I Need Someone to Talk to
In retrospect, compared to others, I feel embarrassed to post my story knowing it's not as heavy, but I feel like I need to let it out of my chest.
I've been with my boyfriend for two years now and it has been more than amazing. Last month, I spent two weeks in Japan to visit my brother. It changed me. I want more than ever to work there or study there or /anything./ My boyfriend wants the same thing--we both are studying Japanese; eventually we'll apply for a two year scholarship. After the two years, we plan to apply for English teaching jobs in Japan. We both share a deep appreciation of Japanese culture and we want to be able to experience it together.
But I'm scared of the possibility of only one of us getting accepted.
We haven't really talked about it, and we both know it's wrong to stop the other from pursuing their dreams, but the idea is so painful. When my mom posed the question, I told her that if the other one doesn't get in, we'll keep applying until both of us do. But I now realize that if one of us did get in and we subsequently rejected it, we might no longer be eligible to apply again (it's the case for some programs).
I don't know what to do. I'm just frightened of the idea of long distance relationships (we'd do our best to make it work, but the fear remains regardless), or waiting an entire year for him to try again while I'm in Japan and he isn't (or vice versa). I can't shake it off and I feel so weighed down by this thought every day.
I've been with my boyfriend for two years now and it has been more than amazing. Last month, I spent two weeks in Japan to visit my brother. It changed me. I want more than ever to work there or study there or /anything./ My boyfriend wants the same thing--we both are studying Japanese; eventually we'll apply for a two year scholarship. After the two years, we plan to apply for English teaching jobs in Japan. We both share a deep appreciation of Japanese culture and we want to be able to experience it together.
But I'm scared of the possibility of only one of us getting accepted.
We haven't really talked about it, and we both know it's wrong to stop the other from pursuing their dreams, but the idea is so painful. When my mom posed the question, I told her that if the other one doesn't get in, we'll keep applying until both of us do. But I now realize that if one of us did get in and we subsequently rejected it, we might no longer be eligible to apply again (it's the case for some programs).
I don't know what to do. I'm just frightened of the idea of long distance relationships (we'd do our best to make it work, but the fear remains regardless), or waiting an entire year for him to try again while I'm in Japan and he isn't (or vice versa). I can't shake it off and I feel so weighed down by this thought every day.
4
responses
