I'm Sorry.

I am so weak. I used to think that I am a strong person, that I can handle everything on my own. But I can't. I feel so upset and miserable right now. I just... I feel like failing. Failing other people, failing myself. I'm watching a movie and for the first time in my life I actually realize, that this will never happen to me. That kind of person, that kind of love. I'm sitting here in my room, and feeling so selfish. There are so many people that I haven't say thank you for. Or I'm sorry. But I truly am. I'm saying that I don't want to hurt anyone, but all I do is hurting. I let one person go without even explaining everything. I am destroying myself with still talking to engaged man. I love him. Honestly. There is one person that I care about so much. He's a married man and he is in love with me. But I really do care about him so so much... And there is another one, desperate guy for sex, trying to get me in every possible way. So many man, so many wants me, right? Is that what you are thinking? The thing is, that I feel so much stress. I don't want anyone to get hurt, anyone to be upset. I'm trying to live with this and my studies pressure which is getting harder and harder. But at the end of the day, I am the one sitting in my room counting tears coming from my eyes.
different33 different33
18-21, F
3 Responses Jan 17, 2013

You even commenting that you are not strong, makes you even stronger. And not thinking everyone wants you cause that does not matter what matters is that you want you. some of the nicest people we push away. this will change as time goes on.
and its ok to play with married people but keep it at a playing level or your the one that gets hurt not them.
your to young to feel this way but i remember feeling this way to.

I'm sad to say I am in a very similar situation...don't feel like you're being selfish tho, there's nothing selfish about wanting to be happy

That's a really tough place to be. I know you really care about the guy, but if he cared about you so much why is he staying in his relationship with the person he's engaged to? It's not to say he doesn't care, life isn't black and white, but if he's not willing to fight for you, and love can't be one-sided and healthy, maybe that's how you know you have to let him go, break your heart and try to move on? And stay away from married men? yeah, lame joke I guess. That's a really tough place to be. :-(
Maybe you haven't said "thank you" to the people that need to hear it, but maybe you could start. Like tomorrow your goal could be to say "thank you" to one person that you think needs to hear it. And then the day after tomorrow, you can say it to someone different...