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I Feel Very Alone Rate Now

Today i finally confessed and broken down to open up a bit today. My husband is a  rageaholic and i realize i have no where left to turn. i thought it might get better to things would work out but i feel like my life is out of control rate now and not sure really where to turn anymore.

i love him with all my heart but i fear this is not enough to go on anymore. i am 5 months pregnant and i have to start looking out for the baby. i know how hard this is going to be but i tried everything to keep him under control. i am losing, sadly and his rage is now out of control. its becoming more violent and more often with no rhyme or reason anymore.

here i am typing and i feel broken, lost and confused about this but i know one thing, i just can not live like this anymore. what would happen if he rage with the baby ? or would he ? do i want to take this risk ?

he is taking medication but its not doing anything anymore. we tried seeing a anger management counselor but that did nothing. tried putting note and pictures on the wall but when he is mad its just an other thing to throw. tried to give each other space when we feel heated but its impossible to know when he is going to flip because it just happens out of the blue.

my only thought is to leave my husband and its braking my heart into because i am not one to give up but what more can i do

i can not take him screaming at me and braking everything around me. some how some way i have to find the strength to move away from this before its to late and something really bad happens

life freaking sucks :(

erinjt erinjt 26-30, F 11 Responses Jun 16, 2009

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You're worth it, kid..

thank you so much everyone !!<br />
you are all amazing for reaching out and taking the time to write to me. thank you thank you thank you ....:)

erin, you have a good head on your shoulders,. and have made some wise choices already. All too many times women try to stay too long out of loyalty and other reasons, and then it is too late. I applaud you for recognizing you need to get out, and the minimum temporarily, to see what happens. You should have a loving atmosphere for your baby, not an angry one. Plus you do not need that added stress with still half your pregnancy to go. It will do you a world of good to stay with your mom and dad for awhile, where you get the respect and love you deserve. I wish you the very best, and hey I owe you a pizza it's been a while. LOL!!

I think it's a good idea that you stay somewhere else for a while. If medication and therapy don't help, then I don't know what else to tell you except you might have to leave him eventually. You would never be able to live with yourself if something happens to your child because of his abuse. I'm praying for you

thank you for your sympathies sparina, i am sorry for you to. its so hard and difficult to make the right choice when it comes to matters of the heart. its frustrating to have to deal with some one who is treating you like something you do not deserve and it becomes such a viscous cycle. i am going to leave for a while and if he doesn't change before the baby is born i will divorce him. i can not raise a child in these circumstances due to my own past i know how much damage it can cause. my father and mother are both behind me, so if need be i will be able to move ahead from this. <br />
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congrats on your baby, hope your delivery goes wonderful, personally i am scared to death about that part. i am halfway there, 20 more weeks to go ...yikes <br />
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ha ha <br />
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belly hug, since we can not really hugs ..ha ha

I'm glad to hear you are going to stay with family. You need to stay healthy. <br />
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I really hope he straightens himself out.

Thank you so much mimi28 !! i am going to stay with my morher for a couple weeks <br />
like i told denverguy, maybe he will realize he is losing some one special

thank you so much denverguy, i am going to stay with family for a little bit and see if that shakes his tree. i live in Texas but i Canadian so i am going to stay with my mother in Toronto for while. that's alot of space and he just can come anytime. i hope he will see and change because i will not put my little girl throw this. i agree with you whole heatedly about setting good examples for the kids and that's one childish behaviour i do not want them to learn.

im so sorry to hear that. i have a similar problem to that. mine wa just he treated the babys like that. ive been pregnant for 3 years now back to back. im due on fathers day.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I'm worried that he will hurt you physically. You have to put your focus on you and your baby. Do you have anyone around you that you can talk to or stay with for a while? <br />
You are in my thoughts.

Your home is supposed to be your safe place in this crazy world. A man especially should do his best to make his woman feel safe as well as loved. Clearly he is unable to provide you with this. <br />
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Your heart is good that you want to stay loyal and you do love him. How ever you do not deserve the pain he is giving to you. Take it from a guy that used to have anger tantrums like he did, he knows what he is doing and he likes the attention he gets from it. <br />
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How is it going to be when he throws a fit in front of the kids like that and teaches them its ok do such things? You have done more then your part of trying to get him help and work with him on his problem. If he truly loved you he would find it within himself to change.