LonelinessWell I don't really know how I'm supposed to do this around here but I'll just go with it. Basically I am a teenager, I'm turning 16 in a few months, and I have big problems trying to figure out what I want to do with my life and I just feel lonely and I don't know what to do.
When people first meet me they think that I don't have problems at all, that my life is so amazing just because my family's financial state is pretty good and I got into a really good highschool (second best in the whole country) and I'm pretty much nice to everyone who talks to me. Everything seems perfect from the outside but it's not.
First of all, I have like no friends, besides some people on the internet. I'm not like a loner or anything, I love hanging out with people, I'm really outgoing, but it seems that nobody really wants me around at parties or just simple group outings to the park. I'm that one girl that nobody hates nor loves, I'm just there, you know what I mean? It might be because I'm pretty fat, I don't know, but it's really painful. It feels like if I'd die right there nobody would notice.
Second of all, everybody expects me to be the perfect kid, the one that never screws up... they expect me to be succesfull in life. My father puts alot of pressure on me. I'm not saying he doesn't love me, he actually loves me to death but it just feels like I'll never be good enough for him. All the good grades, I could do without them, but I would hate dissapointing him. I don't know what I should do to make him proud but also feel happy myself. Oh and the worst part, I don't even know what I want to do with my future. I don't have any talents, any passions I could make a career of. I don't know how I could ever handle college or a job, I'm just so pathetic.
Third of all, I constanly feel like the biggest loser out there because I'm like the only one of my friends who has never had a boyfriend. I just want to know how it feels to have someone by your side, someone who truly cares about how your day was or about your wishes. I never felt that and it seems like I never will. I feel like I'll turn out to be 40 and still single. Even tho I'm pretty fat I don't think that's the reason why I don't get any male attention. I mean, I see girls who are chubbier than me and they have boyfriends and guys are all over them. I just don't get what I'm doing wrong. I just want to feel loved and needed
You might think I'm just a spoiled teen after you read this and I don't know I could be. But right now these are my problems and I can't find any solutions.
I am lonely. I need someone to talk to.
Thank you for reading. <3
hiddenfeelings 13-15, F 14 Responses 5 Jan 8, 2013