Do You Ever Get That Feeling?

Like something is squeezing on your heart? It's a very unpleasant feeling, and I'm pretty sure, for me at least, that it's because I don't really have anyone that I can talk to. I don't really have any friends I can just call and chat with, and I certainly can't talk to my family about what's going on with me, because it would either cause a civil war, or be written off as trying to get attention/shirk responsibility. I was seeing a counselor, but our religious ideologies didn't exactly mesh, so I dropped the idea. The problem is, I'm completely dependant on my family for financial support, which grants them a sense of entitlement. They control, in part, everything I do, and in return, I get a roof, meals and a car. I'd simply tell them everything and (probably) feel much better, but, being the religious sort, I doubt they'd take well to finding out their only grandchild was gay, agnostic bordering-on atheist, and not really interested in the whole college scene at this point in my life. In fact, I'm fairly sure my grandmother would die of shock if she knew. My grandfather wouldn't exactly take it well, either. My mother though... That's really anybody's guess. She seems to be accepting of gay people in general, but that doesn't necessarily mean she'd be enthused to know her only son was gay. I feel like having someone to say all of this to, it would really help with the general sense of suffering that gnaws at me constantly. I just can't seem to escape the all-seeing eyes of my family long enough to find a place where I'm comfortable being myself, except for this site.

b1alasdair b1alasdair
18-21, M
Feb 9, 2010