MY Sweet Innocent Confused Girlfriend Went Back to Stripping

 I found out my ex went back to stripping while we were continuing to try and work it out. I met this frail innocent girl about two years ago so im going to try and paint the most accurate picture possible. Here i am ,out with friends got out off a bad almost life changing relationship about six months prior, and we are just hanging out. Tonight i was supposed to hook up with a girl i met through a friend but she said she lived at home and her mom would be mad if she left. So she calls me and and says something like " Why dont you go home so you can talk to me all nigh BABY? You know you wanna!" UHHHH????    " NO THANK YOU "  CLICK!  That has been the luck of my date life for these six months we are trying to revisite right now. All my friends decide to leave and go to the bar room where my previous girlfriend use to work(the life changing relationship one who was a pill head and addicted to gay may **** who is was trying to forget)So they leave and i shortly follow. Im drivind home and contimplating on how bad my luck is when i pass that bar in question where my friends are and at the last minute i decide to turn. In the back we sit at a table watching people playing pool while i try to forget all the bad memories this bar brings back.I am a realy annalytical person and i like to people watch and try to analize why they look and act the waty they do just based on first impressions( sort of a personal game for me). Theres a girl, very skinny, bruises on her arms, faded jeans that are some what loose on her bony hips like she lost weight rapidly recently and didnt have achance to buy a new pair. She has blonde hair that looks pretty cheaply died and not styled attractively at all. She is playing pool with a group of guys you wouldnt think she would be with(4or 5 african americans with fancy clothes and big fancy chains and all pretty much wearing sunglasses at night in doors). we are all watching this because at this time i abviously been the one to ppoint it out cuz thats just what i do , so we all sorta watch and joke and secretly  think of what will happen with her and them latter. At another teble just inbetween my view of the spectacle and our table is another table with a girl watching them too but trying not to stare and every now and then giggling and turning away. She is sitting at the chair of four that for some reason faces the wall away from any action in the bar. She is average height, thin, sort of pear shaped as her torso is much thiner and out of proportion with ehr body than her hips and thighs but her lower half is average size and thin, just her top is very small. Her hair also looks died but has three different shades( looks to have been black at one time but then ******** then died a auborn or amber red/brown. Cute face, plenty of freckles and big,BIG, blue eyes. She is wearing red square framed librarian styled glasses and also jeans that are a little faded and a little to big to show off her figure. She is wearing a cute form fitting, patterned t shirt and tennis. Fingure nail pollish that has been peeling off like you would see on a young girl. Every body says how cut and homely and innocent she looks just sitting there by herself. Later on she is approched by a guy who is obviously trying to hit on her and he is not trying too hard and she is already giggling and he sits. No effort on his part whats so ever. My mind obviously senses that this girl has self concious issues ans needs attention and is obvious unable to determine a possible threat when she sees one. A few minutes goes buy and the girl shouts "YOU *** HOLE, NO! I AM NOT LIKE THAT!" She stands and screams" GET THE **** AWAY FROM ME!" And points to the opposite end of the bar. We all look on with our eyes wide and say" DAAAAMMMNNN!" But for me , i smile and think to myself "GOOD GIRL". She is left alone at the table and my friends talk about the situation and one of them says ' Iherd her say to that guy that she was a ********!" I but in and say"No f ing way! Looking like that? Sha must have been abused or abbandoned as a child! That poor girl has no reason to be a ********!" My friend reasures me that this is what he heard her say. I ponder and tell them that it would make sense then because she is watching that blonde girl and laughing at how drunk she is. Probably one of her ******** friends. an Hour or so passes and the bar is relly getting any funner and my friends leave all but my best friend who has been there forever and shares alot in common with me but is much bigger(chubbier ) than me but has so much more character! We sit and bullshit and the red hed plays pool by herself.I m watching her and analizing her outloud to Joe(my best friend). I can say my thoughts outloud to joe because he likes to hear them and agrees with them but just cant think outside the box and anallize quite as good as me. Every now and then we see the girl look our way. Then it starts to happen more often. I say to joe that she might know we are talking about her. And then he says ,"I think shes checking  you out GUY!" (thats what we call eat outher,"GUY" INSTEAD OF dude or bro. Isay to him no way. Then as we are saying this to one another she approaches both of us and says "Would one of you guys like to play pool?" Joe says in a low voice,"There you go GUY!" I hate pool but i get up with out even thinking and the butter flies in my stomach must be having an ancient paggan **** right now, and say, "SURE". We play pool and talk for maybe one long game, we both suck but i finally win, then we sit and talk. She askes me in small talk,"Is that really a bottle opener?", referring to my hotrod styled belt buckle that has a skull which can be used as an bottle opener by inserting the bottle cap in its mouth and using that to pry the cap off. Now if your not into the ol school hot rod, kustom kulture , then you dont know that this buckle is a bottle opener. It was very hard to find and really only in those kustom kulture magazines and this girl did not look like she was into that but the fact that she could tell just by looking at it intrigued me. We talked and i asked her what she does and she shyly and reluctantly said that she was a "dancer" and the locall ***** club, wich by the way does not get fully nude they wear pasties and is not that classy of one if i might say so. BUt needless to say my fears of this girl were made reality. She said she was 19,and had a 18 month olde daughter and she was still living in an appartment with the farther but they were sepparated and both come and go as they please they just cant afford to move out seperratly on their own.We talk some more and she becomes very intelligent to me and even spelled my last name write on the first try with out hessitation(i know i know, i suck at grammer and spelling)She was totally in tuned with every topic i talked about and made analytical assumtions and face about what we talked about. I was interested!!! If not because of her personnality atleast i wanted to know more about her and maybe gat to know why someone so sweet and intelligent could become a dancer at that club wich i thught so highly negative of. We exchanged numbers and i invited her to come with me and joe out tomorrow to go see one of his buddies in a band and she said yes. I didnt know what to expect by hanging out with a 19 year old when i was 25 but i figgured that she was intelligent and she seemed to act somewhat lady like and proper so maybe she was somewhat forced to mature early because she was a single mom out on her own. So i followed her outside and she opened her arms for a hug and i said goodbye. She got into her early 90s beat up mercury cougar with faded paint and drove off. It was rainy. I said to myself,"Yep,that is deffinatly a strippers car". I go back inside and theres Joe,"so what happened? howed it go?" Well she is a ******** and she has a kid...and shes 19 "WTF DAMN! AND SHE HAS A KID? You dont want that again do you?" He was referring to my psycho exs little boy who she let him wath horrors movies since he could walk and thats all they were into! I said to him , i dont know guy, i dont know. My phone gets a text, from her saying" Im home" Uhhh... ok I show joe. thats her? why would she let you know shes home? "Cuz shes 19 and she doesnt probably meet too many guys who are just normall.And she was probably only with her childs father for most of her yuong adult life. She just doesnt know any better." I thought it was cute but still aware that this is a sign of her immaturity and that may be a sign of more to expect. Following day i call her and she doesnt answer. I call again and nothing. No sooner than i decide to go occupy a little time before making a third attempt, my phone gets a text. Now i was 25 and my ex didnt believe in a cell phone.And my friends are al my age and guys so we dont text, we call you. So needless to say i was not one to text much. It was from her reading whats up? I send one back saying i just tried calling you. oh, my phone was in the outher room and i didnt hear it untill it was too late. IM thinking to myself,well why didnt you just call me back? You dont want somebody to hear your conversation, like maybe your ex who may still think yall are togehter. Any way we talked then she finnally called me and was talking very low.hmmm She told me where her appartment complex was but just told me where to park, not what apartment.She didnt want me to come to the door.She said her ex was home with their daughter and she just didnt think it was appropriate. An d she was right.I dont think it was either. WE went out and had fun but she was very quiet, kinda tense or nervous. She just didnt say much.The three of us went to a bar and sat and me and joe being the two characters that we are finnally gat her to relax and get comfortable. We left and went to another place but i jumped in the back seat thinkinglike a teenager and maybee she was expecting me to hold her hand or something but she did scoot clseo to me so our bodeis could touch and i grabed her hand. I could feel she was a little more comfortable now that i was acting more like a familliar guy she was probably use to dating back when she last dated. Joe brought me back to my car and me and her went to another small quiet bar that another best friend of mine was a barttender at where we could just talk more. And talk we did.She came around and we found that we had alot in common and she was acting alot more mature than her age. Now i guess i was contributing to someone under age but i was buying her drinks and i wasnt feeling guilty and niether was my friend the bartender. In our eyes she was an adult but she just couldnt buy alchohol,so what! We hung ou tot the wee morning hours when i was asked to go get change for the bar,she took a ride with me. Got the change and sat in the car and she said something about how i havent tried to kiss haer yet. I htought to myself well you havent even flirted whith me but i guess you just a little shy. So out loud i said you want a kiss? Then i just reached over and put y hand on her face and cupped hers and kissed her lightly with my tongue, her following my evry move.There, how was that?Nice she said,very nice. We proceede to talk about first dates and she started to say how she ussually expect maybe a kiss on the first date then maybe a little more on the second and so far and so on. I thinking,so...first base,second,third fourt...? Just like a teen lol. I thought it was cute .I immediatly proceed to explain to her how it works for adults and she never thought of it that way. I told her that bassically adults act on gut feeling and experience.Not like there are rules to it like first base and so forth. You do what you both feel inside and if you feel different then one of you just pollitley says no thankyou. She thought of it and quickly agreed and began to ask me a few questions of interpretation and i ageed with her. Before my eyes she was learning and groing up.I could tell she was sheltered and imature but wanting to grow up and wanting to learn from someone who she could trust to teach her the write way. Back to the bar for more drinks. we sit and cut up and have a good time andshe pollitly excuses her self to go "TINKLE". She never returns and another girl at the bar goes in and comes out  and tells me that she is in there crying. ??? So i go to the door and knock and ask if she is ok? She opens and pulls me in and starts to tell me how great of a guy she can tell i am and that she doesnt know why im treating her so good that most guys she meets just want one thing when they find out shes a dancer or they dont want her when they find out she has a kidd or is still living with her ex. i say to her that im not like them im different and i have a open mind. Some people are less fortunate and they need some help or guidence if they want it.I no preacher , i strongly dont believe in god but i door know how the world works and how people think and i too have had a real rough childhood from a abroken family. She smiled drird her eyes and said that she knew that she could love me one day.  WTF??? Im thinking , not something you say on a second date. Man is this poor girl confused! Any way i take her home wich by this time its about 7 30, we are in new orleans so drinking can last forever, we sit in my car and she appologizes for acting like that and crying and that she doesnt know how i didnt run away yet and that she knows girls shouldnt say things like that and if i could just forget that she said that, that it was the alchohol. I no better that it wasnt it was something deeper but i might be just as crazy for keepin in touch with this girl. Her phone keeps buzzing," WTF Ronnie?" she says. Its her ex wondering when will she be home. Imthinking none of his buisness right? yeah thats what i thought too. Any way its sunday morning(easter) ANd she kisses me and gets out and says she had a good time and will call me later. I return home to  bed and get a text saying happy easter. Later that night she calls and says happy easter and i talk too her and find out that she and her ex took their daughter to his families for easter. Not something that sat well with me and she didnt even think to elaborate why but latter on a found out that i was just for their little girl you see. Im an open minded girl and she is not my girlfriend nod do i have an attachment to this girl so i left it alone a was fine with it. tuesdat night i asked if she wanted to go out with me and my bartende buddie for drinks at a cool pub midcity and she delightfuly said yes. I pick her up and she is dressed cassual.Iasked her if she minded old blues and jazz that i had on the radio and she said she liked that kind of museic that her dad listened to it . So i said we will get along just fine. We go,we drink, we laugh we talk. SHE tells me about her life and how smart she is and how "analytical " she is and man do we just get each outher! i mean ,brain wise we were totally compatible. I told her how im obsessed with natural red heads and she says she loves guys who are husky and a bit rough looking and orriginal like myself. now take the term i used rough lightly cuz i am a very handsome man. I am very goodlooking just about 40 ponds over weight but i do dress like im from the fifties and slick back my hair and have tattooss all over my arms(sleeves). Now i new we were a good match and that this girl could be the one but i new i would have to work a litte on her but she already shown me that she would let me lead the way. So we talk and drink somemore and we are sitting outback of the bar on the patio where there is a fountain. I ask her if she would like to go make a wish and she enthusiastically says "YES!, I WOULD LOVE TOO!" Typing that brings me too tears really!!! we walk over and i try to think off just a simple fun wish but a crazy thought keeps getting in my head, "Wish for her to be the one! Whish for her to eventually marry you!" Are you f ing crazy!!! shes got a kid and is a ********!!! no!!! i cant!!! She says "you ready?" And in goes our pennies SIMULTANEOUSLY!!! THE SOUND OF ONE SINGLE SPLASH! Now im not supersticious , i dont believe in mirracles and no like i said i cant spell, but i do remember that moment and will never forget it for some reason. Idont remember what we did the moment following that but i think we both just turned around and sat down and kinda didnt talk for an awkwardly long 30 sec. "SO" i said, we proceed to go inside and hand with my bartender buddie and his hottie, (beast) he has brought. We all talk and me and my date are sitting side by side on a couch together and start talking to one another about our previous date and our kiss. I knew where this was going and in under 5 min we were kissing again. Softer this time but a little more daring on her part. Sha was less tense this time and i could tell she had probably rehersed it over and over in her head so it would be beter this time and it was. We left shortly after my friend and his date cut out. I had to be at work in the morning and it now was midnight but the night was going so good and we were having such good fun and enjoying each outhers company and just really starting to be amazed at how much we had in common that i said to myself , F-it, Lets see what happens and i can always call in sick. So we proscede to another bar this time across town. A college bar with more people that i felt she may be more comfortable at. WE get there and one of my lotime favorite beers was there on tap and i introduce her to it. She likes to drink beer more than mixed drinks but had no clue how to tell beers apart or whet to look for in them as far as taste goes and me being the beer condesuer that i am and talked her throught the beer as it intered her mouth. She was amased and to this day that beer sits in her memorie as the best beer she ever had and she alwas drinks it,as far as i know. We talk more and people watch together and analyze people outloud to each outher. if i havent found a soul mate ,i found a really good friend. Weleave and by this time my beer is bringing out the irrational thought and my hormones are taking over. We get to a turn at a red light and i turn left. She askes "Where are we going now?" I say "My place. Do you mind?" ok SHE SAYS, THATS FINE. we arrive at my place which is the garage remodelled and turnrd into a studio and my grandmothers. After my breakup with my ex fiannce i was in debt and couldnt afford my own appartment so my grandmother offered me this so i closed it i n and remodeled it and the 500 plus square feet was plenty. Wood floors, (coffee colored) red painted walls and a back wall that is highly detailed brick wallpaper. Looks like something out of the french quarter. She was impressed to say the least at my decorating skills and how all this was my idea and came from my head. I t really was a sight to see. Any way we watch a movie and started to kiss and fool around on the couch. Now this was all under my lead and she was right back to just following my every move. She was very shy of her chest because it was very very petite, but her body was white as snow and full of freckles and her but was Huge and soft.I had no idea it would be so big because apparently she was wearing jeans that she wore when she was pregnant. She was beautiful and ful of energy after she got comfortable and boy was she enjoying her self. She wasnt slutty but very taste full but full of "WOW"S  and "I VE NEVER FELT LIKE THAT BEFORE!" Needless to say i was high on a cloud but she was so inexperienced that i was able to get comfortable. She was but i wasnt. We went and had breakfast and then went to lunch and then went shopping.We just couldnt stop talking to one another to try and get to know one another more. We continued to date and our feelings grew but my feelings of love just never came around like i expected them too.I knew why, and so did she.She stressed her feelings to me all the time about her being a dnacer and that she didnt know wht else to do and that her good friend was working there and knew she neede money and conviced her to just come there and just dance on stage dont take off her clothes, just dance. Ans she made like 600 bucks that very first night. Now the whole time i was with wher she never made any money while there. She struggled with her bills and her and her ex fought and she and i said he had to go so she kicked him out. She fell behind on rent and bills, she cut the cable off and eveb had the lights cut off one day because she was behind. Now she brought home about 40 bucks cash a day there and they only let her work 4 nights a week.Thats not worth working at a ***** club if you ask me. One night after i got off the late shift she wanted me to meet her for dinner. She had just made 600 bucks that night and she said,"See, every now and then i make it good and bam!! just like that i have my rent" I told her you cant rely on that. it may never come when you need it. You can get a waitress job for 5 nights a week brining home 50 to 100 a night . thats more money than dancing in your underwear in a bad atmosphere. She cried and agreed and admitted that she wanted help but doesnt know where to go so what did i do? Thought of a good resturant and she was there in two weeks. I lent her some money for bills until she got her training done and within a month that little  girl was the number one server with upsales and tips!!! Thankyou!!! I was so proud . but within that month she was still behind on her bills and about to be avicted. Now this girl come to find out has bi polar dissorder and ADHD and her biological mother abanded her and her brother when she was five after her dad left them. The mother left them with a sitter who was an old women and didnt allow them to go outside. the mother was an alcoholic and returnrd to see them every few weeks. They slowly learned how to be alone all the time at a crucial age in the development of their brains. The mother got cancer and was dying so the farther and his new fiancce flew out of stats to go get the kidds which the brother was in a mental hospital at this time for killing animals and setting fire to things. He was about 7, she was 5. So her childhood was f ed up and she was medicated and counciled for a while but her dad and stepmom just were overwhelmed plus not to mention they had a new born child togehter to raise along with her and her brother who was in and out of hospitals. She was putt on suicise watch when in highschool and was on rittalin and metadate and i dont know what else. All of this was not made so clear to me until monthes into our relationship. i mean naturally somebody like this is nt going to just openly admitt hao crazy they are to somebody who could possibly be the best thing that could ever happen to them. So she was a problem child and the older she got the more defient of her parrents she was. she ran away for a couple of weeks at one point until the cops returned her to her parents. Her parents were devastated and didnt know hwat to do. Her dad sat looking out the window for two straight weeks whils she was gone. How do i know this? Her step mother cares for her alot and knows that i do too and that i wanted to help her dearly so she at the end, opened up to me alot. So anyway , they told her that as long as she was under their roof that she had to follow their rules but that roof would always be there for her but that when she was 18 if she wanted to move out , she leagally could.  And thats exactly what she did. on the morning she turned 18 she left and never looked back. She went and stayed with a friend and met her ex a week letter. a Week or so after that hurricane Katrina forced everyone to evacuate and she went with her ex all the way to texas in a car with no aircondition in bumper to bumper traffic for hours. The day that hurricane katrina hit, a cattegory 5 hurricane, the strongest possible, first time in history a mandatory evacuation of all citzens is called for, not knowing if you would eveb have a place to call home. what does she do???? She gets pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now i tell you this once again to see what type of decisions she makes on her own. Her and her parents didnt have a good elationship after she left and it was only her fault for not listening. I mean when shes 18 shae could do what she wanted and she did just that. no meds no counciling. So her parents waited to the last minute before she was getting evicted to intervene. They had a good talk with her and said that she and the baby could move back with them rent free but that she had to follow their rules. I pushed for her t o do it and she listened but only to me. She got fired from her new job because her and some friends went there to eat on their day off and ordered alcohol, so the waitress that gave it to them and her and her three friends were fired. She got another job the next day but just as a hostess only making 15 a day maybe. She never brought up dacing though. i told her that her outher bills were mounting up and a second job, possibly full time was in order so through the news papers she found an office job oaying 10 an hour and i conviced her to take her little girl out of the dirty daycare where she was to my aunts own daycare that i went to when little so she could be looked after properly and be tought better. The plae where she was at was in a bad neighborhood and didnt even have a place outside for the kids to play. And my aunts was only 40 more a mont which her and her ex were splitting anyway. So with her new job and her new place a familiar sense of reality was coming onto her and she was a happier person, so i thought. Her mom told her to tell me that they said thankyou for all ive done and that they loved me. All i did was believe in the girl that she could do it. Well eventually she complained more and more about her parents and when she wanted to go out with me it did seem they always needed her to do something before she left the house so they were starting to cut into my plans but i was still patient. They wouls tell her that she couldnt sleep over by my place because they did nt want their teenage son seeing that, her coming and going. Please, hes 15 16 in sure hes seen worse on the computer.Anyway she moved out into a friends house. Aolder girl who she looked to as a mother she said, a manager at the club she use to work at.This woman was dating a guy who worked outa town alot and cheated on her all the time but she always took him back! Some mother, some rolemodel! this woman helped her get a car, her old one was falling apart. She had a sister who was selling a old lexus for 4000 but i new it would be a gas guzzler,im a car guy remember, not to mention she works two jobs and has to dive plenty of distance to drop and pickup her little girl every day and this was when gas hit 4.00 a gallon across the country. I new it was going to be a bad idea and i didnt trust this SISTER who was smoking and pregnant with her third kid on her 3rd baby daddy and been married twice and had some legall **** with hte car she was trying to sell cuz she didnt pay the note on it. Needles to say i didnt want to put a car under my name 4 her because i was already in so much debt and what if we didnt work out? Plus this car was going to be in my girlfriends name, her friend was giving the sister the 4000 and my girlfriend just had to pay her back montly. Worked out but the sister never got the paper work switched over to my girlfriends name and i kept on her *** about it but i can only do that so many times, you think people would do important things like that on their own. Shes ADHD remember? well friends cheating boyfriend moves back in and says my girlfriend has to go. She begs me to get an appartment with her but i cant affor it and she can barely afford the 200 a month she had to pay by her friends house.oH I FORGOT TO MENTION THIS BUT I DIDNT THINK IT WAS APPROPRIATE BUT I MUST SAY IT, SHE DIDNT MOVE OUT HER PARENTS HOUSE ,THEY KICKED HER OUT. SHE GOT PREGNENT FROM ME AND WE PLANNED ON AN ABORTION.SHE DIDNT WANT ONE BUT HTERE WAS NO WAY THAT SHE WOULD EVER MAKE IT WITH ANOTHER KID AND I DIDNT HAVE THE MONEY OR THE MEANS NOR WAS I READY TO BE A DADDY AND PLAESE I DONT NEED EVERYONE OPINION ON THIS. IVE ALREADY HAD THIS F ED UP SITUATION HAPPEN AND I DONT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT. So she got kicked out over there moved her and her daughte in with me to share one room together. Two adults and a baby in one room and i work 12 hour shift work. That was very hard but we adjusted.WEwere doing good. she went through jobs left and right and i started to see a pattern. She couldnt concentrate because of the adhd. She needed help and meds. Plus her bipolar was making my blood boil sometimes. We go to california on my dads dime and return to find out that her car was taken by the cops. She never got it out of the outher girls name who broke up with her boyfriend and took her car so now this girl demanded her old car back from my girlfriend and since my girlfriend nver got reciepts because she thought of her friend like a mother, they took it. legally. N ow i had no choice but to get a loan with my credit wich by this time was excelent because of all the regular payments i made on all my debt bills. I got her a honda civic so she would have good gas milliege and it would last for a while with out mush work. I even put 1500 down on it so her note would be 150 a month for her. the car even came with a warranty for 3 months and uo too 1000 in parts and labor. Well i new the ac was going out, it made a loud noice , and i kept telling her to take it in to the dealer while its still under warranty to get the noice fixed and checked.  what ti didnt know was that the ac noice was disguising aninternal knock in the motor and i wouldhave noticed that when i test drove it but i just figured , hey ,the ac need fixing big deal. So christmas day the motor seizes and is 4000 for a new one. on the credit card for me it goes but she will be paying it back!!! So here we are ,18 months together, living together for about 8 and im in more debt and she cant hold a job,get ahold of her debt, or seem to consistantly take her meds. She cant take it , i cant take it but i still want it to work because i know how good of a person she can be and howmuch we have in common and have been through but thats doesnt happen. She cant take being cramed up and moves out and leaves me. SHE cant take the arguing. HELLO... THE ARGUING WOULD GO AWAY IF YOU WOULD HELP YOURSELF IF YOU WOULD QUIT RELYING ON EVERYBODY ELSE.! I know i helped her out alot but that was in the begining to get her in the right direction. By now i got tired of it not working but i know the potential for her to be great and normal is still there. Anyway, she left me. I took the car that was in miy name and had a 4000 motor that was in my name too. That was alot of dram, "I CANT BELIEVE YOU WOULD LEAVE ME WITH OUT A CAR!" BOO HOO. S o what does she do? Goes back and lives with her ex and his dad in a house they are renting and she stays in her daughters room. WE dont go but three days before we are texting and crying and wanting to see each outher. So we do, and we still date and still talk every day for 6 weeks but we still argue because she seems to think that i am perfectly capable of getting my own place if her ex and dad can split one together than why cant i get one? For one , i am one man they are two. For two they dont have debt like me not to mention more because somebody cant get their life together on their own. So yeah we fought. But she excepted it and i continued to see her and she came over on the weekends and it was getting good. She realized that she getts the way she does because she doesnt take her meds and she stats taking the again for us, thats right she sai for us. But the very day she came over after being on her meds for a few days, this day was like when we first stated dating. I was in heaven. we cut up and talked and layed togehter in bed but her phone kept texting. And she always was picky about her phone. She said its like a diary or aa purse, u just dont go through a girls phone so i said tell me the truth boo boo, have you been faithfull to me through these rocky weeks as i have? She says she went on a date with a guy but he was boring and didnt talk. And how did you meet this guy? Through my friend so ans so.Oh!!  the one who you said thinks that me and you should get back together? Yeah her. uh hu. So obviously we both wanted two different things. The reality of it is her brain isnt allowing her to see us for what we are.All she knows is that shes not with me and that we fight and she doesnt live with me so she can and has to move on. Instead of seeing how much we have in common and how much we were in love and can be again if she would just take her damn medicine, her brain says try this guy. That was it. I told her to leave and i was pretty much done. I erased her number from my phone every time she sent a text and ignored them all for three days. i was ok but by no means was i fine. I knew by now that i bit off more than i could chew but atleast i helped her more than anybody before and she could atleast say , what would he have me do in a time like this. Or so i thought. 3 days later i find out that shes back at the club dancing and has been there for a few weeks while we were trying to mend it. I sunk so low. Lower than i ever sunk before. At that moment when i found that out i felt so betrayed and used that every one of my great memories with her just vanished and i havent been able to relive them yet. They greatest girl yet ahs betrayed me the most and ment the least. Oh yeah sure, its a valuable life lesson but damn. I coulnd eat or sleep for days.The question of WHY WHY WHY kept running through my head. I had to leave work and wright her a letter and put it in a ziplock bag and attach it to her car windsheild (she bought a car with her tax returns) cuz it was raining that gloomy night. I get home and every hting constantly reminds me of her. I cant think clear. i want the memories gone. I call my mother at three in the morning and tell her that i think i need to go to the hospital. so we go and they cant help. No phyciatrist on call or available. she texts me while im in the hospital wanting to know whats going on and why im there and if i need her to please ask her for help. I told her that i do need her, to talk to her for some closure. She arrives at the house and we talk and cry and she says shes sorry for draging me into her life and for every asking to play pool and that shes sorry to be dnacing again but when she moved there she had to come up with tthe rent in a week and had no car and the club was in walking distance so she de jayed a couple nights but that wasnt cuttin it so she had to start dancing. i asked how lond do you plan on dancing for and she sayed until shae can get a place of her own. She did even think of another job. Theres all kinds of places right around that club where she could get a damn job. I told her i loved her and i asked her what she wished for and she knew exactly what i ment,"DEAR GOD PLEASE LET THIS GUY BE THE ONE" I told her that mine was " PLEASE LET ME MARRY THIS GIRL AND LET HER BE THE ONE" SO thats it. We told each outher our wishes because we new they would never come true(crying now) and then it hit us both and it was hard. I walked her to her car and kissed and hugged her goodbye . I watched her drive down the street as tears ran down my face. She stopped at the corner and her horn went off for 5 long sseconds. her face was on the steering wheel. she drove off and i went inside . She sent me one last text saying how sorry she was for coming into my life and that she love love loves and always will love me and she will never forget all that i have done fore her. I told her thankyou but to never text me again so i can move on. Then i proceed to make an appointment with a psychologist for friday. i havent been to work all week.

 

AM i crazy?Am i just as bad off in the head for allowing myself to wonder in this trap? I knew what this girl was an hour after i met her but yet ... who made her have so much incommon with me but have so much wrong. I wish i could go to her parents and get a court order like brittney spears parents did so we can get her life together for good and we could be together. B ut at the same time im sure there is someone else outthere who is perfect for me but i just have to find. im going to see a psychologist to help me figure out why i even looked for a girl so vulnerable like this in the first place.

any kind of feed back or suggestions would be great.

losername1 losername1
26-30
1 Response Mar 18, 2009

Maybe she has a "dissociative identity disorder".