Loss Of 8 Friends In One Week

Over winter break i lost 8 of my best friends. Here's what you need to know: I've been friends with Kristen for 6 years, Julia 4, Katie and Kayla 2 and all the guys 1. I would sometimes text Kristen (who was the better of all my friends) and kind of complain about the other girls- like most people do, to get things off your mind...
Well long story short, Kristen got mad at me because I called her discusting because she used me for something and she texted pictures of all of our messages to Katie. Katie then went and showed these all to Kayla and Julia... So of course they were mad at me... But Julia ignored me, Katie bitched me out for a good hour straight and told me how much of a ****** friend I am, and Kayla tweeted things such as: "Strike 3 your out *****" and "You're fat" and "#1 Your a *****. #2 Your a *****. and #3 YOUR A *****". I have apologized numerous times to all of them, but it seems like every time I do it just gets ten times worse. My mom keeps telling me to drop them all as friends, which kind of seems like the only option. The thing is, is that this is the second time Kristen and Julia have been super mad at me. And the first time was because I hungout with someone they dont like. I wrote Kristen a HUGE apology letter and she showed all the other girls and when I was texting Julia apologizing to her, she told me it was pathetic.
I has been 2 1/2 weeks since the day all hell broke loose. We're all back in school and not talking. Kristen sits right next to me in 2 classes and we haven't even made eye contact. I've said hi to all the guys when I see them in the halls, but I know they've all taken everyone else's side. I only have 3 other friends: Rachel, Mel and Jordyn. And Rachel is "popular" and literally has ten billion other friends. Mel's life is basketball and she has no time for anything else. And Jordyn is kind of a "bad girl", like she steals and is dating a guy who went to Juvy and all that...
I feel alone and sad. I use to be the girl who was friends with everyone, but then when my friend group hungout everyday I was unable to hangout with anyone else... My whole family keeps telling me I made the right choice by not talking to any of them any more, but why do I not feel that way? The other day I went through my room and took down the 16 pictures of all of them from my walls. I found old birthday letters and gifts we had bought eachother. I put them all in a box. I read them all first though and it killed me. They said multiple times things like: we're gunna be best friends forever. and: I love how you make me feel and the way we can just be ourselves around eachother. Kristen, Julia and I have been through so much together. We use to run around the playground with book covers on our heads and play littelest pet shops.. They are the only one's in this world that know every detail about me and I'm the only one who knows everything about their messed up families. We have laughed, smiled, cried and lived with eachother. How was all of that forgotten in one week? We planned our lives together: springbreak, summer camps, ACT prep classes, prom, homecoming, college... Now what? They are going to do it all without me, thats what...
But now I'm mad. I'm mad because they won't forgive me for one stupid mistake. I'm mad because Kristen has broken my trust so many ******* times. I'm mad because I'm realizing how shity of friends they are. They have said so many things to me over the past two weeks over text that have crushed me. Kristen told me how annoyed they get when I talk about Rachel, work or my grades. Julia basically told me I'm a dirty ***** because I wanted to drink on New Years... Kayla told me I was a fat desperate ***** who couldn't get a guy. And Katie told me I was the world's worst friend and I didn't deserve any and that I had a "cold heart". I'm mad because they all seem so happy. I'm mad because none of them are even trying to save our friendship. But most of all... I'm mad because I'm not missed...
brooklyn8101 brooklyn8101
18-21, F
1 Response Jan 19, 2013

People grow and change, and as painful as it can be, it's usually for the best. We've all been there at one point or another.
I'm here if you want someone to talk to :)

Thank you. But every where I go all I think about is them and every little thing reminds me of them. And I just can't understand why all of a sudden they all have "changed"? Is it me? Am I the one changing? And if so, why has this change caused me to lose all of my friends?