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Where Do I Go From Here.

Hello, I am new here and not really sure how this works. My girlfriend of 5 years/fiancé has just split up with me. I thought everything was going great. I hate my job, I only started doing it because my stepdad had a stroke and needed my help. But now that he is better he is not paying me and not giving me work. I am now in debt and bills keep piling up. My car is no longer running. I am struggling to eat properly, when I do have money for food, I just don't feel like eating. I turn to my friends to support, but they are heavily into the drug and binge drinking scene, so I always end up written off and not feeling much better. I have recently moved back in with my mother, wich makes me feel really pathetic. I ask her for support. But she dosent seem to worry. I Do not no where to f
Go or what to do. I would quit my job but I am 6 months away from finishing a apprenticeship. I don't know what to do. It's like my life is falling to pieces and I have no idea why. I don't know where I go or how to fix it
Sadconfusedguy Sadconfusedguy 22-25, M 26 Responses Jan 15, 2013

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If you need someone to talk to, check out 7 cups of tea, it's a great site

if u don't like your job now I doubt your going to learn to like it. you should figure out what u want from life then figure out how to get that but don't rush it some ppl go there whole lives with out doing this because its so hard in the meantime do the best u can do at whatever u do it seems simple but when u have a goal that means something to u everything else tends to fall into place hope this helped if u ever want to talk message me

Grow up, finish school and help you mother out , and church might help. God helps those whom ask and help themselfs.

you feel no one love you,, But if i were you try to focus to your job or find another job to focus all your attention... start on your own for you to succeed... Dont lost hope god will always there for you...

One thing I've definitely learned about life is that nothing is ever easy, and it always feels like when it rains it really pours buckets. But another thing I've also learned is that day by day, it will always get better. Just as nothing can stay perfectly happy forever, nothing stays bad forever either. "This too shall pass" is perhaps a cliche, but it's a darn good one in my book, because it's the truth.

Maybe for the short term start setting little goals for yourself. Things you can accomplish in the next few days or the next few weeks. Look at completing your apprenticeship as an achievement, the way a student looks at a graduation as the reason to keep going to class when they really, really don't want to. OR, if you've really had it with your job, then take a few months to plan out what your change will be. That can be fun.

Start looking at going back to school as an example to change careers that way. Or randomly look on to see what jobs are even out there. Just get your brain thinking about "options". You'd be amazed how quickly it'll help you feel less "stuck".

And absolutely don't be ashamed of living with your mother right now. In my belief, that's what family is for. Family supports one another. Right now your mother is helping and supporting you, and some day there will come a time when you will be there to support her. It is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Quite frankly, I think we make too big a deal in our culture about the notion of "Growing up and moving on", as though somehow that's the only way to prove somehow that we're worthwhile individuals. The family unit should always be valued, and we're all lucky to have them.

Finally, I really am sorry to hear about the end of your relationship. That is tough. Still going through the grief process myself I definitely know what it's all about letting go of/losing someone you love. And to have them be the ones to walk away is certainly a lot harder yet. But even that will get better. I promise.

Just always remember this: you always have more power and control over your life than you might think you do. Sometimes you just have to look around a little to find it.

moving in with your mother is nothing to be ashamed about. if u need someone who will support you then that is ok. no need to feel pathetic, in fact i think it is very courageous. i have had depression for nearly 7 years and am in a dark place at the moment as well but i know that i have to just keep on struggling and being proactive. personally i believe u should continue with the job because the satisfaction of knowing u have completed something might feel like a positive. however if u quit now u might regret it. try and fill ur spare time with something interesting. tire youself out so that u dont have to think about the dark things in your life. difficult i no as u may feel like just doing nothing. dont no if that is at all helpful but i hope it is as i believe u can do this.

Try to think bout whats happening is that it's won't's only temporary. Think bout where you want to be in 3 years....what you want to do.
Aim for that.
Start applying for job you actually want to do. There's nothing wrong with changing careers or jobs. I've done it three times already.
And the best part is that you experience alot more in life when you do.
Im sorry bout you & your GF. Five years is alot of time to throw away. There's somebody else out there for you....there always is....and just have some EP friends here to help ya out

A lot of the things you are dealing with I can relate to. I am going through similar situations right now. I am struggling to pay bills, family doesn't understand and I don't really have friends to turn to. If you ever want to talk I will listen.

If you just have six months to go - does that mean you get a full time job after that? If so why not start putting a plan together to start saving in order to get out of your mothers? When you are in that situation when you have no end in site - it is a very sad place.. if you have a date, a month or something - you can get a little excited about life - maybe a new beginning...

There are soooo many women out there.. to be honest it is better you found out now.. so that you did not marry her - found out she was like this and then go thru a costly divorce..

I mean its hard but just think what next year would be like?? get excited about life!!! There are always new things coming and they are not all bad!!!

I hope you will find the better way as soon as possible, just keep pray and God will show you the way

That's tough... Honestly, it seems you've reached your bottom. Which means, you can only go up from here! Keep with your job for now, but find what you really love and then go for THAT! You'll find another girl eventually that'll stick forever, and now you're living with your mother... Tomorrow in a mansion! Who knows?!? Just work hard and eventually you'll pay your mother back, get back on your feet, and help your stepdad ALL at the same time.

there a stronger love out there i was in ur spot and when my wife left me i felt the same i lost so much wait stayed home get high un tell i met some good people went out drinking and these guys are great and my heart began to wake up again u dont need love of one person that love has the power to go out to everyone and that why we all came her cuz that what we all beleive trust me my friend time heals it just enjoy and do thing that benifit the world for i beleive gods with us to the end
just try to feel him meditate every day to calm ur feeling and mind

It sounds to me like she has issues of her own-and they are her issues not yours-so don't take on any guilt-focus on what you need to do to get yourself happy again-I know its hard-but once you start shifting focus-you will see and feel a change in your life-its about you now

Pray...just ask God for help.He will hear u

Thank you. I apreciate your help. I mean absolutely no disrespect when I say this, but my personal spirituality and beliefs on existence do not allow for a deity of sorts that can help me out of my situation. I pray to myself. I help to create everything in existence with my own mind, the only way to get out of this mess is with support, and to dig deep within myself.

Thank you everybody for your replies. I guess I kind of knOw why she left, but it's hard for me to deal with. About a year and a half ago she became very discontent with her life. Something happend, and because I had never really had any kind of experience dealing with it, I was unable to comfort her. I tried so hard, but I just couldn't say or do any of the right things. There was this other guy, one day she told me how she had a big long chat with this guy, and it made her feel a lot better. I was happy someone was able to help and didn't think anything of it, but then latter in the year she broke up with me on Christmas eve. She said she was confused and didn't want to hurt me any more. The next night I caught up with her on Christmas and she told me how she had gone to this guys house because she felt alone, and that they had done stuff. To this day she insists That she didn't break up with me for that reason thi. Anyway for the next year we were in and off. Every time things started to be going ok, she would break it of again. She said she was feeling overwhelms and was having trouble dealing with her emotions. This last time though I thought things were going to be different. We talked about getting married a lot, and we even had a pregnancy scare, but she was sad when she found out she wasn't. So I decided to do it, I proposed to her in her birthday infront of everybody. We went on to start trying to organize things, but that's when I stopped getting work. I told her things will be ok and that work will come back soon, because i know it will. But it must have become too much for her. We were living together at the time. Witch ment she was paying for everything. Then a week before she broke up with me she started acting strange again. Saying she was feeling confused and having trouble with her emotions. I knew what was coming because it happend so many times before. She said she still loves me, but hates out relationship, and that she resents me. I still love her too, and I can understand compleatly why. But I proposed with the intention I always being there, through good and bad. I guess it was a silly assumption to expect the same back

I think you are better off without her. Get a grip on your life start taking things one at a time. Get a job first and then move out of your mom's place. In your free time start doing stuff that you really like... Time is a great healer, just need tro hang in there..

You must find peace and joy within yourself and stop looking outside of yourself. If you do get lonely, go to a yoga class, gym, or some other activity where you will be around others while still working on finding harmony within yourself. Go with the flow, even the ups and downs in life. As they say, roll with it. All is well and in divine order. Focus your intention on having peace and joy now, in this moment. Seek higher conciousness.

You are not pathetic. Dont put yourself dosn. Sounds like your going through arough time but at least you didnt get married and find out that she wanted out. You have your whole lifeahead of you now. Think possitive thoughts and keep talking to o th ers. I hope thissite helpsme. I feel like i need other people to galk to so i dont feel like I'm the only one.

I apparently cznt type either

Hi. I just sighned up for this also and dont know how thos works. I read your story and feel same way. I am marr ok ed but confused. I am not happy and dont know if i am able to kiveon my own.

sorry hun it gets better i promise

Are you sure you don't know why she left, there must and been some kind of sign. The first thing you do is pick yourself up. Start from the bottom and work your way to the top. Your life may have fallen apart but its not to late to put it all back together. Don't worry about what people say about you, that will just bring you down. Try to find out what happened to your relationship then work on fixing it. If your girl found someone else then move on. Never give up, keep moving ahead for yourself and everything will come together but it may not happen as fast as you would like it.

I am sorry to hear of your mishaps and can certainly relate. Some terrible things happened in my past and they are now surfacing and were part of the reason my boyfriend and I broke up last night. My job is stressful as well and working long hours is not my picture perfect idea. However, lifes struggles make us so much stronger. We can't go through them alone. If I didn't have my relationship with Jesus Christ I would have no hope. He gives me such joy even in the darkness and trials of this life! If you turn your problems to Him and ask for help He will always be there. In this life you will have many trials but remember you are not of the world and God has overcome it.

Msg me if you need a friend ok?

It depends on what you want in your life. If you think that there is something better for you out there that you would enjoy and excel at, go for it. Never let anything interfere with what you want to do with your life. If you do something that you are good at, then you will be able to work better and get promotions probably faster. That way you can pay your debts off in installments. Also, sell something. Temporarily, while you are looking for a new job, you need something to pay off some of the debt. That's where you have to sell something so that you can get some of the debt off your back. I wish you all the best. Good luck!

What is it you enjoy doing?
Everyone says to finish and become certified.
If you have made a commitment to something, then you should certainly see it through.
Truth is though, if it is not something you like, you need to ask yourself what it is you want to be doing.
Find new friends!
Unless you and your ex are traveling in the same direction, move forward on your own.
Having a history with someone is only valuable if it pushes you on up, let everything and everyone holding you down go.
Every day is an opportunity to have a happy life!

I would complete my apprenticeship but at the same time I would focus on what I am going to do after that 6 month period, I would see if there are other certifications that you are going to need to get the best job possible after the 6 months and start looking for grants/ scholarships to make it happen. Just because your friends are into that scene doesn't mean that is you. You can do something better in your life, and you know it or you would not feel the way you do about living with your mother. Start looking for other employment options in the area or in other areas. I wish you luck on your life journey.

Thank you. I think in the back of my mind I can see where I need to go. But I just don't know how to get there. The work is a pain in the ***, I really can't stand it. But your right I need to finish. Other wise it's four years down the drain. Ever since my fiancé left, feels like there's not much else I can do besides write myself off u know

Well forget her. If she left you in the bad times then she was certainly not the woman for you. I know it is tough but I have been there and I am telling you that the quicker you can get back on your feet the better you are going to be. This is just one exit in the highway of life for you. You have to see this exit for what it is... simply a time for you rest ... see the scenery, and look at the map so that you plan the next part of your journey.

If you need help:
1) Determine what jobs are out there in your field and whether you will be able to stay where you are, open your own business, or you will need to move to another state to be able to do this. That is all gonna be important so you need to do a thorough research paying close attention to what salary, benefits, etc,

2)Start the research to see what you are going to need in way of additional certifications to get that next job. You can do that on the internet and by requesting more information from the licensing board in your area of expertise.

3) Look for schools and grants available to help you offset the costs of the additional certifications and see if there are some that will be available free and that you can do while you continue to work.

4) If he cannot afford to pay you and you can't leave then you could either go to the labor board (but since it is family i would think that through) or go to McDonalds or another close business that may hire you part time and work there until you can afford to get your car fixed and catch up your bills. Maybe your mom could drive you to and from work since she is willing to help you?

5) Work on yourself. Go to the gym... read a book... work on getting that better job.... Feel better about yourself and then you will gain another girlfriend, but I am not certain I would take the old one back because she sounds disloyal and loyalty is important in a relationship.

I am not here to tell you what to do but this is what I would do if I was in your shoes right now. Please do not think I am trying to tell you what to do because I am not. I just want to help if i can because I picked up on your sadness.

Thank you so much. The fact that somebody I don't even know will take the time out of they're day to try and help me, because they new I needed it, really makes me feel good about people. I am going to try take your advice as best Ican. It is really hard to find motivation right now. Number 1 thing I'm going to do to try improve myself is quit smoking. Useless bloody habbit. As for my ex, it is not the first time he left me. She says she is confused about what she wants in life. Me loving her like crazy, I take her back and things are good again. But then it happens again. I promised myself I would be stronger this time.

And you should be. And while you are quitting smoking you can do like I did for my diet. Every day for about two years I had to have a kit kat candy bar which is about a 5.00 a week habit so every Monday instead of buying those kit kats I put that money in a jar. I told myself when I lost 50.00 pounds I would take whatever was in the jar and buy myself a special outfit. It took me 15 weeks to lose that 50 pounds and I went out and bought new jeans and a sweater with the money. I still have the outfit but it is too big. I keep it as a reminder of what I can do when I set my mind to it.

That sounds like a good idea hey :) could be fun. I'm a fairly heavy smoker to. I could buy something pritty damn cool after 15 weeks if i saved all that money. I worry how I will react to all this stuff without smokes tho. They are like my safety blanket

LMBO. well at least you will have a defense when you go postal lol. I shouldn't joke about that but I can feel you on quitting. My sister was a big old biotch when she was quitting lol.

Haha yea they are nasty little things. Whenever I try quit I'm like "I don't need them, this is going to be easy" then as soon as something bothers me or irritates me, I either have one, or become a monster who uses a lot of bad words. Maybe that will help to get things done if I let the monster loose on a few people lol

But this time you are going to focus on that bigger prize. Maybe even take that money and put it toward your fund to fix your car because car = freedom.

Dear Sadconfusedguy, I can relate to so many things you are going through-everything just seems to much, and its all at once, and it feels like nobody is listening and there is no way out and you're tired, down and out. My partner is still with me-after 8 years I have realised he has never been there for me ever-this was a hard pill to swallow-it hurts like hell-but it will in time get easier-and there is someone out there for you, that will complete you, and be there for you for better or for worse, in sickness and health-I am in the same boat and I kept running back-8 years down the line-nothing has changed-if she is confused about what she wants,are you prepared to wait around for her to make up her mind because there are no guarentees-I'm being blunt here-but I don't want you in my situation-why should you be waiting on her? play hardball a little and see whether she catches a wake up-its hard-BUT believe you deserve more, because you do-give yourself time. She in fact must shape up or ship out, besure of what you want-and go for it-the fact that she hasn't supported you when you needed her most-says quite a bit about her character-Please I have done this for 8 years, its a long time-don't make the same mistakes I have. You have realised "friends" are not good for you-because of their party habits-give yourself a pat on the back: you are already making positive changes and aware of the life you want for you. I feel lost and unsupported to and I have nowhere to go-my mother is reliant on me-in and out of hospital and I too am drowning in bills. For now keep staying at home-you're not pathetic-your giving yourself time to get back on your feet-and anyways your stepdad isn't paying you for work you are doing-SO STOP FEELING GUILTY. I know its hard but keep at getting your apprenticeship-this will open doors for you-do you despise where you work, or the actual duties of the job? As far as debts go-you can make arrangements-or get debt councellors involved-explain your situation-check out google for people in your area. Also I suggest perhaps seeing your GP-just to check in on how you are feeling, he could refer you to a therapist/support group-where people can really empathize and support you without you feeling judged. This thing called life is hard, and just this morning I felt like I'd had enough, but reading other peoples stories help me, because I feel like I am not alone, and I am not crazy-the world is a cruel place-but there are good people out there, and we can help eachother.

Is there not a car pooling or friend you could travel with, is your stepdad back at work? perhaps someone who works with you and lives close by? write down step for step what you want to work on-deal with it one things at a time

I do thing you would benefit from some vitamins and maybe a little counseling too. So don't overlook those things when you are working on yourself. And of course we are here to talk too. I will be back in awhile I have a conference call in just an hour.

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me overovertired. I really appreciate it. There is something humbling in complete strangers helping. It really does suck when u find out that the person u thought was going to be the one, isn't at all. I made the mistake of getting her name tattoo. The silly things u do when your in love hey. I know i might sound like I'm being overly dramatic because I'm so young. But I don't think it makes it any less real u know. We both need to be strong. There is someone out there for both of us. It is so hard to see because we are so close to our situations. But hearing this from you helps me to see my situation from a different perspective. Nobody deserves to feel unwanted, or alone. If we can hold it together, and figure out where we need to go, and charge at it head first, i think we will be ok. Please don't ever give up. I promise I won't if you don't. You sound like a strong person. Like u said the world is cruel, but when I stumbled upon the people here, it helps to restore my faith that everything can get better

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