I Feel Like I Am Torn

I have 4 kids. My boyfriend  has 2. his are older. My 15 year old and him always put me in the middle of their fights He said this or she did that. I feel like they are making me choose. I love my kids more than anything and I love him. My kids father remarried 8 years ago and I feel like he can be happy but I can't. My kids lived with their dad for awhile and now they live with me, They don't listen, they fight with me all the time, I am always wrong for wanting them to go down the right path. I have been married twice. My first husband (kids daddy) use to beat me. My second husband cheated on me because he wanted a baby and he knew I didn't want anymore. My boyfriend ask me to marry him in December of 06. We talked about how we wanted to wait for everything with his ex wife to be over. Now that it is, there is always something else. Now it is my kids being disrespectful. every time they go to their dads, they come back worse than ever. Swearing, yelling, telling me they hate me because it is bed time, smoking, hitting me and talking back. I can't take it anymore. I have so much going on. My 12 year has ADD and JRA. He has lost so much weight that they are talking about putting a tube to feed him. He may also have a heart problem. My 11 year old ( the baby) has been coded mentally retarded by the school. My 15 year old ( the oldest) has been to DJJ for hitting me. She has been picked up by the police for trespassing. She steals money from me.My 13 year old (oldest son) hates school and skips all the time. Here in Florida I get to go to court for that and explain why. My boyfriend doesn't say anything to the kids so i am on my own. He tells me that he loves me too much and that he has raised his kids. I am not asking him to be their Daddy but to simply be their friend. I run his business. I am always there when he needs me but I feel like No one is there for me or cares what I feel. I am trying to do the best that I can. I feel like running away from everything and I will admit that I have thought I was better off dead. I know I shouldn't feel this way but I do. My family is miles away. Here I have no one. No one to talk to. No one to seek advice. Just me all alone. I don't have many friends because I thought it would be better less people in my life the less complicated it would be. But I have all this and much more to deal with that I have chest pains from anxiety. I need a friend and if there is anyone out there that can understand me please help. I can't take it anymore. I feel like exploding.

sadandlonely0709 sadandlonely0709
4 Responses Mar 10, 2009

I'm not happy with my marriage. My husband has admitted to cheating on me several times and after being away for months, doesn't even touch me. He insists that he loves me and wants to work thngs out, but he is doing nothing to make me happy or forget about what he's done. I want to leave him, but feel that I can't because of financial reasons. I cannot give my children the type of lifestyle they've been living without his money.

I think you need to have a talk with their father and ask what exactly goes on at his home with them that they come home so disrespectful to you. Ask if any of the kids have spoken to him about anything. I think right now even though you and ur ex are not together, you both need to work together for the childrens sake. Also seek a social worker, get the kids in counseling, try activities, something that is of interest to them. As for your current spouse, if you two are in any form of a serious relationship and he has been around for a while, then he has a responsibility to your kids as well, only out of respect of you. Im not saying that he needs to over rule anyone, but he does need to show a little support. Talk with him, tell him how you feel, tell him you really need his support and back up when you ask for it. If he cant step up to par, then i think it might be best to find someone in your life that will atleast attempt to be apart of the whole package instead of someone that is only concerned about himself and his kids. As for the comment he made about he loves youto much and that he raised his kids, thats an ******* thing to say, if he loved you he wouldnt let your kids run all over you, regardless if HE ALREADY RAISED HIS KIDS! is he forgetting that when he met you, you came with a package too. It sounds to me that this man doesnt really care about you, especially if he can make a comment like that. That is total bullshit. Baby girl you are in my prayers, and if i need to come over to straighten ur kids up for you, I sure as hell will be there in a heart beat! my 2 boys have tried acting that way at one point, but the second they did that, boy did they learn what a mistake that was. Im not saying to beat ur kids but sounding like drill sargent when yelling at them works wonders...lol.. write me any time, Im happy to assist you.<br />
Ciao,<br />

If you like you can use me for a sounding board. I think your bf should step up to the plate however. If the kids yours or his are disrespecting you. and as you said he loves you. Then he should step in. He doesn't have to raise them. But he could help cool things down some if he wanted to I'm sure. Anytime you want to chat just let me know. Much Luck

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