also rather quite expensive.
A girl was slaughtered in my city bout a week ago. It horified me. I started getting high with her bestfriend. next thing you know, Im hanging with the men she was last known to be alive with. In the same hotel room. theyre 20 years older then me. That innocent girl could havd been me. Better yet, I could be next. The men are now being questioned by homicide detectives.
Kyle called me after a few months and I now have somthing too look forward to in my future. He gets out in 9 days. He knows im struggling with using, but if it wasn't for him I'd be clean, off meth atleast. but hes gonna take it day by day with me.
Lately some nights I lay in bed nd thinking about not waking up.. Its at that moment where you just don't give a **** anymore. Live or die, hate or love... same s**t different day. It hurts me too say, but it has become my only priority, I will do anything and everything for it, I've put it in front of my own family and I myself.
I perfer to look at addiction as more of a sickness, then a choice, because no one would ever choose too live this lifestyle, ever. You make one bad decision and it'll stick with you forever, and could even barry you. You will lose more and more respect for yourself until you can't stand whats looking back at you in the mirror, and you snap. Everything you once had is gone, and now a memory, you know what you want in life, but cant reach it. But what alot of people don't realize is, Once you've hit rock bottom, the only direction you can go.. is up.
If you read that all, your a saint.