Cursed From Birth

I am 19 year old girl who from very early on has had bad experiences in life. Don't mean to sound pesimistic or like I am seeking attention, but when I was roughly 2 years old my parents were attacked and beaten. My mum had a stroke and will never be the same again and it has changed my life I have delt with it for many years, but for some reason it just keeps playing in my mind, what if this didn't happen life would be different. My parents are nervous people now and my mum cannot go out the house with being extremely nervous. I am being selfish for once and instead of asking for help for them I am crying out for someone to talk to because I just don't think I can keep it bottled up any longer. I have often had nightmares about the event seeing my parents walk through the door dripping in blood and barely standing. It's horrible and ruining my life. Positive things to come from this are it makes me a stronger person in a way, but negative its been slowly eating away at me for years. My mum can never go anywhere without a walking stick she was told she would never walk again but she has done, my dad wasn't to badly beaten but he suffered from a nervous breakdown and now both lifetime illnesses are killing me as well. I just hope I can talk to someone because like I say I am going stir crazy. I Have had councilling before but I wasn't ready for it. Time for me to be selfish and help myself.

justplainoldme justplainoldme
18-21, F
79 Responses Jun 20, 2009

Hey , are you okay now ....???? If u need a friend . U have me.... You can write to me anytime ..... I am not a Godly Person , but will surely serve my best ... Take care :)

Understand. I was an unwanted pregnancy born on the day the World mourned during President JFK's funeral. I was molested by a sibling who used the Bible to get what he wanted. My parents turned on me for having a black friend. My peers turned on me for having a black friend. I was left at school until dark. My hands were covered in warts and were burned off with a blow torch. I was heckled by my peers because of the Herbie movies of Walt Disney. No girl would date me as a result. My black friend turned on me. My brother from the Marines turned on me when I was 12 and tried to run me through with a bayonet. Both brothers attempted to kill me on a daily basis. I had no friends and my immediate family disowns me. I could not be an altar boy because I was too weak to stand. My mom sabotaged my marriage, with the help of a Marine warrant officer and now I have no children. I've suffered from alcoholism and PTSD for years. I lost my job as a truck driver after being diagnosed with schizophrenia. Anyone who had to endure what I went through would have the diagnosis. I was locked away in an insane asylum for 2 1/2 years. I fought hard to live despite the odds. I weight lifted to stop my brothers from killing me. I ran because I wasangry at someone who put me down in school. I keptpracticing until only 300 Marines out of 190,000 could outrun me. Two thousand Marines could out sshoot me back in the day. I've been on the Deans list in college after being diagnosed with schizophrenia. I also worked as a newspaper reporter and published two books. I have a trailer, a car, a shed, a job. Like the Rolling Stones say,"You can't always get what you want, but if you try just might find get what you need." Knock and the door shall open. but if it doesn't. Kick the **** sucker down.

Holy mackerel, I am so sorry. I can relate. Life is so unfair for some people, you don't deserve any of that. I hope things have improved greatly for you.

it's 2014 now and I'm reading this. I just hope the author is ok. Bless you whoever u are.

Damn right. be selfish worry about you for once. im here to talk.

Hey we all struggle and we all stumble. But it's not selfish to ask for help you need to find the right person that you can talk to!

I have a similar story to yours. When I was 5 my dad was beaten and my mom and I had to watch him die. At that age I knew it was horrible and I prayed with all my might for him to be alive, just somehow. When I got older though I realized just how bad that affected my family, he wasn't coming back and I had not only lost my father but I lost my mother too. I didn't get it when I was little. "Why can't my mom just act normal? It has been years since dad died!" Well I learned to understand the impact it had on her, my mom could not handle the trauma of seeing her husband of 15 years beaten to death and she lost it. She found comfort in alcohol and soon we became homeless because she couldn't support us. She stopped being mom after my dad’s death and it was up to me to raise my brother. After living on the streets, we were taken in to child services when I was 8 and moved around from shelter to shelter. It's not a normal life but, somehow it’s normal to me. I think about how different my life would be but then I remember that the things I have faced have made me who I am. I could be someone completely different and I don’t want to be different. I have ACCEPTED my past and it helps me to make better choices that will give me a better future. Okay, now for the point in me telling you all this, it is to let you know I understand! I’m actually 19 too and I do know how much pain you must have inside and how bad it hurts but you can move on if you allow yourself too. Find someone you can really talk to about exactly how you feel and don’t hold back your tears, let them out! And this might only work for me but a good hug really helps! As much as I hope writing to you helps you, there is nothing I can actually do. It is up to you to move on and start looking for the silver lining. You lost your “normal” childhood and I’m sorry but there is no getting it back but you have so much ahead of you! The only thing holding you back from being happy now is yourself. Your perception is what torments you but, you have the power to change it. This won’t come over night but LET GO and move on to making the rest of your life _______ (well that’s for you to decide how the rest go’s)!

hi. i think u r having lots of free time thats y u r rewinding all the things which were happend in past life is not about sticking to past life is still more dont become panic jst face the situation with guts try to involve in some work so that y may get rid of all those taughts. U can have a chat with me when ever u want to...---urs Badra...

Your not being selfish, seeing the people you love most suffering is hard and can forever cause emotional issues. I have also had counselling and found it a bit invasive and awkward but talking to regular non professional people may let you release some of the pain you bottle up inside. I can see this was posted quite a long while ago but if theres still any thing you need to talk about feel free to message me

Yes please go get help. Don't let life beat you down. Keep getting back up and fight for your happiness.


you can do one thing plan for trip........trip on that location where you or your family never visited............

Stop playing this story over and over in your head, you have attached a bad feeling to this story so why tell it to yourself? (you dont like feeling bad right) this may come off as a bitter sweet response but the only to way to break that "my life sucks" cycle you have to start with yourself. You are being selfish... why? you are ruining your happiness by inviting all this negativity into your life. You ask yourself "would life be different?" who knows you can think about that for years oh wait you have been right?! COMPLETELY STOP telling yourself this story its not going to change, it'll be hard beacuse its the norm to you but "if you can believe it, you can achieve it". Start with finding happiness in yourself, ask yourself what puts a smile on your face (give gratitude to your happiness) and when your find yourself feeling down do what puts a smile on your face for me thats music, you have what you want in your life every opportunity has been presented to you, you have just been blinded by the your favorite film "cursed from birth"...that film is keeping you from seeing all the good you claim is not there.

your not being selfish, no human being can help an other human being with out helping them self's order for you to move on in life and help your parents live a better happier life you need to be better and happier, and though you feel you have to take care of them remember your still there child and you have every right to be one to.

hey you sound like a really nice girl and i guess i can't really know what you're going through but i can only imagine how hard it is... i hope things will get better for you and wish you good luck with anything you want to do, and I'm sure that if you managed to go this far you must be a very strong person! and thats not a matter of what in it... im sorry about my bad english by the way haha.. i'd like to talk to you if you ever have time (:
you can find me on facebook - opal bechar.

You can only help yourself. You cannot help your parents. They have to seek the right kind of help.for themselves and quit being afraid and quit instilling fear in you. Without you they may realize this. You only have one life, don't spend it hiding! Live every second of it. Appreciate it.

Hey there if you need a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on, and a listeing ear ill be there for you contact me if you need someone to talk to 905-213-4259

Focus on the positives.. Your mother can walk when the doctors said she wouldn't.. That's a miracle within itself :)

Hi :)

It's not about being selfish. It's about healing. We are what we are.... you must learn how to heal yourself and in doing so, it may help heal your parents as well.

It's a horrible thing what happened to your parents. But, as a parent, I can tell you that your parents would not want you to suffer from it. It is never selfish to take care of yourself. The bible says to love your neighbors as you love YOURSELF. How could you have anything to offer to anyone if you don't make sure your own cup is full? Make it a priority to listen to positive, motivational preachers. My favorites are Joel Osteen, TD Jakes, and Joyce Meyers. Curses are a real thing and words are containers of power. Don't speak a curse over yourself. You are not cursed but blessed and no one can curse what God has blessed! Your destiny is not attached to your past or your parents past. Take your eyes off of your history and seek out your future! Who knows......maybe you could help some other children who have suffered similar tragedies. All I know is, you survived. Your parents survived. You may have been knocked down, but you are not knocked out. Live on purpose and enjoy every minute. Be blessed to be a blessing=)

Being selfish won't make it better it will just hurt you, trust me:)

Do not look at it as being selfish. Selfish would be never having looked out for them in the first place. You have put in blood, sweat and tears for years and it is okay to look out for yourself for once. You deserve it. I myself keep things bottled up, and am now realizing that it makes everything ten times harder than it needs to be. Professional help can ease pain but will never make it go away, unlike when you talk to someone who honestly understands the feeling of rock bottom. I wish you and your family nothing but good luck and fortune from here on out and am happy you finally tried to open up about how you really feel.

God loves you and wants you to stay strong :) wel i'm so new here i joined this about 5 minutes ago but i can tell you that i have been through the same experence, but a bit worse. i'm younger than you i'm 14 what makes happy is seing the positive and bright sides , thanking God for them instead of complaining :) there are so many people in the world who have worse cases than yours just smile, do your best , you're young , you're strong , you're everything you wanna be, <3

I'm here if ever you need someone to talk to xx

I'm here if ever you need someone to talk to xx

God loves you dearly and unconditional!

Be strong enough for them am sure that's what they want you will grow into a strong positively minded woman someday just keep on keeping on

Dear Plain Me, I can't imagine your pain. My life is easy compared to yours. Oh yes I have major problems. Now consider this. You're dedicated to your debilitated parents. Yes, it's an extremely painful existence. But know that you're being saintly, standing by them, being a part of their lives. What would it be like for them without you? Could you be God's blessing to them? Do you consider Christ? There are promises to you, available should you be one of Jesus own. Your despair, your emptiness, your suffering eyes for Mum and Dad. In Him they all have meaning. There's more to life than this dying, evil world. A new world is coming. Look up. Hang on just a little while longer. Ask Him for help. He won't dissappoint.

Hi there, I really feel for you as I know how you must feel as I have felt I have also been cursed since birth, my mom is a severe bipolar 2, and my father a sociopath, my grandparents raised me until I was 8 before they died, my life from there was a living hell that goes on even now. I learned long ago to stay sane in this life you have to count your blessings where you find them, in ur case u still have ur mom and dad and they are basically mentally the same people you always knew, though they now have issues of their own to deal with. And your right about the making u a stronger person thing. And I believe life or god or whatever you believe throws us these curve balls for a reason, it moulds us as a person and perhaps prepares us to deal with something in our future or helps us help someone else such as you may become a councillor yourself helping other people cope with the after effects of trauma. You only start to understand all of this once you hit your 30s and I am now a well seasoned vet and a mother of 2 beautiful daughters who I would fight like a lioness to protect and funny enough some of my past traumas helped alot of other people when I wrote my book

i have been through roughly the same, my mum and i used to get burgled frequently then i cared for my mother until she used drugs and then become a prostitute for six years to 'feed her habit' i was then removed from her care. We reunited again after five years and she promised nothing would ever happen again, then on the 22nd of january the day of my birthday she took an overdose on heroin and crack, she had a stroke, she has not ever spoken since and hospital gave up trying, they believed 'this kind of brain damage is untreatable'I 14 now and i have 2 little brothers they live with me and my grandparents, they both struggle at school, one has autism and suffers from a panic disorder. My mum used pick me up from school until she was beaten and gang raped not far from my school gates, the pyschos were clever enough not to get caught on camera and got away with it. due to the amount of drug use to her body, my mum told me she had a hole in her heart not long after she has now suffered a heart attack and is on life support. i am not looking for attention at all, i just want you to realise you are not alone. i am always up for a chat and a perfect listener.

It seems there is a huge feeling of guilt in the family because of what happened when you were a child. Firstly it is not your fault. I can understand that it must be difficult living under such a cloud and as selfish as this may sound your first responsibility is to yourself. You cannot protect your parents but you shouldn't take on their guilt about what happened to them. It sounds like both of your parents also need counselling, in fact family/group therapy would probably be useful for you as I should image that there is a huge amount of anger that nobody is discussing for fear of making the other person feel guilty.

I don't think you are being selfish. You just need someone to help to support you through this. You'vr been by yourself and does not know what to do. You care for your parents, they will understand and you, don't be so harsh on yourself. <br />
You can be selfish, everyone is legit to. This is also your life to live.

It not seflish to help your self as it very hard to help other whe you need help

For what you've been through, your doing very well. Its natural to want to talk to people about most things. Im sorry about wat happened. Im always available to talk if you ever need a friend

the best advise i can think of u is...make a boyfriend...a guy who can listen to u....and who has a life exactly opposite of yours....slowly ,trust me....ul start associating yourself with him...ul start living his life...!!!<br />
trust me...this is a great help...!!

You are not selfish at all. You definitely deserve someone to talk to and people to love you. I am a girl who needs someone to talk to also, so if you want to talk to me I am here for you my friend. Send me a message anytime. Also if you want to cry, then cry. It really helps you get your sadness out!

Dear 19 year old girl, <br />
<br />
I understand that you are very sympathetic about what happened to your parents. But you said you were two years old when it happened. You couldn't do anything (obviously) to prevent or help it, but you can now. You can be there for them and take measures against something like that from happening again. Pepperspray and security systems are great. But also, if you keep looking to the past you will be blind to the future. Just live your life, love those around and good things will come as they should. You're much stronger than you were before and you shouldn't feel scared of the possibilities, they should be scared of you.

You aren't being selfish in the least bit, and you can message me anytime you need to talk.

You can add me in yours circle dear girl, so sorry to know such a hurting story and upain God bless you.<br />
pls keep busy in some sport or hubbies, being alone and thinking about problems,suffering real keeps mad, do not be alone,<br />
We all are here yours loving friends,we loves you all,here many nice people for yours company,<br />
cheer up now, are not you lucky we are here to listen you???<br />
My dear little girl Pls start meditation, only meditation can take away yours pain, and you will get a new life.<br />
Ok?:-) <br />
Did you ever recall God for help?

Look at it this way terrible though this experience was you will never forget but don't let the person or persons who committed this crime continue to punish you which is what is happening you are the third victim. LIFE CAN BE VERY CRUEL I WAS ABUSED AND TORTURED PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY BY TWO MEN WHEN I WAS 9 YEARS OLD AND THROUGHOUT MY LIFE I ENSURED THAT IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. My father taught me yesterday is history tomorrow a mystery all we have is now and that is why we call it the present because its a gift. Tell yourself and your parents that you love them very much and that nothing is ever going to change that or your enjoyment of life. I became a counsellor and have shared my experiences with others to show we all have a story to tell. Both these men are now dead anyway but in my mind they have never existed

you went through avery horible experience when your parents were beaten: however, you are a good,kind person: youv'e taken care of your mom and dad as best you have been able to, and, no, your're not being selfish for wanting a life of your own: we all need that. I hope you work that out. Best of luck.

Honestly I found your post searching for the title because I think I'm 'curse from birth' for multiple things that my very existent has caused to happen to my family and me. But while what happened to your parents is horrible actually terrifying at least its something that in time they and you can hopefully move past. <br />
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I'm not saying everything will ever be the same but maybe you could organize somethings for them, nothing big but maybe going outside and having a BBQ with a close friend or something as they start to socialize more I believe it would help you too. Sometimes it the simple, normal things that make a difference. Good Luck!

I'm sure you have heard countless people say I'm sorry and are tired of it, but I'm truly sorry. That must have been a horrifying experience, I can understand your pain. I don't feel that you are selfish, everyone wants someone to reach out to. It's good that you are sharing this, in a place with people to communicate with.

You are a very strong person by letting people know how you feel. I have never been through any thing like that and I respect you.

what about some type of a support group? It sounds like you may need to get physical/real presence in your life as well. Most local papers list the local support groups that meet together - you could call your local hospital too. <br />
<br />
Your maturity level in your ability to admit that you need help is really commendable because I am sure that your parents want better for you. <br />
<br />
I try to provide tools for my children in order to prepare for their lives and sometimes, as parents that's a scary thing to do because we feel it is necessary at all times to shelter, provide and protect our children. Sometimes, life gets in your way. You need to learn to tools in how to effectively deal with the trauma that your parents, yourself and your whole family has experienced. <br />
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Good luck to you and be patient especially with yourself. You are by no means selfish or wrong - you are making smart choices in seeking help.

wow such a sad storry but are u serious why can people be evil enought to do that

Hi, im 19 and as well and would really like to listen to you and just be a friend. <br />
Send me a msg or something if you want to talk.

hows you has ur mum and dad got some ptsd...they should not being evil here but go stay with a friend for 2 /3 weeks with you not there a their beck and call they will not belong helping themselves <br />
.its time you had a life.anno they were badly beaten but they to give you your own life back try it,,,,,,,,,,,, wish u all the luck in the world xo

I am far away from you, but i can be of help if we can chat and write to each other. I have had friends in such a situation before and i have always been there.

Yup... Get help girlie! Nothing selfish about that! In doing so, you will help the family in your future and all who cross your path. If you can't do it for YOU then do it for them.<br />
Become stronger and stronger emotionally by seeking counsel and finding the right things to help you HEAL. <br />
Post traumatic stress is an awful thing, but you can beat it!<br />
I am sorry it happened at all.<br />
My son hanged himself, I have had to really deal with some horrible emotion, but guess what?<br />
I DID.<br />
I am able to counsel others because of that experience and hopefully help them....<br />
<br />
Hugs,<br />

if you're really ready to get help - please go do that from a pro - and certainly not from someone like me. maybe there's someone in EP that can help you, maybe a neighbor, friend, someone in the family. I hope you can find them. I'm a depressed person with a terminal illness so I'm not likely to give any good advice. try to find positive, happy, fun people around you - it helps keep the mood up a bit.<br />
good luck & lots of strength to get thru

I need someone to talk to too, and i hate feeling like i pity myself too. So i know how that feels. I'm a new18, afraid, strong, and I try very hard to be a good listener. if you want to talk to me, and once we get to know eachother better, i might give you my phone number so we can talk on the phone.

I agree with truthhurts. If you want to talk to someone, leave me a comment on here and I'll e-mail you my instant message screen name if you have aol so we could talk if you want?

message me if u need to talk.

It will be okay. It's good that your doing something thats good for YOURSELF instead of working for others for once. Things will get better at some point soon.

I'm sorry... And it's okay. You need to share with someone what you have inside. You need to be strong not just for them but your self. It's okay to be a little selfish. YOU need to be happy and live your life and i bet your parents would like to see you truly smile from the bottom of your heart.

I am here if you need some one to talk to , I really like to help and share my ideas with you .

I am so sorry that, that had happened to you. I'm willing to listen to you if you'd like. You can message me.<br />
And yes, it's your turn to be selfish and let it all out. *hugs*

hey <br />
im so sorry that your feeling down at the moment, im here for you if you ever need someone to talk to, when your ready don't hesitate to email me on:<br />
<br />
thanks ellebetty..x

I am the opposite, My life is blessed. I am loved by everyone ive ever known, Lights turn green for me, and i always find parking. What im going to say is not to be like me, because its not possible for you. I'm not going to lay down my whole point of view in a random comment because you may not understand it all, but the simple version is you need to find someone to counter act your life. A positive to your negative. A lover or best friend does not just fall out of the sky and say here i am. You have to be patient. Whats important is that you start paying attention to the people around you, to start seeking your positive. Dont get this confused with a crush or desire, they will miss lead you, you are looking for someone that makes you smile and seems pure or light of heart so to say. You have had a great evil happen to you and surrounding your self with others of the same lot may help ease the pain like a drink of wiskey or an advil, but it wont cure you. Seek your positive, every Ying has a yang, every action has a reaction, night is always followed by day. Do you see? Life follows patterns and no one ever truly appreciates joy with out knowing sorrow, that person needs you too.

I must say that I thought I had problems until I read your story.I can only urge you to keep on trying as you sound like a warm and caring person.I will be thinking of you and wish you the best.If you need some one to listen I'll be here.

We're here for you, lady, and we're willing to listen. That was a horrible ordeal that you went through, but thankfully your parents survived and have such a wonderful daughter to support them. You definitely have the advantage of being more independant and in-tune to others' needs because of your role in taking care of your parents. But you are right, it is time to take care of yourself, before you suffer any more emotional damage than you already have.

i dont want to be mean, but it happens its life my mom was killed when i was 5 and after years of not having her i feel, and know that life goes on, youll be fine after sometime ok.<br />
<br />

Traumatic experiences can unfortunately stay with you for a lifetime no matter how much you want to let go and get past it. They can change the way you interact with other people. They can change the way you think about yourself. I've also gone through therapy when I really needed it; although, it really hasn't helped. Mostly a therapist unless they have also gone through something, only allow you to let it out but don't allow you to move forward. I've considered a support group, but there's no guarantee that'll help either. <br />
<br />
My trauma is different than yours since it happened to me, though aging parents have dealt me experiences I wasn't ready for as well. It's hard to help people who don't have the courage to help themselves. I understand the difficulty of wanting to ease their struggle in some way so as to create a more fulfilled life. The only thing that you can do until they are ready is be their strength.

I am very happy to talk to you

Dont feel bad my friend. I have your back and a shoulder to cry on

You are not being selfish at all!! This may seem weird but it sounds like you are suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. At least you are seeking help and that takes a lot of strength and courage. <br />
<br />
It may be worth your while asking your doctor to refer you to a psychologist who has experience of working with this disorder or to find a support group of people who have had similar experiences. it is important that you know that you are not alone in the way you feel and to get some support from people who in some way will have an understanding of how you're feeling. If groups are not for you, there are many of us here who will be ears for you...others have offered, now so am I. <br />
<br />
It sounds as thought the attack has left your poor mum with both PTSD and agoraphobia....I feel for her as well as you and hope your family can find the healing from this awful incident that you all need.

some of us experience an array of awful experiences throughout life it almosts seems never ending like a soap plot recurring in different ways and with different characters along the way, but the small moments of joy are the ones to grasp hold of the moments of indescribable pleasure like a when you can contact someone in a conversation without even speaking, someone yu care for immensly. yes they do seem far and few between but this makes you the caring person that others strive to become. . . it has been said before, but htis can only be done when you are 100%... I know this because i've had so many misfortunes you would not believe, not to go into all this but this has shown me that being not 100% myself is only stopping me from keeping myself from getting through the next hurdle and helping others do the same along the way. Your parents would want you to feel your best just as much as you want them to... that is what love and care is all about.

there's nothing selfish about wanting to better your life because if your not 100% then how can you help anyone else

I just want to thank you all for your kind words thank you

Hey,my name is roelof from south africa.I think you need so much more than someone to talk to.You realy need a friend.Im realy sory what happend to your family.It must be difficult for you.I also have a few realy sad stories about my life that i would like to share with you.My email is www.Roelofbekker@live.Com.Please email me if you wana talk.Mwa stay strong

You can talk to me, I would help you if I can

Im always ready to listen to and connect with people. And can relate to almost any traumatic experience. My heart goes out to you. Drop me a message sometime.

Gal i realy feel u, it is great that you are finaly opening up. You are not selfish at all, but rather showing your love for your parents, and that is good, go on and speak out, try talking to a counselor and you will be helped. All the best.

im here if you want to talk sweetheart, you sound like you could use it..dont hesitate to message me! i'll just listen to as much as you want to tell me =)

I think by helping yourself you are not being selfish, you show great concern for your parents not an act of a selfish person. Sometimes it can take ages to find a counsellor that you like if that is what you feel you need. their are many places to look and to do things to help you. Like someone has mentioned poetry, their is art, music many things. I have started to learn about gardening just to get out and around postive people. Also I started doing circus classes only for women, very inspirational and fun. Better than any therapy out there and also being around postive non judgemental people. My suggestion is to build up your support network,friends can really help. Best of luck with things.

There is nothing I can say that u haven't heard before. I am so very sorry for the torment you are going thru now. Maybe you can express yourself in the "I love to write Poetry" club. We all share our very wxperiences in life. You have a lot to share. spill it girl. Give it to me...I am here for you. You can add me to your circle if you want.

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