A New Year

It's officially a new year. It's crazy thinking about how much this past year was so downhill for me, as were the past few years. I think it's partly my fault, I wonder if I am even meant to be happy, I can change my future of course, but I can't think about being happy when I know that i'll just be sad later. It seems pointless and quite frankly it tires me out just thinking about the future. I wish I could think more positive about myself, I hate looking in the mirror because I am so disgusted at what I see, a typical teenager thing to say, but it isn't for me, it's something so much more. I don't think any person will wanna put up with me with all my imperfections, they say they don't mind, but they always do. I hate myself for caring about people so damn much and especially the ones who don't deserve it. I hate that I am so needy, but really I just want someone to talk to. I always seem to lose everyone, the one person who has stuck with me for 8 years, well we don't even talk about the personal stuff, because I don't want her leaving me as well. She is really the only friend I have left, and it hurts saying that, but in the end, she is always there to put a smile on my face, rather it be something completely stupid or not, I am honestly most thankful for her. I have other people I talk to, but I can tell from conversations that I don't mean as much to them as they do to me. And I've finally freakin' realized that, and it's taken me this damn long. I guess for this new year, I should just try and focus on me and my future, friends come and go, but life doesn't stop for anyone. I need to stop worrying about these people who do me no good in life, it's driving me crazy. I need no no I want to be happy.
alaskagrayson alaskagrayson
18-21, F
1 Response Jan 1, 2013

I understand that there were lots of times I felt like I would go crazy with no one to talk to I just found this site and already I feel better. Living in Alaska can have it's problems like sometimes there is no one to talk to. You can talk to me anytime you want I am a 28 year old female.
There was a time in my life when I was a little younger than you I seemed to like all the things that would hurt me in the long run. I found out that it was my own personal choices that were making me misserable. I finally learned how to view things from the outside, and no be so impulsive. Just sometimes stepping back and looking at something like you were watching a friend make the decisions, and saying to yourself what would you tell your best friend if it were her making a decision.
This time of year it does seem to be harder to find the happiness here but it is there waiting.