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I'M Sorry...

I have a long road to recovery with my past. I can accept that. But what I don't accept is why it had to be me. Yeah it could be worse but it hurts a lot. I've even been tempted to just end my life or even cut to get rid of my pain. I never tried though I guess my daddy taught me well. He's not the best dad either. But niether is my mom. Ever since I can remember(3 years old), my dad would constantly beat my mom and yell at scream right in front of me. He was in and out of jail till 2001 when my third brother was born. But my parents still fought and screamed at each other.. I could never understand why. I thought they loved each other of maybe that's what love was... My fourth brother was born in 2005; then we moved from the country to a city. Now make note, we moved to a city with quite a few racist people and I have a black dad and a white mom. Everything was fine got a year , no fights, I fit in at school had new friends. It was great. But then the fighting started again, people would call me a ****** when I was walking down the street. Still what am I doing wrong to cause this... I'm sorry mom I'm sorry dad.. I'm sorry strangers I cause you pain.. Please someone tell me what I am doing. Ill stop I swear. It went on the cops got called my mom would move out and take us. We'd start somewhere new and then move back. The fighting got really bad because my mom started using crack... She picked that over her kids most of the time. People started looking at me weird. I started using pot to get rid of the stress and it worked. It pushed back. Now it's all coming forth at a time I don't need it. At a time when I have no one to lean on. I am left to show my brothers that dverything will be okay that I love them, that they can depend on me... I'm only 16. My dad was put in jail for some kind of assut to my mother. He left and I knew it was over... My mom couldn't keep the bills paid, or the house clean. She slept all day while I roamed the streets high; and my brothers doing god knows what... I should of been there for them but I just didn't want to accept this. Soon the house was unliveable & my mom got a new boyfriend that brought us to hotels to sleep. One day sonething bad happened. It's my fault; my mom got put in the mental hospital. And that's the day we entered the foster care system. I'm sorry mom. I'm sorry dad. I failed you.
Changes1996 Changes1996 16-17, F 7 Responses Feb 12, 2013

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Please reply young lady. I know we can help you! Give us a chance!

For one thing, it is soo so far from your fault about you and your parents situation. You didnt fail, your father did. Thats one thing that takes time to work its way into your mind but it will. Its not your fault and the best way to deal with this, although somewhat impossible is to move on. Message me if u wanna talk :)

Thank you, and I know I need to move on but it's hard when you've literally spent your whole life dealing with it.

What city are you in?

Dear girl, it is far from your fault. You are a young lady and you have your whole life ahead of you. I have never told my story to anyone and I can tell you that I have went through it all. I want you to realize that there is a light for you at the end of the tunnel. You need to talk to a real person face to face. Please go to your nearest church and talk to someone. Tell them your story and I know they will help guide you. I wish I was there. Like I said I have been through it all and I am now 52 years old. I want you to realize there is hope for you as well. There is nothing we can do about the past. You need to focus on your future. It seems that the more problems we go through in life the more we can relate and feel for others in the same predicament. I can always help guide you in any way. Please join my circle so I can keep in contact. God Bless You, You ARE NOT ALONE

message me if you need to talk

Changes1996, looks like you've had more than your share of sadness, burden, and despair. Hopefully, someone with a similar situation and story, who has come out the other side, will read your post and offer you the words to help you climb up and out!

Don't be sorry... You've been to so much pain already!
I just hope that you feel better now... and that you found someone who cares for you!