I Hate My Life Right Now

I'm not sure where to start. I've known my wife since we were in our early teens. We dated on and off. We eventually got engaged when we were out of highschool. We had our daughter and married 4 years later. A year after my daughter was born we found out my wife has MS. I went to all her doctor appts and took care of her when she wasn't doing well. At the same time I was starting a career in television. As a teen it was hard for me. I had a difficult family life and made a lot of bad decisions. I turned it around by getting my ged and going to college. I was always goal oriented. My wife had a father who bought her anything she wanted. But her mother had MS and eventually died from cancer a year before we were engaged. Her father had been cheating on her mother for years too. We were very close for a long time because we both had problems and we were eachothers escape wether we were dating or just friends. Until recently we had been renting a apt in her dads house,except for a time when I had moved out. Anyway, 5 years ago she started sleeping with someone she knew from school. I found out because I woke up one day and say her talking to him on the computer and then did some investigating. She denied it over and over even with rock solid proof. I also found out she was doing cocaine. I moved out for a year and a half and we eventually got back together. I never got over it fully and never really forgave her. I did start trustung her again, bad move. A little over a year ago she had an affair. I suspected something and checked her facebook and I found a msg to another friend from school saying she wishes she was still under the covers with him. I lost it. I I left for a week till I ran out of places to go. She denied it over and over and was still seeing him after I found out. To be cont...
Rudder1 Rudder1
31-35, M
5 Responses Feb 14, 2010

Must be a very difficult phase of your life.....you are trying your best.

Sounds like a lot of rough time for you. Are you continuing therapy? Just to keep talking to someone?

Oh and I should mention she's in pretty good condition considering she has MS.

Twice this week she slept for 20 plus hours at a time. I commute to the city and back and work 45-60 hours a week. She woke up yesterday just long enough to drive me to the train station. So I guess that makes it 3 tims she's slept that long. I take her MS into consideration for some things. But a lot is just personality flaws. She even forgot to pick my daughter up from her friends house yesterday. That's pretty much the gist of it. There is plenty more but I am to frustrasted to write it all. Thanks for listening.

I also found out she was doing coke again. I told her father and he didn't believe me and turned on me. I eventually had enough proof and he was pissed and told her to leave, I didn't want her back. I hated her. Let me remind you that we have a daughter and this has had a huge negative effect on her. Her father told me that it was my decision if I wanted her to move back in. Eventually she went crying to him and he let her back in. Even though we had a seperate appt anyway. She started therepy and so did I for all the hurt and anger I was feeling. I stopped loving her the way I used to and I didn't like her anymore. I wanted her to become crippled from her MS. I Know, harsh. But the pain she caused me was unreal. When I had found out she was cheating she turned on me and started ripping me aprt and listing all the things wrong with me. At the same time I had been looking for a house and wasn't going to let her derail me. Like I said before I'm goal oriented. We basically coexiisted for a while and I found a house, her father started acting really weird and started hitting on her. So when I got the house I had to take her with me. I couldn't leave her with that freak. He was always so normal, I think he just snapped, so here we are living together since November in this house. She works 12 hours a week and rarely does anything else. She is a lazy *****. She keeps spending money that we don't have and making excuses for everything. I've told her over and over that I hate her and want her to leave. She says she loves me and wants us to fix everything. I've thought about it but can't. She's ****** up to much and my brain won't let me work it out. We do get along sometimes but it doesn't last long because she always finds a way to **** me off. I want to fix it for my daughters sake but it just ain't happening.