I Need Someone to Talk to
Hey there,
This past wednesday I went to a clinic with a couple of my friends just to get checked (make sure im clean). What my friends didn't know was I had something specific in mind to talk to the doctor about.
For a couple of months I've had a rash of sorts come and go on my anal area. I'm not sure if rash is the right word however it causes irritation and sometimes small bumps (not full of puss) will arise.
Anyways, I brought this to the doctors attention and she examined me. she told me her 'gut' feeling (which has known to be wrong before) is that it is NOT Herpes, however she still insisted on having me tested for it.
It is now sunday night, 5 days since i've been tested and I can not be alone. All I can think about is that I probably have Herpes, and that now I will be single forever. This isn't because people with herpes cant date, its because I have never felt more disgusted in my life, let alone with my own body. I cant look at myself in the mirror, I cry when I shower, when I lay in bed. I cant listen to any music with any sort of prerogative lyrics because I feel dirty as is it.
I try to think positively, and imagine that maybe one day I can use this as a testimony but it doesn't seem to be helping. I would never ever commit suicide but I REALLY wish that I wasn't here.
I dont sleep around but whether I have herpes or not I feel I am done with sex. Deep down I hope that God is just trying to scare me, and if that is the case then he wins for sure. I realize this blog is anonymous however I want to declare that IF IF IF IF I EVER date again I will never even consider having sex, or oral of any kind before marriage.
I'm going to call the clinic on wednesday, they said results can take up to two weeks but hopefully they will be in then.
thanks for listening.
This past wednesday I went to a clinic with a couple of my friends just to get checked (make sure im clean). What my friends didn't know was I had something specific in mind to talk to the doctor about.
For a couple of months I've had a rash of sorts come and go on my anal area. I'm not sure if rash is the right word however it causes irritation and sometimes small bumps (not full of puss) will arise.
Anyways, I brought this to the doctors attention and she examined me. she told me her 'gut' feeling (which has known to be wrong before) is that it is NOT Herpes, however she still insisted on having me tested for it.
It is now sunday night, 5 days since i've been tested and I can not be alone. All I can think about is that I probably have Herpes, and that now I will be single forever. This isn't because people with herpes cant date, its because I have never felt more disgusted in my life, let alone with my own body. I cant look at myself in the mirror, I cry when I shower, when I lay in bed. I cant listen to any music with any sort of prerogative lyrics because I feel dirty as is it.
I try to think positively, and imagine that maybe one day I can use this as a testimony but it doesn't seem to be helping. I would never ever commit suicide but I REALLY wish that I wasn't here.
I dont sleep around but whether I have herpes or not I feel I am done with sex. Deep down I hope that God is just trying to scare me, and if that is the case then he wins for sure. I realize this blog is anonymous however I want to declare that IF IF IF IF I EVER date again I will never even consider having sex, or oral of any kind before marriage.
I'm going to call the clinic on wednesday, they said results can take up to two weeks but hopefully they will be in then.
thanks for listening.
By:
An EP User
