Suffering

My friends mean the world to me where im from. I dont have the heart to tell them how i really feel sometimes because i'n their rock when they need someone. But here where i am now i have no friends or family close by. I live out in the middle of nowhere. In complete solitude. I am a very sosial person, so for me this is torture.. I cry my self to sleep every night. I feel i just am at the moment. Life has stopped all together and i almost took the selfish way out last night. But as good as that belladonna looked i couldnt do it. Because i an responsable for so many lives. I cant do that to the people who love and miss me so dearly. Its so hard being in a different country with no one to hang out with. To go fishing or hunting or just to take a cup of coffee.. I would have been so happy if i just had one friend here where i live. I'm sorry i didnt mean to rant..

I wouldnt know what to say. Ive always been the one to listen to others when they are down. But bottle myself up inside and bury myself in the darkest places of my mind.

Many of us do or we run to things that can hurt us to make the pain go away, but it never seems to last long really.

I agree on that. Alot of people do, i kept myself out of the dark by helping others all my life, but now that i've tried to do things for myself for a change, seems to be something i shouldnt have tried.. I will get over it some day..

I wish you the best of luck and helping or working with others is a great way to take your mind off it for while I have learned that is. Why have worked so many years in the field of nursing but for me, sleep has to come at times.. That is when it all comes rushing back, Knowing I have no one i can count on but the dog beside me on the floor he is the only one i know that would take a bullet for me if it came down to it

the dream of being young and very young really and the life i had and the one i loved beside me for all those years from age 11 till her death at age 19

Im sorry for the late reply. I'm still trying to figure out how to use this site on a phone.. Thank you, yes it does help to help others. I had my fog back home my baby a st. Bernard. Kenai. So faithful and loving animal. Awww i'm so sorry to hear that. May i ask what happend?