I know there is going to be some really rude people to comment on this but I don't care.
I'm tired of this emotional roller coaster. I know that time heals all wounds but this separation had been going on since April. I'm tired for feeling sad depressed. I've tried everything to move on with my life but still no real progress.
BrittTHart BrittTHart
26-30, F
21 Responses Aug 18, 2014

Awwe hang in there sweetie, its hard it really is.
When i split with my ex a while ago now i thought id die from the pain, ive never felt anything like that before...and no ones well wishing or words of affirmation could help, you just have to ride it through and you will come out stronger the other end. Dont put a dead line on it just know that so many people have been there and know how you feel.

I disagree with most people here, I will not say that time heals all wounds, what I will say is that all wounds change you, you will almost certainly recover in time from this, but u won't be the same, every experience you have changes u, no matter how small. That experience will have some sort of effect on future decisions, I suppose it kinda a hurting your knee. It heals but u might have a few knee problems in the future. How was that colorful analogy, lol. But I'm assuming u were divorced or separated with your partner. And if I'm wrong, well my "advice" might as well be null and void. I will say from friends I've had that have been through bad breakups (I really hope that what it was) and what I noticed is they didn't think they were making progress either, but before long they were fine, but they were not in a relationship that could compare to one a 26-30 year old could have been in. I have never been in love, and kinda don want to. I'm told tht you ne'er forget your first love, and that worries me. And I'm afraid that's what your going through. You said you have tried everything,
Does that happen to include professional help?

You will probably find more people willing to help you, I've been on here for 3 days and have seen no one with bad intentions

time can heal the wound but it can't undo that scar and it will only get worst if they're opened again.

we're are so the same...

if someone comments negatively, just ignore.. your focus is to have someone who could help you with how you feel... don't mind negative people, they just don't understand what we are going through... have you seen a counselor? i think you should...

*we are so the same.. sorry my bad... redundant "we're are" sorry

I will chat and listen sweetie

Hi Britt,

I would say that the amount of time needed for a recovery from a separation is different for everyone.

My situation involved being dumped by my wife for someone else, and losing contact with my two young children. I was finally able to begin recovery when I worked with someone who helped me to actually process and feel the full extent of my pain. I guess you could call this person a type of life coach (could be a friend, or a psychologist, or a counselor, etc).

It involved more than just an empathetic person listening to me. They posed questions that allowed me to voice my worst fears, in other words, from the part of you that experiences the most basic feelings, such as, I’m not worth anything to anyone, or I am not loved and will never be loved.

Instead of resisting these feelings it is the opposite. You try and totally express and feel your worst fears. It’s a bit like the feeling when you’re sick at your stomach and you try to resist throwing up. You know intellectually that it’s probably best if you get the crap out of your stomach, but you resist actually throwing up because it’s such an intense act. One has to be so tired of feeling miserable that you are willing to end the pain. I found that actually expressing my worst fears and feeling their full effect enabled me to get past the worst.

It’s similar to crying; emotions build up; but if we cry then there is a release. The facilitator working with me actually helped ramp up the worst of my feelings, posing questions and thoughts that led to the worst possible scenarios. Thoughts like, I might never see my kids again, or that they would be subject to harsh influences that would impact their lives negatively and I was unable to protect them. It was a pretty raw scene, but it actually enabled me to start my recovery, and from that point my depression and hatred and sorrow started getting less. Having raged and shrieked and cried, at the end of the session, I was able to talk about my fears with perfect neutrality. Of course the old pattern reasserted itself in the days following, but the fever was broken. Gradually I became free of the whole mess. Today I am able to see the other person, my ex-wife, as a catalyst of my own personal growth. And my relationship with my grown children is amazing. Friends often comment on how my kids are the most stable and incredible people they've met. I don't have contact with my ex, but I don't think about her constantly. I still have work to do, but when the boil was lanced, the healing began.

Instead of resisting what has actually happened, it is actually helpful to welcome and be grateful for what the world has actually revealed to you through your pain; that you are dealing with reality, and not a fantasy. I got a lot out of an approach that I think comes from a guru-type by the name of Andrew Cohen. It is this. Say to yourself, "Thank you for everything. Everything is perfect just the way it is." You don't have to believe it in that moment, but there is something about this expression that helps break the illusion of fear in a given moment.

I have actually learned so much about myself from my divorce and separation from my kids that I can often be thankful for the experience.

I feel like my session with the counselor quickened my recovery. Actually, recovery is not really the right word, because with more time but without experiencing my pain fully, I would have had less pain, but possibly also would have less feeling in my life now. Growth would be a better word than recovery. There are a lot of people in the world who are functioning, but who are also numb with pain. Another way of dealing with that pain is medicating oneself, with alcohol, weed, and mood altering prescription drugs. If you ask a doctor, I'm sure you can find one that will offer you an anti-depressant. But in my view, this will not get to the root of the problem. Yes, anti-depressants have been shown to help people get through some extreme feelings, but without doing the work of processing and actually feeling your emotions, we become like the walking dead.

Time wounds all heals too so the heck with rude people. Nothing ever remains the same, you will change in time. Join a support group in your area and try for face to face relations.

Time doesn't heal all wounds, love does.

Are u hot?

You know your obviously the person I was talking about in this post I was being super serious and you had to come on here an be a jerk. Just stop

Be strong. I know easier said than done but you'll get through this. Time does heal wounds, you need to give your self enough time. Have you though about going to a professinal counselor to talk about it and get out of the depression???? Just a thought. I I have been threw this and recently and now going through a divorce, my decision. It was the best decision I made and wasn't easy having children involved. Remember, God gives his strongest soldiers the strongest battles... There's someone better out there for you but you havebto see that. Staying positive in negative situations is key. Good luck to you.

If you need to message me I am willing to listen with out being Judge mental

It's hard these days to find a good listner...and after all that hard work,....here i am...

I'm sorry for that. Don't give up yet! Message if help is needed.

press and hold home button.. tingggg.. Siri.... now talk to him... he will hear and response and will never disappoint you ;)

Emotional wounds can only heal if your willing to talk about them and excise them. It may peel the scab off but every time you do, it should hurt less and less, til its just a small itchy scar. Hope you feel better. Good luck.

I am sorry. I know how difficult that is. I am still trying to move on as well. People tell me all the time, oh get over it, time will heal it, there are plenty of other fish in the sea and my favorite...just find a new girlfriend. To me those were not helpful at all. When you love deeply someone you are left with a gaping hole in your heart. A hole that cannot be filled. You are left with a sickness in your stomach from all the pain you are going through. Your mind refuses to let you sleep which only intensifies these feelings. So believe me, I know where you are coming from. I know your pain. Perhaps finding good people on this site that are kind and understand what you are going through will be able to help. If you ever need an ear to listen or wish for a friend, I am here if you need me.

I would like to message you if that's ok?

Of course.

Time does heal the wounds but the wounds in heart aren't easily healed so quickly. U should have patience for it.
Leave the craps around. keep trying on the things tht makes u most happy sticking around with frnds, socialised life, party etc etc.

Some wounds get healed like the tortoise rabbit race.. Slow and Steady

Do what makes you happy. Even senseless sex if that is your thing.

You will get a lot of idiots commenting but you can also find some really good people to help. Don't give up