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Where is my cowboy, where is my John Wayne!!!! Where are the real men!

I put myself on facebook for the first time.  Not sure how to use it yet, but I figured after 24 years of not dating, I'd give it a try.  But I was quite taken back.  All the guys want babes with bodies of 21.....athletic types.   Hey in high school, I ran track, jumped hurdles, played soccer and down hill skied.  But that was 39 years ago.  Come on guys, are you kianding me!   I had a baby, an office job, menopause, its called aging.  My skin is not so tight, my *** is flat.  Do I work out, yea, but now for different reasons, I walk on my treadmill and lift 3 lb weights to keep osteoporosis away.  I just got my new dentures on top, they sure look better than my own.  But I did it all, I had fun, did the sports, traveled to Ireland , went to the Orange Bowl, hey I marched during half time in the Orange bowl, yea, I was in the band, best years of my life.  But now I am 56......unlike Barbie, my body has changed.  And I hope you are not built like Ken, if you know what I mean.  But why is it that every guy I talk to wants someone half his age, must be in tip top shape, and give him so much sex.  I, myself, love to cuddle and sex is nice, but I am looking for my best friend.  Someone who makes me laugh and cry.  Who will be there when I can't find my teeth, or when I fall and can't get up.   I hated that commercial.  My daughter is grown and soon to be on her own.  I don't like being alone, but I can be, I like my own company, and now that I don't do sports due to my joints aching because I was so freaking athletic. Now I do yoga, meditation, swimming, jacuzzi and reading.  I have bursitis in my hips from being the best in high jumping,  and one day, if I take after my dad, will have my knee replaced, since I spend so much time on my knees.   Down boys.......I rescue kitty cats, the ones that no ones wants, the starving.  So far has saved 150, had them all neutered and in good homes, but I can't walk away from a needy one.  Never could.  Thats my problem, my ex was needy too.  I also have one dog.  Im love animals, they never lie, you can tell their true feelings by their wagging tails and nudging heads, and they don't care if you have the perfect body and still look like barbie.  I am looking for a real man,  John Wayne, where are you.  I loved his movies growing up, and even in real life, he was shy and respected women.  I won't settle for a pig in a barn, I want someone with morals, believes in God, good to his friends, treats his woman right, and will take any man down , like John Wayne that treats her badly.  Maybe thats just in tv........alas, I would rather be alone then be with someone who is not real, who expects me to be a stefford wife.  Not going to happen.  If you want the body of a child, then be a child molester.  But mom, shes all grown up now.  Age is coming, for you too.  Stop thinking woman don't age, don't lose their teeth, don't die.  We are all on the same boat!  So all you stupid, shallow men out there, why don't you do us all a favor and jump over board.  Noah only wants to save the good ones...........sorry, but the men I have spoken to.........have me all riled up.  They don't even care if you have a face, just a hot bod and want to have sex all the time.   I remember those days too, in my 20 and 30 and even a little in my 40.....but give me a break 56..........I'm old.  Any old guys out there looking for an old girl, to make him laugh, cuddle by the fireplace, do naket yoga......yes that is a thing for couples........I need an old fart.........I like old farts!......Handsome hunks who think they are 20..........its time to jumps off the ark.

NO12TALK2 NO12TALK2 56-60, F 77 Responses Aug 2, 2009

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hey whats up im old looking but i feel 29 check me out if you want to feel what im talking about

I have to read this again but you are right it's all about the young . Not just the men women to it seems when you get old you are forgotten thrown away

You need a friend. I'm volunteering. You need a shoulder to cry on? I have two. Need an ear to listen? I have two. Need someone with heart? I have ... well, I only have heart, but there's plenty of compassion in there. You want someone who will listen, advise, console and whom you can trust ... like I say, I'm volunteering.

I am just seeing your message now, I apologise for taking so long. just got a new computer and did not have access to one, except for limited tome st the library. Are you still there to volunteer.

Facebook isn't a dating site. I am not saying that people do not hook up as a result of communicating on FB but that is not it's primary purpose. There are lots of dating sites (which are mostly of a waste of time and money IMO) and there are some that work. Crazy world.

Ya I hear you it's hard to find someone in are age group

Ms. You have come to the wrong place for such. Men are dreamers and dream only of their youth. Few live in the now and have faith in theirselves. Men need to feel young and that is why their noses and brains are led around by their d***s. It is a rare thing to find mr right and I suppose I'm lucky in that department. But keep looking! Someone out there has got to be the one.

Hi there,

Well first off, men-no matter what age, caste or creed-need to be put in their places most of the time. And if they're on the Internet talking to you, 99.5 % of the time, they're losers trying to live out fantasies. If they ask you personal things, immediately recognize they are unimportant and make sure they know it, too. Waste no time on them. Losers in life who wish their fantasies were real. Really.

It sounds to me like you've lived a good life, ma'am. Cherish that because there are women out there who are not so lucky. Don't worry about what men think, they have this pea brained idea sometimes that women 'should' be a certain way. Who asked them? If they were perfect beings themselves, then maybe they could talk. But they're not perfect and flawless. What about their bodies and looks? Bah.

Don't worry, you're beautiful. And when you take care of yourself and believe that about yourself, others will, too. It's not their judgement to make. It's yours.

HA HA HA <br />
Hilarious but take it from me the sort of men i would say are "aging with honour" are not going to be found chatting online or trying to hit on girly girls your gonna have to meet them in real life. <br />
<br />
Even if that means attending some stupid social/dating thing where you meet 100 people and try to find one who isnt a total p***k to talk to.

I feel the same way about women. My 60 year old wife of 28 years thru me over for a 26 year old boy-toy she had been screwing around with behind my back all summer long. I just turned 55 myself last Oct. I'm not looking for "Barbie". I know "Barbie" would not be interested in an old fellow like me. I'm just looking for a woman around my own age to talk to. That's all!

I find it hard to believe that a man of 26 would be interested in a 60 year old woman, not for long anyway. sadly mother nature does not make it a good fit sexually. would you take her back. 28 years is such a long time. i am sorryfor your pain,

I would love to be supportive here but let me tell you as someone who has been alone for a long time since my husband passed, there are no John Waynes anymore. I would love one too. Men have grown weaker with each passing year. <br />
I wish you luck but you are going about things the right way. Do the things in your life that make you happy and pray the rest falls into place.

the facebook atter i know the feeling my 1st day was a disaster my daughters had show me~still at times i forget

i am 41 yrs old and i have realized that if you just are with someone for there looks or sex you will end up alone and lonely. the fact is everyone gets old and starts to sag lose their looks maybe gain some weight whatever if your not with a person for who they are meaning personality, caring and being able to talk and do things with them you will end up unhappy i am a guy and there is a guy somewhere for you that thinks this way stay strong you will find him

finally a man who is looking for his soulmate, not a playmate. It is not me that is looking for perfect looks, and that 21 year old bod, that impossible, but every man I speak to, that is what they want. Even my own brother in law put on face book that he is 28 to get the young ones. and he he 60. Looks good, but not 28 for sure. It is impossible to age without your body going with you. There must be a man out there who is not just looking to have sex. The last guy, you didn't even need a face.........how shallow is that. that didn't matter, just the body and have give him sex. What a turn off. Yes I won't make the mistake of ever being with someone just for looks and sex..........I am not like that at all, but the men all seem to be.

Lots of us around the world are going through very hard times. I bet it was always like this but because we weren't here before we think that things are worst than ever :) <br />
<br />
I see you as a generous person, a loving mother and a caring daughter. It's only natural that you feel tired, drained and depressed: lost your job, there's an important professional issue to be resolved in a Court of Law, you worry because you want your daughter to get well and have a happy life, you are concerned about aging as you remember how your mother used to be, the years brought you some ailments and you miss having a partner, a friend, an ally, a lover to walk the road of life with you. <br />
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It's too much for just one person to handle without being sometimes crushed by all the stress and so many responsibilities. <br />
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Just try to look at some positive changes you were already able to make in your life: the healing massages, making a present for your daughter (as you can't afford to buy one), not having stupid men around you and most of all taking care of your depression. <br />
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I admire and compliment you for all that!

thanks for your words of encouragement. We did have a bit of luck, our basement was under 8 inches of water, our house insurance would not pay for flooding from the ground, the rain was from hurricane Irene. But my town was declared a disaster, and that was a good thing, as Fema came to our house to check out our damages to our furnace, no heat, and mold starting to grow on all the walls. 3 days later, we rec'd a check for 1900....was able to pay the plumber, so we have heat now, and pay for electric and my cell phone, and our internet......so Irene turned out to be good news for me. I may be on medicaid for now, which I hate, never being unemployed since I was 15, but medicaid is paying for my front dentures for FREE. So I am trying to count what little blessing I have. My mom has gotten worse, and I pray every night she is here with me tomorrow. Shes been my closest friend for 56 years, and will surely leave an emptiness in my heart, plus without her social security, and me on medicaid, we will lose the house for sure. After my dad worked 3 jobs to build it, It would kill me to lose it.....I pray I can find work before this happens.......everything is on the edge.......,..but I hang on, cry when I have to....even laugh when its too much........there are people worse off than me.......for now........thanks so much for caring. It makes me realize there are so many caring people out there. And to reach out to a stranger, makes my heart skip a beat and gives me hope. Thanks

When u reach the end of ur rope, tie a knot and hang on!! I know what it's like to be in the pits. After it all, I discovered my happiness. Personally, happiness is a choice that I make everyday, rain shine, whatever. If u like to read, the book, "1325 Buddhist ways to be happy". I am not Buddhist, but it helped me tremendously.

I read books like that all the time, especially when I am at the end o my rope. The words can really save you. I will check it out.

I am with you on the depression and loss of self loss of job loss of everything l have ever worked for and see no help no end in sight. I have good days and bad dark and deep. I wake up like Im going to work but lay there because there is nothing for me to do. no where for me to go. I feel as if my mind is mush and my social skills fail me I cant talk to any one with out making an *** of my self or becoming suddenly aware of what I dont know any longer. I feel useless and unable to regain anything worth anything. <br />
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As far as men they dont seam to change at 18 of 56 sex is a motive in talking to us.

Hey, its a good thing that you at least wake up. Sometimes I have slept so much, I have missed the entire day. I figure whats the difference, no where to go, no money to shop, no friends to hang out with, they all have jobs, and lead a totally different life style. I had skills when I lost my job 2.5 years ago, but now, my self esteem is as low as it can be. What if I can't do the things I used to do, but at 56, no one wants to hire you at all, they won't call. I will be on state aid until I am old enough to retire. No golden years for me....no golfing vacations, nothing but worry, and for what...to end up like my mother and have my daughter abuse me since she can't handle it. I have tried meditation, so hard, trying to empty my thoughts, make them go away. Makes it peaceful for a while. But then, they're back. So now i keep a notebook. On the left side, when I think a worry thought or something negative, I write it down, and then on the right side, I brain storm, how I can fix this problem. I get some good ideas, but mostly money fixes all, and without a job............all the ideas in the world won't help. Right now, I am thinking of starting my own business, since I won't lay me off.

First advice i would give you is to stop being negative (please keep reading). No matter what we are going through our attitude makes the situation. how easy it is for you to feel sorry for yourself you can be positive out of the situation, because to be honest if your negative or positive about it your going to be in he same situation. so try and be positive it will make you feel alot better. Trust me just start ready books about positive thinking and try to be a little more strong and i promise you, you will make it through it. the sun always shine after the storm!!!!

I am not being negative.....I am being realistic. But I do read those books to help me not worry so much. No one will hire me at 56, so I was thinking about starting my own business. So I have not given up, still scared to death, still worry about my mom, if she dies, I will lose my best friend of 56 years, plus lose her house as I can't afford it on medicaid. My dad worked 3 jobs to build this house. I just can't let that happen. My sister was helping me out a bit, but now her husband who walked out on her 2 years ago, but still married, is going to declare bankruptcy, lost his car, repossessed and my sister who works so hard as a heart nurse and is not in the best of health, and who paid every Penney for this house... is terrified that she will lose the house, all because her husband who worked out daily at the gym she paid for got all buff and decided she was too fat for him, and now he is pretending to be 28 on facebook. My entire family is hanging on that last rope. But still, that helicopter crash in NY yesterday with the group of tourists, the one lady that died ....it was her freaking birthday surprise, a ride over the skyline of NY. Instead she ends up stuck in the back seat of the copter, everyone else got out, but the birthday girl died alone, on her s birthday in the Hudson River. God........my life is great compared to that. But she was so excited about her trip to NY. She was from Austrailla. Just not fair. Life is not fair.

First advice i would give you is to stop being negative (please keep reading). No matter what we are going through our attitude makes the situation. how easy it is for you to feel sorry for yourself you can be positive out of the situation, because to be honest if your negative or positive about it your going to be in he same situation. so try and be positive it will make you feel alot better. Trust me just start ready books about positive thinking and try to be a little more strong and i promise you, you will make it through it. the sun always shine after the storm!!!!

I am going through similar.My son is an adult with a sickness & I have 2 other adult kids.After 16 years of domestic voilence & looking after 2 ex partners I finally started studying but no sooner had I passed some minor study & was trying to get work when the doctor said I must give it all up for now if I was to help my son properly.He has schizophrenia.I have been trying to teach him semi independence & encouraging him to take his meds.All the accomodation workers when he has tried to get in have been so discriminate in what they expect to the point of cruelty.They say he is not independent enough or he is too independent,they don't listen to me & one interview seemed so much more like an interogation.It is disheartning but I will perservere,I never give up hope.As for work well I don't know whether I can get into the feild I studyed for now & as far as going back to study well that is a bit of a bummer as like you I am turning 50 this year.My life has always seemed to be sad too & I just want to be happy.I have had trouble with men & feel the same way you do about men our age.Have you seen the movie "last chance harvey" it is great & shows us never to give give up on love its out on dvd.My daughter says it is not sicko to go for a younger man up to 10 yrs.Who knows what will happen in the future.I recently met a woman in her fifties sixties that was single who had wanted kids but travelled with her ex partner instead.I am glad I have children.Pets are a blessing as well & are great company.Anyway Take care

schizophrenia is a hard disease to handle. If they take their meds, they can have somewhat of a life, but off the meds, can be dangerous. Depression that my daughter suffers on, she has threatened suicide so much, that one night I just cried and asked God to take us both just to the pain. I will check out that movie. I read something the other day that made me realize what I was doing wrong. When you're young, you plan for the future, hope to find love, marriage, getting that house, a future career. But after 50, our future is coming at us too fast. This article advised that we should do things that bring us instant job, a rush , fun, no more planning for anything in the future, that creates worry, the only thing is to do something that is fun, outrageous, and crazy, but our life is short, and we only have the days that we are lucky to have. I guess its like that movie the Bucket list. Its time to list the things we wished we had done, and do them anyway we can, and who cares what anyone thinks

It truly saddens me that I see so many women who are searching for a good guy. I genuinely apologize for the other guys in this world, I don't know why guys can be such jerks, I suppose its because they send so much time hanging out with other jerk guys that it rubs off on them hehe. But I have not lost hope and you should not either. We are not all so lucky as to find somebody to love in this world, but I truly believe that chivalry is not dead, and I believe that there is much much more to a woman then a pretty face. On top of that I even believe that there are other guys out there who feel like I do. So don't give up, and remember, even though at times it can seem like there is nothing to live for, like there is so much bad in the world, remember to stop and look around you at the simple beauty. This is how I achieve my happiness. This world we live in is a beautiful one, its a little busted, and even cruel at times, but still good. All I know is that we need to enjoy life while we can, even if it seems impossible at times, for none of us know what is on "the other side". Let me know if you need to talk. I probably can't give you a happy day, but perhaps a smile or two, if I'm lucky ;)<br />
-Michael

what part of the world do you come from Michael. I could use that smile....

LIFE IS SUFFERING, if you can accept that, things will get better. I feel for you and especially your daughter. I also suffer from depression. The best advice I can give is show her how beautiful life it in the most simple forms...things which are free. Dont buy her anything for her birthday, give her a memory, and let that memory last a life time. The greatest bonds in life are withthe ones we love, as a family. How ever big or small, complete or incomplete. Share the moments. Share the love. Share your lives together. Find a happy place and take her there, good things will come to those who deserve them...and she does.

if you need someone to talk to, I'd be honored to lend a friendly ear. I can tell you're a good mother who cares deeply about your daughter. That's something to be proud of. And 55 is a beautiful age. I'm serious. You'll find a bit of happiness soon enough.

You sound like an amazing person/mother. Hope everything works out for your family.

Hope everything turns out well for you. You sound like an amazing mother/person and you deserve the best.

Hey i don't mean this to sound bad but its nice to here im not alone when i read peoples comments.<br />
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I'm not christian but i am spiritual, I am 21 and i have suffered on and off with depression for a while but just lately i fell into a very bad spell again i have a young daughter and i feel so guilty because i don't want her to pick up on my negative emotions.<br />
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I get Reiki healing, i don't know if any of you have tried it but it really helped me, i felt someone had wrapped me up in a blanket and i was being swayed from side to side, and it really restores you body and mind, especially if you are experiencing pains from anxiety, it stopped my panic attacks completely. It is not connected to any religion so anyone can give it a go.<br />
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Hope this helps for anyone who needs it, i know it costs but if you can just save up the money for one session it can really bring you into the now and give you piece, and if you cant find a job given your age, if you could some how get some funding you could train as a reiki healer, and it can help people who are in pain around you and yourself, might give your mum some comfort.<br />
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I hope everyone who is suffering pulls through, and i hope i do to.<br />
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Love and Light Gemma

thanks so much about that info on Reiki healing. I think I will check out a class. You make it sound so peaceful, I think it will help both me and my daughter. Than
ks

I cant think of what to say that is not a cliche or has already been said so I will just say that I admire your courage enormously. To have endured so much and still think about your daughter first....you must have a truly mighty heart. I hope God/the gods/he/she/it bless you for it. There is nothing wrong with occasionally having doubts or wishing that you didnt have to put up with it or that it was somebody else's problem. Its part of being human.<br />
As far as depression is concerned, I can suggest only the cures that sometimes work for me and that is to go to someplace that makes you happy, do something that you are good at and that satisfies you or help other unfortunate people out which works as well. I am sorry, these are the things that work for me or for others that I know off.<br />
I hope everything works out for you.

I'm so sorry about this. I wish I had some words of advice, but sadly, I have none. I can't say I know how you feel either. You deserve to be happy too. Everybody does. I admire you. I admire your strength to keep going, and your sacrifice for your daughter. You're extremely brave. I wish I was more like you. I'm in my teens, and I don't even have half the strength you do.<br />
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Stay strong. I hope your life's going to be filled with happiness. Good luck.

Your story sounds very similar to mine if you wish to message me sometime your welcome to take care

You are a dear person. You choose to reach out and tell your story and wish us all a better life. Those of us who are suffering, at list myself thank you for doing that. Can't offer any advice since I too are clueless about how hard life has become, but I can wish from the bottom of my heart a better life for you and me and all those who keep trying no matter how hard it gets.<br />
Hold on to the wonderful relationship you have with your daughter. Is precious...I sent my love to you just like a sister would.

This artical helped me: <br />
<br />
Living With a Mood Disorder<br />
<br />
MOOD disorders are alarmingly common. It is estimated, for example, that more than 330 million people worldwide suffer from serious depression, a condition characterized by overwhelming sadness and a loss of pleasure in everyday activities. It has been estimated that in 20 years, depression will be outranked only by cardiovascular disease. Little wonder that it has been called “the common cold of mental illness.”<br />
<br />
In recent years bipolar disorder has received greater public attention. Traits of this illness include severe mood swings that vacillate between depression and mania. “During the depressed phase,” says a recent book published by the American Medical Association, “you may be haunted by thoughts of suicide. During the manic phase of your illness, your good judgment may evaporate and you may not be able to see the harm of your actions.”<br />
<br />
Bipolar disorder may affect 2 percent of the population in the United States, meaning that there are millions of sufferers in that country alone. Sheer numbers, though, cannot describe the tormenting experience of living with a mood disorder.<br />
Depression—Overwhelming Sadness<br />
<br />
Most of us know what it is like to experience a wave of sadness. In time—perhaps in just a matter of hours or days—the feeling subsides. Clinical depression, however, is far more serious. In what way? “Those of us who are not depressed know that the rides our emotions take us on eventually end,” explains Dr. Mitch Golant, “but the depressed individual experiences the ups and downs, twists and turns of his feelings as if on a runaway train without a clear sense of how or when—or even if—he can ever get off.”<br />
<br />
Clinical depression can take many forms. Some people, for example, have what is called seasonal affective disorder (SAD), which manifests itself during a particular time of year—usually winter. “People with SAD report that their depressions worsen the farther north they live and the more overcast the weather,” says a book published by the People’s Medical Society. “While SAD has been linked mainly to dark winter days, in some cases it’s been associated with dark indoor work spaces, unseasonable cloudy spells and vision difficulties.”<br />
<br />
What causes clinical depression? <br />
<br />
The answer is not clear. While in some cases there seems to be a genetic link, in most instances life experiences appear to play an important role. It has also been noted that it is diagnosed in twice as many women as men. But this does not mean that men are unaffected. On the contrary, it is estimated that between 5 and 12 percent of men will become clinically depressed at some point in life.<br />
When this type of depression strikes, it is all-pervasive and affects virtually every aspect of one’s life. It “shakes you to the core,” says a sufferer named Sheila, “corroding your confidence, self-esteem, your ability to think straight and make decisions, and then when it reaches deep enough, it gives a few hard squeezes just to see if you can hold on.”<br />
<br />
There are times when a sufferer can gain much relief by talking out his or her feelings with an empathetic listener. (Job 10:1) Even so, it must be acknowledged that when biochemical factors are involved, depression cannot simply be willed away with a positive outlook. Really, in such a case, the dark moods of this illness are beyond the sufferer’s control. Furthermore, the sufferer may be as baffled by the condition as family members and friends are.<br />
<br />
Consider Paula, a Christian who endured crippling episodes of intense sadness before her depression was diagnosed. “Sometimes after Christian meetings,” she says, “I would rush out to my car and weep, for no reason at all. I just had this overwhelming sense of loneliness and pain. Although all the evidence showed that I had many friends who cared for me, I was blind to it.”<br />
Something similar happened to Ellen, whose depression required that she be hospitalized. “I have two sons, two lovely daughters-in-law, and a husband—all of whom I know love me very much,” she says. Logic, it seems, would tell Ellen that life is good and that she is precious to her family. But on the battlefield of depression, dark thoughts—no matter how irrational—can overwhelm the sufferer.<br />
Not to be overlooked is the significant impact that one person’s depression can have on the rest of the family. “When someone you love is depressed,” writes Dr. Golant, “you may live with a chronic sense of uncertainty, never really knowing when your loved one will recover from a depressive episode or fall into a new one. You can feel profound loss—even grief and anger—that life has deviated, maybe permanently, from the norm.”<br />
<br />
Often, children can detect a parent’s depression. “A depressed mother’s child becomes highly attuned to his mother’s emotional states, carefully observing every nuance and change,” writes Dr. Golant. Dr. Carol Watkins notes that children of a depressed parent are “more likely to have behavioral problems, learning difficulties, and peer problems. They are more likely to become depressed themselves.”<br />
<br />
Bipolar Disorder—Consistently Inconsistent<br />
<br />
Clinical depression is indeed challenging. But when mania is added to the equation, the result is called bipolar disorder. “The only consistent thing about bipolar disorder is that it is inconsistent,” says a sufferer named Lucia. During mania, notes The Harvard Mental Health Letter, bipolar patients “can be unbearably intrusive and domineering, and their reckless and restless euphoria may suddenly change into irritability or rage.”<br />
<br />
Lenore recalls her experience with the exhilaration of mania. “I was absolutely brimming over with energy,” she says. “Many called me a superwoman. People would say, ‘I wish I could be more like you.’ I often felt a great sense of power, as though I could accomplish anything. I exercised furiously. I functioned on very little sleep—two or three hours a night. Yet, I woke up with that same high energy level.”<br />
<br />
In time, however, a dark cloud began to hover over Lenore. “At the height of my euphoria,” she says, “I would feel an agitation from somewhere deep inside, a motor running that could not be shut off. In a flash, my agreeable mood would become aggressive and destructive. I would verbally pounce on a family member for no apparent reason. I was furious, hateful, and completely out of control. After this frightening display, I would suddenly become exhausted, tearful, and extremely depressed. I felt worthless and wicked. On the other hand, I might switch back to my amazingly cheerful self, as if nothing had ever happened.”<br />
<br />
The erratic behavior of bipolar disorder is a source of confusion to family members. Mary, whose husband suffers from bipolar disorder, states: “It can be confusing to see my husband happy and talkative and then suddenly become despondent and withdrawn. It’s a real struggle for us to accept the fact that he has little control over this.”<br />
Ironically, bipolar disorder is often just as distressful—if not more so—to the sufferer. “I envy people who have balance and stability in their lives,” says a bipolar patient named Gloria. “Stability is a place that bipolar people visit. None of us actually live there.”<br />
<br />
What causes bipolar disorder?<br />
<br />
There is a genetic component—one that is stronger than that of depression. “According to some scientific studies,” says the American Medical Association, “immediate family members—parents, siblings, or children—of people with bipolar depression are 8 to 18 times more likely than the close relatives of healthy people to develop the illness. In addition, having a close family member with bipolar depression may make you more vulnerable to major depression.”<br />
In contrast with depression, bipolar disorder seems to afflict men and women equally. Most often, it begins in young adulthood, but cases of bipolar disorder have been diagnosed in teenagers and even children. Nevertheless, analyzing the symptoms and arriving at the proper conclusion can be highly challenging even for a medical expert. “Bipolar disorder is the chameleon of psychiatric disorders, changing its symptom presentation from one patient to the next, and from one episode to the next even in the same patient,” writes Dr. Francis Mark Mondimore of the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine. “It is a phantom that can sneak up on its victim cloaked in the darkness of melancholy but then disappear for years at a time—only to return in the resplendent but fiery robes of mania.”<br />
<br />
Clearly, mood disorders are difficult to diagnose and can be even more difficult to live with. But there is hope for sufferers.<br />
<br />
[Footnote<br />
<br />
In part, this may be due to their susceptibility to postpartum depression as well as hormonal changes at menopause. Then, too, women are usually more inclined to seek medical attention and, hence, receive a diagnosis.<br />
Some names appearing in this series have been changed.<br />
Doctors report that often, each mood persists for many months. However, they note, some “rapid cyclers” vacillate between depression and mania several times per year. In rare cases, sufferers switch from one extreme to the other within a 24-hour period.

Dang, I almost cried reading that.<br />
<br />
I don't know what to say, other than to just keep pushing.<br />
<br />
Although you may not be comfortable talking with someone a third of your age, I'd be willing to talk it out with you. I'm serious when I say this, because I know sometimes you do need someone to pour it out onto, and pouring it out onto a random anonymous stranger is usually a easy way to do it (as you have done so far by posting it on EP).

Come to me, all who are weary and over-burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke (servitude) upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find Rest For Your Souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. Words Jesus spoke from Matthew 11:28-30 Just reading these words won't give you the rest He promises, you must first accept Jesus Christ into your heart as Lord and Savior. A simple sincere prayer asking Him into your heart and life is all you need to do. He will then send His Holy Spirit into your body and you will be born again of the spirit. Ask Him to lead you to a Church that is right for you. He will. Read the Bible everyday. Jesus Loves you and cares what you are going through. God Bless

I wish you the best of luck, I hate to see suffering, IF i can do anything to help I know this is like 9 months later but Please add me, I might not be able to help you with being alone at home but you can have a friend ..and just to lightn your mind a lil there are a few of us men out there that thing about whats inside not whats inbetween your legs. and if your having cash flow problems, i can't do much i just got employed yesterday after a long stretch of nothing but I would love to donate something, anything to lighten your load.. it makes me sick to see so much money in peoples pocket and they do nothing for the good of people. I dream of a world that al wealthy people help out.

hi hope that when you read this that it will give ,you a direction to go in but i know one person you can go to and not feel along and that is are heavely father, he won't leave you nor for sake you he's their with you now all you have to do is call on him and all he ask that you have faith ,big as a mustard seed ,he won't cost you anything,i can relate my mom had the same thing you're mom has, wow can't it get lonely i have 3 kids and i still feel lonely some of the time,cause when we get old some of these kids,don't have the stenght that you'rs and my mom raise us as.don't be feel shut out that you can't relate to her anymore she just can't handle what you can,see when {god} close one door he opens another door ,see it must going to be a blessing for you that you had to quit you're job and take care of you're mom , god said in everything you do trust in him and not on you're own understanding .so have faith {god} gone deliver for you .see {god} got to clean us up first then he can work in our lives cause if we have people in our lives that we need to forgive then we ,have to ask for forgiveness other than that are prayers will fall {death} on his ears ,so forgive you're boss he hasn't taken anything from you that {god} can't replace .he's able to give you more than you can handle. this is {god's} promise to all of us hold {god} to what he said he would do for you ,me you're daughter and anyone else.i'm gone remember to pray for you're {family} when you need some one to talk to feel free to leave me a {messsage} .bless you and you're daughter, amen {DIANE MOSS} IT'S GONE BE ALL RIGHT}

i think ur gonna be fine, depression is bad but don't let it get you down. I know this might sound rude but just live for tomorrow if you think your going to die anyway. Just forget all your worries cuz right now you need to find a job that should be your first thing to do.<br />
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Just live to see the sun again, just live to see all your loved ones, just live for tomorrow because the future is how you make it, not because of some stupid cancer or your family or financial trouble. Maybe you will die, but don't leave this world with regrets. Strive to make a tomorrow better for yourself , because tomorrow starts today. GOOD LUCK!

sorry to see you have so much to deal with....depression is a terrible thing to have i know have been there and always seems you will never be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. i have managed to get over my depression but was very hard so can totally understand the way you feel. i hope things get better for you and your family and the light starts to find you. will have you in my prayers and thoughts. am here if you just want to rant or chat am good listener. ;-)

Im really sorry to hear that sounds like your going throu the worst time. But it might get better. maybe you need to go for a walk and spend tiime on your own. I wish you lots of love. Destinyxxx

I understand that you have experienced a lot, and there is nothing like that feeling of aloneness. But you know what I want you to know, as corny as it may seem, you are not alone God really cares for you and he hears you when you cry, he actually understands. His name is Jesus, God's Son and he loves you very much, Jesus wants you to come to him the bible says in John 3: 16 " For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life 17. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved." God loves you and the bible also says whoever calls upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. Jesus is our help! none of us can do it alone- call on the Lord! He is waiting.

I really don't know exactly what you've been going through but I know what's to have a ****** life and having no one to tell about.So if there's anything I can do I'm willing to help. =)

I extend to you the upmost encouragement and I am so saddened by your story. I pray that everything works out but you must remember that your daughter loves you vey much and eventually things will get better.

wow know something? you can heal your emotional wounds by learning surviving every day little by little and then teach us with your hardships keep on truckin' let us know how to do it while your at it!

When you feel like the world is coming down on you just let it. Go to the quietest corner in the most comfortable room in your house and release all of your anxiety, stress, frustrations, worries and pain. I do this through tears and prayer. you can do this however it works for you. But the key is not to leave until you are released from the hold that these feeling have on you at the time. Don't get up off the floor ( this will probably have you floored because of the overwhelming rush of emotions) until you are free of the feelings you had before you entered the room. Trust me you will not get up the same. You will also have all the issues you had before as well except the one that made you feel like you couldn't handle it all. You will realize how much better you feel when you get up and that there is a place to drop all of your cares and burdens. I know that my God doesn't put anything on me that I can't handle and when I feel it getting a bit too close to what I can bear I give some of it back to Him. Please let this be your relief. It is sure to work on the faithful and the strong. You seem to be both...God bless.

you got a friend here, i may seem to young to understand your situation, but i got ears and a heart that can withstand the pressure, message me or what ever, i will listen, not judge, and if wanted give you my opinion and advice....i hope you feel better take care...and dont forget to smile....:)

I'm glad you wrote. I thought I was the only one that could not connect with my children anymore. I've been a very dedicated mother for so many years and then divorce came, my spouse got cancer and 2 months later I did too. Financial collapse followed and my very angry very sick ex torments me constantly. All my kids distanced themselves and I hardly ever hear from them anymore.I feel abandoned. I have no one.<br />
Maybe there are reasons for this and by reading your experience and the others too, I'm starting to believe that is not so unusual in situation like ours. Lets hope that one day things will start making some sense again. I send you my deepest support from one sister to another...Hang in there.

I'm so sorrry for your situation. I do so understand. I have a daughter with bi-polar/borderlinepersonality disorder, plus depression. numerous suicide attempts, and I'm on eggshells constantly. come to think of it, my mom was the same way. always me having to try to keep them going. In the meantime I'm slowly dying inside. Keeping up the mask, Can't seem to do it anymore. Too hard, too much work. There's more, upcoming possible cancer surgery. Two daughters who have written me off and a brother as well. Just about the whole family. No one to talk to, no one who cares. I was fooled all my life by them, but the minute I tried to be my true self, they all turned on me. I was supposed to stay a doormat, didn't work out that way. Gee, I still feel depressed though, still miss them, Wish I could just grieve it all out and have it go away, VERY depressed, Its not going away very quickly at all. Each day is a new battle. Getting very tired. My heart goes out to you. I truly know the misery you are in.

you should try to focus your attention on the things what you have got ?the divine has blessed us with so many things that we don't look at them.you should be very thankful to the lord that he has given you this life where you experienced so many things,both good and bad(the opposite values are complimentary).<br />
Now why don't you try to do some services,some really good services,like making others happy,seeing your happiness in others smile.<br />
spend some time with some old people chatting with them,listening their stories,making them feel happy.<br />
spending some time with small children,playing with them,telling them some stories,giving free tutions(the subject which you like most)to the poor children.

i understand how you feel. it is like you are alone in the world. no one cares about you. i hope that you will find light at the end of the tunnel you are going thru. just hold on and never let go. Let God be your ears in hearing your problems and heartaches. i know that this will end sooner than you thought. trust in Him. my prayers will be with you all the time.

i just had that same sorta situation where i was really depressed and needed to talk but had only one person to talk to and did not want to make them be depressed since they are already unstable and everything was fianlly going good for them. i couldnt take it so i mentioned how i was nervous to talk to them and said why and they told me not to worry about that since they really care about me and anyone who really cares will always help no matter what. since this is your daughter im sure she will feel the same way and it would probally hurt her more by u not talking to her about ur feelings and being completly open than actually saying how u feel.

I'm sorry for your pain. When it rains, it pours!!!<br />
I know that when I saw a psych for depression, she suggested that everyday I write down 3 good things that happened that day. It was so tough at first, but I learned to look inside that dark cloud and find things...even if it meant I was glad there were competent doctors on hand!!!<br />
Start writing a jounal today, I scoffed at the idea, but it REALLY helped. It doesn't cost anything and it is something you can do. Don't miss a single day.<br />
I know this isn't much, but I hope you can find some peace in this crazy world. Take care,

I'd like to step in as the son of a depressed person that's also mildly depressed.<br />
<br />
It's not about what you say. It's about what you listen.<br />
<br />
In fact, the more you say, the better. But the less you listen and try to understand, the more you'll be isollating yourself from the world. Remember that sometimes you might be wrong and your 22 years old daughter might be right. Remember she has fears too. Talk to her. Make her feel worthy too, and helpful to you. Make she understand she can help you just by being herself. Of course, she must want to help herself. And you must, above it all, crush that silly thing called depression. Remember depression isn't about being sad, it's a disease that makes an illusion where you're you worthless! But you have to be down to earth and realize this is just an illusion caused by a disease. You're a great person who loves your daughter and deserves the best. (And I mean it, I'm not some pyschologist LOL :) )

Please say a prayer to God and ask Him for help. He will help you my friend. I promise.<br />
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You don't need to lose your daughter. Just be a good role model and get her to pray. If you both truly believe, her depression will be removed by God forever. Yours too.<br />
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God did not put us here on this earth to suffer and worry. He loves you no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT.

Weldone. The fist step is talking to someone. I am a Christian and I must say that as a Christian you have some guinuine people to talk to and who watch your bak. Their are a lot of meetings and funtions that keep you occupied and you would find happiness again. Please take care of yourself. We all go through things in life when we feel alone. But listen...you are not alone, you have Jesus just waiting by your side.

i can relate to you and yes that does not help your drepression. its best you find people to chat with who can help you at least they can lend an ear and some advice. i will pray your load gets easier.thier are places who can help you with your mom. they will relieve you for time for yourself.

I am so sorry to hear about your job loss, your mother's dementia and your daughter's depression. I am very close to my mother too and we are both get very depressed. I am new to EP, but I am available to inbox if for nothing else but a sounding board...Take Care :)

your a very brave and caring person, and to put all your troubles aside for the sake of your daughter is a very strong thing to do. i am so sorry for all you have been going through, and you just got to keep hanging on, taking one day at a time. i can relate to some of what you are feeling because my son has depression and real bad OCD, and he has been disabled by it now for almost two years, and i feel helpless when i see him hurting and scared. i hope that in time things get better and that your health improves. did your daughter seek help for her depression? i know you feel like your all alone standing there screaming and yelling for help and that no one hears you, but take comfort in knowing that there is someone who always hears and understands and cares. :)

Hi no12talk2, you are clearly at a difficult time in your life, but as you have already had the courage to share your plight on this site, that is perhaps the first step, and you have indeed already found people to talk to. Whilst you have a lot of challenges in your life, a sure fire way to turn that around is to do something positive about it. I am sure that there are many people who live within your community who are going through difficult times also, why don't you start off a self-help- group. Just a coffee morning perhaps at your house, with others can be a great start and could lead to all sorts of possibilities. Perhaps a few posters around your local area, at libraries, Dr's surgeries, supermarkets, anywhere where people go with your contact details. I always find the best way to help yourself is to help others. I wish you well and good luck, and remember, we are capable of achieving so much when we take courage and faith into our own hands.

Hello from New Zealand<br />
I have just been diagnosed with skin cancer as well. Sqamish cell carcinoma. I have it removed within 2 weeks and am scared to death. I have that very white skin and the New Zealand sun is very fierce.<br />
<br />
I am sorry to hear of all your problems. I guess we all have problems and this site is great to chat to others too from all over the world. I haven't read the other comments yet but hope you are getting comfort from others.<br />
<br />
I know how it is to feel lonely in a room full of people, or in your case a house full of people. I live alone with my cat but have a partner two house down the road. He will be moving in when his house is all done up so he can rent it. Without him, I have no family in the city I live in. My children all live overseas, so I don't see my grandchildren or children. It is very hard when my friends have their grandchildren around them all the time.

Im am truly sry i will pray for you but rember you are never ever alone

trust that this shall pass too. It could be that your daughter is also missing that deep connection with you. I know that it is important to tell our loved ones how we strugle and miss their support. Let her know is your time to support her by walking together and speak to her about both of you being in a hard place at the moment and how you and her heal each other just by talking to each other.

trust that this shall pass too. It could be that your daughter is also missing that deep connection with you. I know that it is important to tell our loved ones how we strugle and miss their support. Let her know is your time to support her by walking together and speak to her about both of you being in a hard place at the moment and how you and her heal each other just by talking to each other.

Iam so sorry to hear of the difficult times your family is endouring,please try not to feel depressed,maybe goe out talk a walk or something,you can always talk with me iam home alone country girl,,,,but please read my profile first,,,Iam twhiteadvisor@yahoo.com I live in south eastern Georgia,,,,,

wow, that is so sad... Do you have any friends that you can talk to? And I kind of sorta know how you feel except I'm livin a life without a mom or dad my dad doesnt talk to me b/c my stepmom wont let him and my mom just well calls me here and there but thats it.... And i'm 21 been barely makin it since I was 17 and livin here and there I have lived in 7 states this year just livin everywhere I never have a chance at a education b/c I never have a stable environment b/c nobody can accept me. I had such a complex child hood that it takes alot to understand me and all I want is a stable home to go to school and work..So I know how you feel with the the suicidal thoughts and thigns of that nature... Just keep livin for your daughter your mom and your family...

Hi nottt<br />
Whew! Been there done that - almost - no one can quite have the same experience as you, but I did suffer chronic stress and anxiety for many years - depression a couple of times. What saved my life? Meditation. Since I cannot advertise my website here - I encourage you to go to a Buddhist Temple - they teach meditation for free - and you will have someone to talk to. Although talking about all that is very depressing - you agree? So find something else to talk about - I suggest that you start daydreaming about things you want in your life - that's right stop the negative stuff and go positive - check out the Law of Attraction website - listen to Abraham - video clips are free and very uplifting. Hey, anything is better than where you are now - if you truly want to rise above where you are now, you have to take steps in that direction. Hope all of this helps you - I know if you start doing stuff like that your daughter may talk to you again, but maybe not too, because when I took the spiritual path, my kids thought I was involved with a cult HaHaHa - the laugh is on them cuz I am doin so great right now - I never would have imagined the peace and joy I feel now. You have to take the bull by the horns and get out of that dark place. <br />
Wishing you love and happiness<br />
Monkess

Oh, my God, NO12! You and I were separated at birth! My father is 100 and suffers from dementia. I am unemployed and having been seeking SSI -Disability for three years. I suffer from very painful arthritis and schizoaffective disorder, and deep, persistant anhedonia (a recent development, having replaced the mania and irrational mood swings - which I kind of miss). My mother was severly depressed and completely withdrawn. I have become completely withdrawn - with the small comfort that I know why (my parents didn't believe in psychology). My daughter is 17, and has always suffered from depression. She has few friends, low self-worth, and fears any atttempt at socialization. I recognized her depression when she was very young, and have tried to help her. I probably contributed to her personality by example and by actually explaining her depression to her and preparing her for it. I don't feel guilty about it, but it does make me sad. And I do believe that heredity and genetics play an important part in both our physical and our emotional growth. <br />
<br />
I've always been very open and honest with her about whatever she's wanted to know about, including the hard questions. I try to give her not only my opinions but other alternative ways of thinking. I know how you feel about withdrawing from her, but I don't think you should. Not completely anyway. It's probably not a good idea for the two of you to become too co-dependant. A website is little comfort for the truly lonely. We just want someone to hug us, love us unconditionally, and clean our houses for us. But it's a new world, and if you're as depressed and withdrawn as I am, this could be a very safe place to find new friendships. Keep checking in here and communicating with us. <br />
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My daughter is 17 and, theoretically, ready to leave the nest. Nothing frightens me more. But it's a sacrifice we all must make. They have to learn things on their own. But don't avoid subjects to talk to her about based on their negativity. She will need to know what your truths are, so as to integrate them with what she will find out on her own. Wouldn't you want her to know all sides of you? You'll always be her mother. Give her all the colors of the rainbow - including the dark ones. We wouldn't be able to experience the light without them. Talking to you about it won't make her condition worse. She probably feels lonely too. But she should see a good psychiatrist and a good therapist. And if neither of you have ever been in therapy before, know this: If you don't feel comfortable with the person you're seeing, if you don't feel that they're helping - say goodbye to them and go see someone else. And keep doing it until you make a positive connection. <br />
<br />
Check back here every day. And give yourself a date, in a month or so, to go out and so something. By yourself at first. Go to the library or a movie. Then set another date to put yourself in a social situation. Bingo, a book club (free at the library), a support group. And do it. At least once. (I know. I should talk!) But you're have to take steps. For yourself and your daughter. And shame on your boss!<br />
<br />
Bless you, dear. <br />
<br />
Peace!

Having been through through two of our aging parents with difficulties, we both want to say to take care of yourself first. Otherwise you will not be of any value to anyone else. Know what you are going through, best wishes. But please take care of yourself.<br />
Love and Joining Hands!

I have a good ear to listen with. I have overcome many stressful situations, and I can probably shed some light on your situations. I'm misty51 and it seem that you also have depression and anxiety, like I use to have. But due to medical help with medications and counselors I feel much better now. Read my story how god healed my bi-polar disorder, depressions and anxiety. This is the place you can share your concerns with, and ask for comments so people can write you back with actual solutions you can try.

Hi,<br />
First of all I would like to tell you and all parents who make their children their friends especially mothers who are alone and single. Remember one thing you can be your daughters best friend but never try to make you child your friend. Because when we do we end up doing more harm than good to them as well as ourselves. <br />
<br />
Secondly, I would encourage you to talk to God on all issues pertaining to your life. You lost your job and your whole sole focus on money has made you have a heart attack. Shift your focus, shift it to God and let God take charge of your life. <br />
<br />
Spend time with God talk to Him about everything thats on your heart. Ask God to take away all your fears an fill you with His faith. "For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline"<br />
(II Timothy 1:7, NLT)<br />
Remember God is your only friend, provider, confidant, leader. Give Him your burden don't try to carry yourself which is in any case not your job.<br />
<br />
Try this and you will seethe difference in your life.<br />
<br />
Take care and God bless you.

M y family is going thru a very difficult time. I, the only paycheck in the house, lost my job.....I was put on family leave to take care of my mom who is 86 and has dementia......my boss had a problem with it. So he eliminatned my job to by pass the family law discrimination<br />
<br />
****** sorry to hear about your mom, tough getting old, the poor thing...<br />
<br />
****** unemployment might be able to help you or an attorney regarding your job<br />
<br />
***** your mom is 86 years old (she might qualify for benefits, free aide care----In our town we have elder care services who can advise a person on what's out there for help with old persons......<br />
<br />
<br />
On top of that I was diagnosed with skin cancer, Melanoma, <br />
<br />
***** I hope it was caught early! Your melanoma might be a gift from a higher power, however.<br />
With a diagnosis such as this.......it is time to pay attention to YOU! Never mind your mother----you can help find her services......she is 86 years old and wants YOU to be okay.....that is how mothers operate. Take care of yourself first.<br />
<br />
and then after a high anxity day at work, I was rushed by ambulance for a heart attack. It ended up being extreme anxiety, something about 3 out of 4 heart valves don't compress right...won't kill me, just give you chest pains and then anxiety. <br />
<br />
My son suffers from anxiety......I would try and find a support group (free) for anxiety sufferers. There is also the midwest center for anxiety that has a program on CD (I paid a lot for it-----but I could swear I read that they would make sure if you need the services that somehow they would make it affordable for you-----I never bothered to ask them and paid the full fee!) Try it. Google the company name. Nice people.<br />
<br />
The problem I have is I have no one to talk to. <br />
<br />
These forums are free.........cyber space is almost equivalent to therapy anyways........my son had therapy (useless) for a year.........cyber space is free----teehee!)<br />
<br />
I used to talk to my daughter who is 22. We were so close, closer than most, so I confided in her when I was sad, or different things I was going thru. She was my daughter and my friend. Now I find out that my daughter suffers from depression, and by talking to me, it might make her condition worse. Like I can bring her down, and she can bring me down. I guess depression is catchy. So I decided not to talk to her on matters that are so stressful, or scarey, or the future, or death.......I don't want to depress her, and now I have found that without her, I don't have anyone to talk to about my feelings. <br />
<br />
Please don't hate me for saying this........sometimes depression can be a little selfish......I was severly depressed for a time------but I have learned the art of self reflection, to put others first, so when a friend had a problem I listened. Because it is the right thing to do. If someone is telling you they don't want to hear your problems because it brings them down.......that is selfish, got nothing to do with depression. What do the starving women and children talk about in Africa, when there are no jobs and no food, lest you have to walk five miles to get it--------there is a little bit of selfishness that comes with depression. Your daughters depression is a path she must go down in this lifetime for a reason------don't let her drag YOU down! Listen to her problems---------and if she'll listen to yours, you truly are good friends. <br />
<br />
You have a melanoma that needs some treatment-----doesn't mean you will be dead tomorrow! At your daughters age-----she should be able to deal with the idea of a parents death anyhow...........this is a part of the life process we all go through............this news might help lift her of her depression------she's young...her boobs are firm-----she's got gorgeous skin, gee life's tough...........plus this will help her aggressively pursue the root cause of her depression! So she can support you!!!!!<br />
<br />
She was all I had.......My mom has dementia, I can talk all day to her, but she won't answer me back in anything that makes sense. <br />
<br />
*******sounds like my husband....tee hee.<br />
<br />
I have all these pressures, decesions, fears, lonliness, emptyness, suicidal thoughts.......getting tired now.......but i still don't have anyone I can talk to........Its like being ina house full of people, but you are still alone.......and no one will ever be there.......all alone, like I'm not even here<br />
<br />
********You are not alone........we are here.....others are going through what you are going through now.....my bosses mother is in her 80's and has dementia also, really hard to take care of her.......she was a veteran of WWII however, and has an aide paid for by the VNA I think its called to come and sit with her, do some cleaning etc.<br />
<br />
Your diagnosis of melenoma is a sign if you will that you need to take care of yourself first........like being a new mother..........nursing......I had to eat right.....sleep when I could because if I could not take care of my baby, who would? My husband had to work long hours just to pay the bills. My son is 14 now.......time flies. This time in your life will fly by too.....embrace it. It is a journey. Pay attention to all the sights and sounds of what is going on .......write.....write.....write ....t ell us, join a writers forum.........let them correct the grammar mistakes and create something wonderful.<br />
<br />
Worst case scenerio.......Your mom dies from dementia----she 86 years old! Shakespeare said all the world's a stage, we have parts to play. She's made it to 86 years old. The average life expectancy is 50 something for a male in Russia!<br />
<br />
You can't fix your daughters depression---she has to fix it herself.<br />
<br />
Your melanoma starts to spread (there's always that risk)...........okay, so you die from it.........you don't have to worry about getting swine flu...........no more worries about global warming.......how to pay for health care..............working a lousy job where you are not appreciated!<br />
<br />
But--------perhaps your melanoma will be cured......You'll start working out......eating healthy.........looking sexy...........and you'll find another job where you will be appreciated. You'll find a nice nursing home your mother will be well cared for------cause you'll be visiting her often and keeping everyone on there toes! And you might inspire your daughter......making her stronger so when she has children ------your grandchildren will have two bang up role models---their grandmother and their mother!<br />
<br />
Good luck to you............and perhaps we will someday meet on the other side of life!

I think all of us will have to deal with some sort of depression during our lifetime. When my oldest child moved out, I had what they call empty nest syndrome, because that my child was my best friend and. I needed someone to filll that empty space. I had real bad anxiety attacks, I couldn' t eat, sleep, go out or even have a bath. I hid in my room for appro. 6 wks at one time. My sister told me I was a mess, I didn't care. Hiding was a the safest I could do for myself. I worked, but had to take almost six months off. I was scared,but I was even afraid to cry. <br />
I was getting real bad thoughts,dying having a rel bad sickness. I couldn't even watch t.v.read either, everything I did got my heart racing...I know I had to get back to work, so I went to the dr, he prescribed, anti-depression meds. they did not work for me, I kept calling my doctor to ask him for something stronger, but, he said I didn't need them..I swore at him. I tried to make appoinments with other doctors, they all preribed the same thing..anti-depressants..<br />
I blacked out at a shopping mall before christmas, and I was afraid to go back to that store. I had my sister shop for me. <br />
I called the crises line, it was then and there I broke down to total stangers. The girl on the other line told me to relax my whole body starting from my toes and she told me how to breath. That was okay for awhile, but it took a long time for me to feel better. I called the crisis line again, this time it was a guy,m I didn't want to talk to a guy, so I hung up the phone. I remembered when I was in school my instructor, talked about crafts and such. I had no time for stuff like that while I was healthy. One morning I got up, instead of coffee, I drank chamomile tea. had a lite breakfast of yogurt. Then I took a bath with lavendar scented beads (someone gave them to me ). I went through my junk to see if there anything there to do without me having to leave my house. found a knitting needle and some yarn, my thoughts were "what if I blackout and fall on the needle". so, that was out of the question. I was afraid to cook/bake I was not ready to burn my house down. I like reading and writing. One of the things the counsellor on the phone said was letting your feelings go on paper then burn it, but like I mentioned I was afraid of fires. So, I had about 15 albums, I went through all the pictures I had. Most pictures were good memories so that was a plus for me. I wrote little stories on each of them. this is how I helped myself, I didn't have to go meds. I go to counselling. I have little do little crafts that don't cost much. I help others.

It may sound really cliché, but God will never give u more than u can bear. All ur anxieties & misfortunes may seem like the worst thing 2 ever happen 2 u but i urge u to persevere. Stay strong for urself, ur daughter & ur mom. They need u now more than ever! I'm confident that u'll pull thru this...have faith

It may sound really cliché, but God will never give u more than u can bear. All ur anxieties & misfortunes may seem like the worst thing 2 ever happen 2 u but i urge u to persevere. Stay strong for urself, ur daughter & ur mom. They need u now more than ever! I'm confident that u'll pull thru this...have faith

I'm sorry to hear that you've had to encounter such difficult times. EP is a supportive and positive community and as you begin to read comments and read stories similar to yours you'll soon see that you're not alone. <br />
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I wish the best for both you and your family.

I'm sorry to hear that you've had to encounter such difficult times. EP is a supportive and positive community and as you begin to read comments and read stories similar to yours you'll soon see that you're not alone. <br />
<br />
I wish the best for both you and your family.

thanks so much

I try to come on and write funny stories to give people a smile. Read my answer on squirrels or the one I wrote on shoes. I'll have you laughing in no time. Don't read the dirty ones I wrote. They're for the old guys like me.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family! As for your daughter, I may be able to offer a little advice as I had gone throught depression in my teens. It was a point in my life that I sincerely believed I would never live through but eventually I realized that I could do what ever I wanted to. I was NOT the smartest person and my high school GPA of 2.3 can show that. But still, I got into a college and never looked back. I left behind the scared, depressed little girl I was and renewed my life the second I left home. That doesn't mean that I left my family behind by any means, but by taking time away from my family I was able to become an independent, proud person. Just keep reassuring her you're there for her...it's one thing I wish I would've had.

my daughter was homeschooled due to anxiety and depression. so college was out even though I worked at a state university and she could go for free. She feels like a loser, but she is so good with computers, and I do tell her everyday. She is wasting her life on unemployment, she has too much talent. Someone will hire her, but I think she is afraid someone will. I think she doesn't want to work, just like her dad. oh well

I know how this feels. I'm in a similar situation.<br />
I'm glad I found this place yesterday when I was in a very low place. Just reading what others are saying and knowing others understand and can also feel you pain helps.<br />
It helps to write about it too because it is a safe way of unloading.<br />
I was the same talking to my 23 yr old son about everything and now I hold back because he got so stressed out by my unhappiness that I had to stop. I felt I was putting the burden on him and it was too much for him to bear. He keeps telling me we are family and that is why we are.<br />
But finding a place like this takes the burden of anxiety elsewhere in a safe way.<br />
Keep coming back and talk it out. That is what I plan to keep doing. Today seems a bit brighter than yesterday.

I'm crying thinking of what you are going through. I too,have had times of extrem stress and feel that there is no one in my life that I can this with. Oh, there are people, but for ever reason, the things that scare or hurt me the most can not be shared with them. So I am alone in my lonelyness. Thank God I found this site. EP has given me a community of people to share my deepest feelings with. In one month, my depression has lessened and I can were the mask that is required,but I no longer carry the pain alone. At first my strories went unread, that bothered me, but it has changed and now a few friends have joined me. Just let it go baby, this is the place. Across the country or the ocean, there is someone who will know what your heart is saying, but fingers can't type. Unload. This is for your health, and will give you the chance to be with your daughter so you can provide each other with love and understanding you both need right now. Hugs, love.

I pray God that everything to be good with you and your family. Do not get into much depression , there are always dark and fine days in our life. Be patient, pray; this is the test of life, which comes in different shapes to everyone. <br />
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Cheer up yourself, and your daughter. <br />
Take care. We are all here ,just share what you feel.

I'm very sorry you are feeling this way. You could always try and join support groups. Also, if you are religous try going to a function.<br />
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As you can see you are not alone in your plight. There are many who do not have anyone to talk to. Trying to reach out to people through the internet is not "odd" as it used to be. It is a genuine form of communication.<br />
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So do not be afraid to post on some depression forums or others of the like. There are many support/help forums with people who have elderly individuals to take care of.<br />
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Also, if you have any close friends, simply invite them over or go out with them. If they are any good company at all you won't need to talk about anything to get away from the pressures of life.<br />
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I wish you all the best.

I do talk to websites now, its better than talking to my daughter, I don't want to worry her so much. I am a Catholic, but my belief in God has come and gone and come and gone. Too many bad things happen to good people, especially children. What kind of God would allow it. I pray to God every night, but I do say, if you're even up there..........I believe in the afterlife, only from watching my dad die.......I know he is ok and he is safe. Reincarnation better not be a truth, for i NEVER want to do this again. As for friends, I can't really have any over, my mom is hard to handle. So I have email friends. Sad.....no hugs there.