I Love Him Too Much!

Hello, i came on this site because lately i've been really depressed and suicidal. Here is how it all started. Approx. 2 years ago i started a new school. I changed groups and there was this boy i really hated but then about 1 week later i was in love with him. He was funny, smart, gorgoes everything a girl could ask for. I always flirted with him with not even knowing and people started to suspect and asked me everytime if i fancied him. I always denied this because i wasn't the type to tell anyone what i'm feeling. I believe he always flirted with him. But he did have a girlfriend and he always talked about her. 'Charlie'. That ugly *****. But anyway i was prettier but she was older i guess. Oh yes i forgot to mention that he was a year older than me. We suited so much and i even got in trouble with all our teachers for him to like me  more. We were really close as the year aproached on we got even closer. He was still with his girlfriend 'charlie'  but i loved him so much. We had so many laughs together but i never plucked up the courage to tell him how i felt. I suffered in silence for a whole year then my time was up. I forgot to tell you we did have fight and i called him fat and he called me ugly but we ended up making up in no time and saying sorry to each other. So anyway he graduated and then i was in my final year. Throughout all the time i loved him i had many fantasies and dreams about him. There were thousands of stories. Whenever i saw him which was like never. I had this big happy but queasy feeling. And i always had butterlfies. One day we even saw eachother in a small uniform shop that no one knew. We had so much in common. He wasn't exactly the nicest guy you would see on the street but i loved him. I loved him soooo much. So when i finally graduated  i grew up more and more but all those times i still loved him. I never really saw him  until 2 days ago on the bus. The other times i 'saw' him i only saw him from a distance. But this time he was pratically next to him. Before i saw him was my stop. And i rweally wanted to chat with him but i had to get off. On my way out the bus i said hii in a girly way and he winked at me and looked at me up and down then the bus drove off. What the heck was that meant to mean. He looked so much better and he lost a bit of weight. He also gave me a thumbs up after he looked at me up and down. When i saw him on the bus the feeling was so much stronger. When we were staring at each other our connection was so strong. It was like it was only us 2 in the bus instead of maybe like 80. It was silence instead of all the noise everyone was making. I have had many fantasies and many, many little stories on how he'll say he loves me and we'll live happily ever after. I have had about 5 dreams about him since i saw him thery we either nightmares or sweet dreams but mainly nightmares. I really don't know what to do and for the past 2 years he is the only boy i have loved. I'm only young but is this really love and what should i do? Please help!

vaneadetg vaneadetg
13-15, F
1 Response Mar 15, 2009