Please someone with experience in this tell me what to do. My ex and I go to college with each other and I've been separated physically from him for almost a month since we had summer break. I can't handle seeing him and I am still so heart broken over him. He has completely moved on from me and hasn't ever tried to contact me. I still have strong feelings for him and it makes it easier to forget about him when I don't see him. But I just moved in to my new dorm today to find he is right next to me, is best friends with my roommate, and is friends with the girls I'm sharing a suite with. It's going to be so hard to see him every single day. He did and said so many horrible things to me and I think he is such a jerk, but something about me makes me long for him and wish we could be together. Help! What do I do:(
GabbyCot GabbyCot
22-25, F
9 Responses Aug 17, 2014

msg me if you want to chat gabby

Find this great book. Sounds like you could use it too. "Ignore the Guy, Get the Guy - The Art of No Contact: A Woman's Survival Guide to Mastering a Breakup and Taking Back Her Power" by Leslie Braswell
I believe it's more about working on yourself than actually getting the guy back. If you do decide to check it out, please come back and let me know what you thought of it.
I think that break ups are probably harder on women because of the way we tend to handle them. We often lead with our hearts and ignore taking charge of ourselves.

I've been looking for a book like this to distract me a little but also give helpful advice at the same time! I'll definitely let you know how I like it. Thanks for the suggestion!

Made some typos so I deleted my original and reposted here:

Here's an excerpt for you: "When you can finally let go is when you will be at peace with yourself. And this is usually the time Mr. Ex decides to get his act together. It takes four to eight weeks for a man to realize what he has lost. By that time you may not want him back. Women may take longer to make up their minds, but once we do we stick with it. You'll know you've accepted the breakup when it occurs to you Mr. Ex hasn't entered your mind at all. And it will be sweet!"
How true, how true. I know because it happened with me!

I wouldn't say join a religious cult. Just see about you first. I mean, you're in school, you want your education, you want to be focus, you want to live your future dreams, focus on that (what you want to be, where you want to be, how you are going to get there), and all the other lego pieces will fit into place. You could workout, read books, enjoy movie nights, museums, jazz club, all these delightful things other than surrounding yourself in sex and wild parties. Look at yourself now, and vision yourself where you want to be 5-10-20-30-50-heck even 100 years from now... building a growing working road map...

Be selfish in your recovery. Don't give him the power by hiding from him. Don't give him the ability to make you feel that way. Get some counseling, find an outlet, pick up a new hobby. If you can't move rooms, then when you do see him, smile and walk on by. Make eye contact and don't let him think he has that control over you. If he is friends with your roommate ask that they not have him in there if you are going to be there. They should honor that as RESPECT. Its your room too!

I like the way you put that, "be selfish." So much of my personal time had been wasted on him and he doesn't even care. I want that kind of control over myself where I can just walk on by, hopeful I'll find a new interesting hobby soon. This was really inspiring, thank you

If you need me, message me. I'm here for support. I totally understand what you're going through. Seriously though. Doing you, and being selfish for your healing and I promise, your outlook will start to change, and change for the better! He was a jerk, and you seem like a sweet girl. Sticky Note on your mirror that you see everyday. "I deserve Respect and honesty" soon it won't be words you read, it will give you strength, and the ability to embody the freedom you will soon learn to love. You can also take this time to learn more about yourself. Find out more about who you are. Then you will know exactly what you want and need, but most of all DESERVE to have out of a relationship! <3

Try to forgive him and that's easier said than done. Then let him know that you care and atleast show respect to you and you are very hurt and disappointed in his behavior towards you and he should look at himself and be a person that man's up and sees and admits his actions were wrong by putting ego aside

This is very helpful, thank you. The reasons things ended was because his ego was too big to let him admit he did any wrong, so hopefully if I ever do get to say these things to him he's matured a little bit.

Work on yourself. It is good that he is in your vision and in your sight. Keep your focus on your school and pay no mind to him. He will see you and try his best to continue to make you jealous. Don't mind that. Just continue to do you and don't worry about him. It is hard and it won't be easy. He may even try to come on to you. Same as a girl coming on to a boy. woman/man so have you. It just difficult because of emotions, promises, dreams, history, so forth so on. If maybe it is meant to be, the so be it, he will show you he is wanting and longing to do right by you and give you his all and seek God. In the end of it all, at the end of the day, God is your main source, your main center. Trust in God, talk to Him, pray to Him, bless Him, give all your all and all your heart. Believe that He going to provide for you everything that will not be too much for your heart to bear.

I can't help but read this over and over again. This is such wonderful advice, the only one that has shown me how to live with this situation and grow from it. Sometimes things like this make me question why God puts me in such hard emotional situations, but I know He has a plan for me and this must somehow be a key part of it. I trust God, and hopefully this despair and aching in my heart will subside.

Precisely. God is your fortress, your deliverer, your comforter through the storm. Believing that Jesus died for you makes all things new. Everything that you are going through will come to pass. Being born again gives you a brand new slate. A new start to living a great and wonderfully awesome life. Try Him out for yourself and give Him the thanks and praise. He will put people in position to align you in position to walk in the path the has ordained for you. Right now, that is a distraction to you. That is just something that is keep your from growing in Him. Trust Him to do everything He has promised you and believe it that He will do it for you. It get better the more y

ou trust in Him..

Wow, I would definitely try to get a different room if possible. If you think he has completely moved on than I would honestly try to separate myself from him as much as possible.

It's not possible to change rooms anymore

Well, hopefully thing will work out between you and him, if not just be strong, it might seem difficult but with time you will get over it trust me.

Switch rooms if possible. Also get a new bf, not to make him jealous but to move on with your life. Additionally it would help if you let me bang you. Take care and be well :)

Just don't

It was a joke

Just kinda have to deal with it:/ you could switch rooms! It'll take a long time but eventually you'll see him as a friend