Confused Maybe....?

hmm..   well..   im actualyl quite new here..      i guess im look in for an outlet a bit..   need somethign that im not getting elsewhere.. so i guess i will just begin..      my names meghan.. im 19 years old..   umm . ive had a number of problems over the years..   abuse.. drugs , alcohol .. same stuff as everybody..      ive been having a rough time lately cause i have some medical problems and im on some wierd medications..    i have a boyfriend that ive had for just about 3 years and when we first met i was completely his.. i loved and worshiped everythign about him..    we moved away and tried to start soemthig together..   he developed a really bad drug problem and cheated on me with 4 of my best friends..     naturally .. i forgave him liek the dumbass i am..  kept going back to him over and over again... finally after enough abuse from him i walked out and went back home to my mom..   got a new job.. fresh start..   you know..  ..  lately ive been having this weird fasicnation with girls and most importantly my best friend.. started talkin to girls  online just mostly cause i was curious and wanted to knwo where this all was coming from.. adn if maybe it was just this phase..    so anyway.    he moved back up here with me and got a job and everything and hes doing good.. no drugs or anythign..  but i have still had this "thing" in the back of my head...   i went back to my hometown for a  few nights and stayed at my best friends house and we got drunk and well, im sure you can guess what happened..  now.  i love him , i really do.. but i think that ever since he screwed me over i have just felt dead.. even more dead than i felt before..  and i dont really care about anythign..    he knows now about what happened between me and my best friend and is obviously mad .. but he is giving me some time to think about what i want.. but the truth is..   i have no idea what i want..  ive been so screwed up over the years and im slowly gettin worse and worse,   i cant stop thinking aobut my best friend adn what we coudl maybe have... i know she doesnt feel the same.. its more of a "secret " thing we have and have had for a while...   is it fair to him ?  where am i supposed to turn.. i have no friends here that know me very well considering i am fairly new here..    thers a lot more to take into consideration but like i said..  im new here too..     i dont know..  im just looking for something..  an answer maybe..  anythign?   help me?       -lost , confused and stuck.......... 
juggalettebingy juggalettebingy
18-21, F
1 Response Jul 20, 2007

I'll try to help you if I can. Fire away.... ;-)