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I Don'T Know What'S Wrong With Me

Im depressed . I feel alone , even when I have loads of friends . Im always tired . & not the type of tired sleep can fix . Im a lesbian . And nobody really cares , which I love . But , I can't stay in a commited relationship . I cheat . I sleep with two or more girls when I have a girlfriend . & the thing is that I don't feel bad . But I feel lonely . & when I think about my future I see nothing . Its blank , like if I have no future . I don't know what im gonna become . Depression is getting all of me . I just stay in my room and listen to music . My family doesn't even notice how broken I am .
ChaosChaosChaos ChaosChaosChaos 16-17, F 2 Responses Feb 7, 2013

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You remind me of this girl I love. She hurts herself too ,and even I do the same thing, but I don't see her or myself as broken. We're both beautiful collections of atoms. Thinking of your self as broken , is a big downer ,and it won't really help your self-esteem at all. She listens to music a lot too, and plays guitar ,and writes poetry to help her express her feelings. I play video games , bass guitar , talk to people like this and read others posts ,and write in my journal to help me feel better. Try your best to express yourself. Also you don't have to be in a monogamous relationship ,you can try maybe an open one. The future is forever uncertain ,no matter what anyone and yourself says ,but you can strive to achieve a goal. My goal is become a great film director/screenplay writer. My lover's goal is to be a camera woman. I don't know what the future holds ,but I hope to be there for her and myself ,and not to feel lost. I wish you well on your journey.

Wow, sounds familiar. You are depressed and you are doing harm to yourself. I used to do that. I did things I would regret later on. Try to get some help.