All my life i've lived hoping that someday i would wake up somewhere else. I've lived praying that all of this is some sort of dream, or just a lie - that all of this was just a surface beneath a mystical world of whimsy and awe. I've hoped that i would someday be pulled out of this life, out of the city and into a forest untouched by man - Hoping that someday school would become a distant memory as i journeyed into lands unknown on adventures with friends who would never leave my side. I wished that my life would someday become like that of a story. I had convinced myself for the longest time that someday, far away in the future, it would happen. Like, i would wake up and be in a different body or in a different room to be greeted by a mystical stranger. I have always envied movie characters, because they've always been lucky enough to have "won the lottery" and be whisked away to their own quest. Harry Potter, Neo, the list goes on and on. Deep down in my heart, i didn't want money, success, or even love. All i could ever wish for was to be taken away from this world. But, after eighteen years of my life, i've lost that.

I've lived hoping that every cruel day was just an illusion. Every morning as i felt myself becoming conscious, i held my eyes closed for a moment, holding my breath. I listened for any change in the environment, and of course, there was none. Every night, i begged to not wake up to this again. Years went on, repeating the cycle. Its left me defeated, empty, hollow. I've lived all my life and pushed through every day by convincing myself that this all didn't mean anything, and as sad as it sounds, it gave me hope. it filled me with enough energy to put on a face for my family and my friends, but now, it only drains me of anything i have left. i havent told anyone this, not even my best friend, my girlfriend of 4 years. I found this site, and i guess its the one of the only places i can write this. If you've read this, just please - Find a reason to live your life, because i've only wished for a way to live another.
CrimsonSphere CrimsonSphere
1 Response Jan 9, 2013

hi hun i have felt this way before have you seen a doctor