At the End of My Rope

My life has really been turned upside down in the last year and I am at the point that I don't feel I have the strength to tackle these situations. 

The history here is that I am single but living with my ex.  We've actually been divorced since 1984 but got back together within a year of that. We never remarried. We've had a few breakups since then but always got back together. The same things go on now that were the reasons for the divorce 25 years ago.  Obviously I never learned my lesson.  I can not even honestly say that I have ever been truly in love with this man.

We have two children that are now grown.  Most of the reasons for reconciliation were because of the kids. The last breakup we had was in 1999.  My son was to enter college that year and even though I made fairly good money I could not have put him through college by myself.  I know now and I vaguely knew then that this was the only reason I let him back in. 

So, since 1999 we built a fairly large home with quite a large mortgage.  I changed careers, majorly, about 4 years ago. Financially we were doing fine at the time and it was a good time to make a move. I knew I would not make as much money doing this as my previous career but it was actually part of a bigger plan where down the road it would pay much better and it was something I always wanted to do.

Within the same year I changed careers my ex started drinking heavily again. He started  to lose business. He lost two major clients that year and things were starting to get really tight. The next year he lost his biggest client.  The reasons for losing these clients was his attitude and not showing up for the jobs because he was hungover most of the time.  He is a subcontractor that works for other contractors.  I was making just ok money and not nearly enough to support this home by myself.  His income was now 1/4 of what it used to be.  Then I came to find out he was using drugs, heavily. In 2007 we both had to file bankruptcy.  We had to file separately because we were not married.  The mortgage payments we were behind in and a large amount of income taxes he owed were put into a repayment plan under his bankruptcy.

Meanwhile I was moving on to the "bigger plan" in my career.  It so happened to be that my daughter shared the same passion and we decided to do this together.  Her fiance financed the project and we opened a beautiful store in October of last year. Shortly before opening the store my daughters fiance lost his job, a very lucrative job. Things changed drastically after that.  His attitude toward me changed. He made no secret that he didn't want me around.  There simply wasn't enought to support 3 owners of just one store and he slowly made it so miserable for me I was forced to leave at the end of January.

Needless to say I was very distraught. To make matters worse, at some point during the 4 months of working mostly 7 days a week and 12 to 14 hour days my ex stopped making the bankruptcy repayments and the bankruptcy was discharged. We have been able to somewhat work out the situation at least for a little while with the mortgage company but the IRS situation has not been addressed. He is not addressing this situation at all. He is gone almost every night and sometimes doesn't even come home.  I've now come to find out that he has been having a realtionship with someone else since April of last year.

So now what do I do.  I'm so angry, sad and depressed. I can't even make it one hour without breaking down. I wan't to just pack up and run but I have no where to run to. I have 4 dogs and a bird and a bankruptcy now on my credit and I'm broke. It isn't like anyone is going to rent me anything.  I just don't know where to start to try and rebuild this mess of a life.

If anyone has any suggestions I would love to hear them. 







doggie1 doggie1
4 Responses Mar 19, 2009

You defiantly need to remove him from your life! As for bankruptcy, it's not all that bad, my 1st wife cost me 100k and another 20k to the IRS. If you owe the IRS, look into something called "Offer in compromise". If your income is low enough you can basically get out of paying 99% of the taxes owed. <br />
If you need more info just message me<br />
<br />
Take care

Ive been there about a couple of years ago, not to that extent, but I know how you feel, but you just have to keep going, keep trying, dont give up, you can pm me and maybe i have a few ideas for you

Lord, i thought I had problems. <br />
Is there any family of yours you can ask for a place to stay? Even if you have to relocate. Because you have to get yourself free from this loser, a clean slate! I know this is hard because of the children, but you must be happy, or at least free from the pain this man has inflicted on you. In doing this you will be much healthier physically & mentally, & this is important for your children too.<br />
If you want, you can contact me anytime.

Type your comment here...