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Cursed From Birth

I am 19 year old girl who from very early on has had bad experiences in life. Don't mean to sound pesimistic or like I am seeking attention, but when I was roughly 2 years old my parents were attacked and beaten. My mum had a stroke and will never be the same again and it has changed my life I have delt with it for many years, but for some reason it just keeps playing in my mind, what if this didn't happen life would be different. My parents are nervous people now and my mum cannot go out the house with being extremely nervous. I am being selfish for once and instead of asking for help for them I am crying out for someone to talk to because I just don't think I can keep it bottled up any longer. I have often had nightmares about the event seeing my parents walk through the door dripping in blood and barely standing. It's horrible and ruining my life. Positive things to come from this are it makes me a stronger person in a way, but negative its been slowly eating away at me for years. My mum can never go anywhere without a walking stick she was told she would never walk again but she has done, my dad wasn't to badly beaten but he suffered from a nervous breakdown and now both lifetime illnesses are killing me as well. I just hope I can talk to someone because like I say I am going stir crazy. I Have had councilling before but I wasn't ready for it. Time for me to be selfish and help myself.

justplainoldme justplainoldme 18-21, F 80 Responses Jun 20, 2009

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Understand. I was an unwanted pregnancy born on the day the World mourned during President JFK's funeral. I was molested by a sibling who used the Bible to get what he wanted. My parents turned on me for having a black friend. My peers turned on me for having a black friend. I was left at school until dark. My hands were covered in warts and were burned off with a blow torch. I was heckled by my peers because of the Herbie movies of Walt Disney. No girl would date me as a result. My black friend turned on me. My brother from the Marines turned on me when I was 12 and tried to run me through with a bayonet. Both brothers attempted to kill me on a daily basis. I had no friends and my immediate family disowns me. I could not be an altar boy because I was too weak to stand. My mom sabotaged my marriage, with the help of a Marine warrant officer and now I have no children. I've suffered from alcoholism and PTSD for years. I lost my job as a truck driver after being diagnosed with schizophrenia. Anyone who had to endure what I went through would have the diagnosis. I was locked away in an insane asylum for 2 1/2 years. I fought hard to live despite the odds. I weight lifted to stop my brothers from killing me. I ran because I wasangry at someone who put me down in school. I keptpracticing until only 300 Marines out of 190,000 could outrun me. Two thousand Marines could out sshoot me back in the day. I've been on the Deans list in college after being diagnosed with schizophrenia. I also worked as a newspaper reporter and published two books. I have a trailer, a car, a shed, a job. Like the Rolling Stones say,"You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime...you just might find ...you get what you need." Knock and the door shall open. but if it doesn't. Kick the **** sucker down.

Holy mackerel, I am so sorry. I can relate. Life is so unfair for some people, you don't deserve any of that. I hope things have improved greatly for you.

it's 2014 now and I'm reading this. I just hope the author is ok. Bless you whoever u are.

Damn right. be selfish worry about you for once. im here to talk.

Hey we all struggle and we all stumble. But it's not selfish to ask for help you need to find the right person that you can talk to!

It is not selfish to help yourself at all. Your parents need your love and support but who do you have to support you through all of this? Sometimes just talking helps a lot. You do not sound pessimistic to me at all. My younger years were very difficult for me and still affect me to this day. It is best to get it off your chest as much as possible. Telling others about your feelings can be very therapeutic. Feedback is good too but just the act of spilling your emotions and feelings can help tremendously. You can always try counseling again as well. I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to your parents. Obviously it was a traumatizing experience for you as well so, even though you may not have been touched, it happened to you too. There are also groups for victims of violent crime. Maybe you can find an online community for help in that specific area. I wish you only the best and hope that things start looking up for you. Remember to love, respect, and care for yourself - always.

I have a similar story to yours. When I was 5 my dad was beaten and my mom and I had to watch him die. At that age I knew it was horrible and I prayed with all my might for him to be alive, just somehow. When I got older though I realized just how bad that affected my family, he wasn't coming back and I had not only lost my father but I lost my mother too. I didn't get it when I was little. "Why can't my mom just act normal? It has been years since dad died!" Well I learned to understand the impact it had on her, my mom could not handle the trauma of seeing her husband of 15 years beaten to death and she lost it. She found comfort in alcohol and soon we became homeless because she couldn't support us. She stopped being mom after my dad’s death and it was up to me to raise my brother. After living on the streets, we were taken in to child services when I was 8 and moved around from shelter to shelter. It's not a normal life but, somehow it’s normal to me. I think about how different my life would be but then I remember that the things I have faced have made me who I am. I could be someone completely different and I don’t want to be different. I have ACCEPTED my past and it helps me to make better choices that will give me a better future. Okay, now for the point in me telling you all this, it is to let you know I understand! I’m actually 19 too and I do know how much pain you must have inside and how bad it hurts but you can move on if you allow yourself too. Find someone you can really talk to about exactly how you feel and don’t hold back your tears, let them out! And this might only work for me but a good hug really helps! As much as I hope writing to you helps you, there is nothing I can actually do. It is up to you to move on and start looking for the silver lining. You lost your “normal” childhood and I’m sorry but there is no getting it back but you have so much ahead of you! The only thing holding you back from being happy now is yourself. Your perception is what torments you but, you have the power to change it. This won’t come over night but LET GO and move on to making the rest of your life _______ (well that’s for you to decide how the rest go’s)!

hi. i think u r having lots of free time thats y u r rewinding all the things which were happend in past life is not about sticking to past life is still more dont become panic jst face the situation with guts try to involve in some work so that y may get rid of all those taughts. U can have a chat with me when ever u want to...---urs Badra...

Your not being selfish, seeing the people you love most suffering is hard and can forever cause emotional issues. I have also had counselling and found it a bit invasive and awkward but talking to regular non professional people may let you release some of the pain you bottle up inside. I can see this was posted quite a long while ago but if theres still any thing you need to talk about feel free to message me

It'll get Better I promise you with all my dang heart and soul. Maybe you should try to make a new friend or try to find your soulmate! Message me and we can talk

Yes please go get help. Don't let life beat you down. Keep getting back up and fight for your happiness.

hi

you can do one thing plan for trip........trip on that location where you or your family never visited............

Stop playing this story over and over in your head, you have attached a bad feeling to this story so why tell it to yourself? (you dont like feeling bad right) this may come off as a bitter sweet response but the only to way to break that "my life sucks" cycle you have to start with yourself. You are being selfish... why? you are ruining your happiness by inviting all this negativity into your life. You ask yourself "would life be different?" who knows you can think about that for years oh wait you have been right?! COMPLETELY STOP telling yourself this story its not going to change, it'll be hard beacuse its the norm to you but "if you can believe it, you can achieve it". Start with finding happiness in yourself, ask yourself what puts a smile on your face (give gratitude to your happiness) and when your find yourself feeling down do what puts a smile on your face for me thats music, you have what you want in your life every opportunity has been presented to you, you have just been blinded by the your favorite film "cursed from birth"...that film is keeping you from seeing all the good you claim is not there.

your not being selfish, no human being can help an other human being with out helping them self's first.in order for you to move on in life and help your parents live a better happier life you need to be better and happier, and though you feel you have to take care of them remember your still there child and you have every right to be one to.

hey you sound like a really nice girl and i guess i can't really know what you're going through but i can only imagine how hard it is... i hope things will get better for you and wish you good luck with anything you want to do, and I'm sure that if you managed to go this far you must be a very strong person! and thats not a matter of what in it... im sorry about my bad english by the way haha.. i'd like to talk to you if you ever have time (:
you can find me on facebook - opal bechar.

You can only help yourself. You cannot help your parents. They have to seek the right kind of help.for themselves and quit being afraid to.live and quit instilling fear in you. Without you they may realize this. You only have one life, don't spend it hiding! Live every second of it. Appreciate it.

Hey there if you need a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on, and a listeing ear ill be there for you contact me if you need someone to talk to 905-213-4259

Focus on the positives.. Your mother can walk when the doctors said she wouldn't.. That's a miracle within itself :)

Hi :)

It's not about being selfish. It's about healing. We are what we are.... you must learn how to heal yourself and in doing so, it may help heal your parents as well.

It's a horrible thing what happened to your parents. But, as a parent, I can tell you that your parents would not want you to suffer from it. It is never selfish to take care of yourself. The bible says to love your neighbors as you love YOURSELF. How could you have anything to offer to anyone if you don't make sure your own cup is full? Make it a priority to listen to positive, motivational preachers. My favorites are Joel Osteen, TD Jakes, and Joyce Meyers. Curses are a real thing and words are containers of power. Don't speak a curse over yourself. You are not cursed but blessed and no one can curse what God has blessed! Your destiny is not attached to your past or your parents past. Take your eyes off of your history and seek out your future! Who knows......maybe you could help some other children who have suffered similar tragedies. All I know is, you survived. Your parents survived. You may have been knocked down, but you are not knocked out. Live on purpose and enjoy every minute. Be blessed to be a blessing=)

Being selfish won't make it better it will just hurt you, trust me:)

Do not look at it as being selfish. Selfish would be never having looked out for them in the first place. You have put in blood, sweat and tears for years and it is okay to look out for yourself for once. You deserve it. I myself keep things bottled up, and am now realizing that it makes everything ten times harder than it needs to be. Professional help can ease pain but will never make it go away, unlike when you talk to someone who honestly understands the feeling of rock bottom. I wish you and your family nothing but good luck and fortune from here on out and am happy you finally tried to open up about how you really feel.

God loves you and wants you to stay strong :) wel i'm so new here i joined this about 5 minutes ago but i can tell you that i have been through the same experence, but a bit worse. i'm younger than you i'm 14 what makes happy is seing the positive and bright sides , thanking God for them instead of complaining :) there are so many people in the world who have worse cases than yours just smile, do your best , you're young , you're strong , you're everything you wanna be, <3

I'm here if ever you need someone to talk to xx

I'm here if ever you need someone to talk to xx

God loves you dearly and unconditional!

Be strong enough for them am sure that's what they want you will grow into a strong positively minded woman someday just keep on keeping on

Dear Plain Me, I can't imagine your pain. My life is easy compared to yours. Oh yes I have major problems. Now consider this. You're dedicated to your debilitated parents. Yes, it's an extremely painful existence. But know that you're being saintly, standing by them, being a part of their lives. What would it be like for them without you? Could you be God's blessing to them? Do you consider Christ? There are promises to you, available should you be one of Jesus own. Your despair, your emptiness, your suffering eyes for Mum and Dad. In Him they all have meaning. There's more to life than this dying, evil world. A new world is coming. Look up. Hang on just a little while longer. Ask Him for help. He won't dissappoint.