Sad And Confused


I am lost  in this world. The pain and hurt is too much. I am at a point where I am not willing to take it anymore. Every day I truly wish it to be the last in my life. But so far ihave not gotten that lucky. I have not gathered the courage up yet to bring death on my own terms. Feels guilty to abandon the ones that depends on me. But I am just not able to watch my lil girl like this anymore. it is eating from inside minute by minute. She has autism and is in her own world. I feel terrible watching her. She does not deserve this. My family does not deserve this. It has been 2 years since we spent time together like a vacation or outing together. Every outing we do with her becomes an humbling experience. She is growing big and now I cannot handle her. I have lost my hope and along with it any faithI had in God. I am not sure what lies ahead for her...

desparatehousewife2 desparatehousewife2
31-35, F
5 Responses Feb 18, 2010

You know, i think there is beauty in everything. <br />
Just close your eyes, relax and ask to see the beauty in this. The beauty in your daughter and the beauty in you having her; the beauty that is living this particular life. There must be a beauty to it, i know it. Just open yourself up to it; choose to recognize it. <br />
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When you see how beautiful it is to actually have her and all that this brings, you will be overjoyed. <br />
It is beautiful, in ways you have not seen yet. But trust me, it is beautiful. You are, she is and your life and moments together all are beautiful. The growth that spurs out of this is beautiful. The strength you gain.The smiles you receive and all the reasons for celebration you may feel and encounter in this are all beautiful. <br />
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Just open up to see this beautiful mystery; open up to the joy. <br />
That's all there is to it! <br />
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Cheers and much love to you and your beautiful daughter! Much love to your souls! Those are which are accounted for! <br />
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I love you!

You have a precious child, and she has autism.<br />
You are a precious person and you have depression.<br />
Please get some help. I have worked with many people who have autism, all levels of autism. I can imagine what it is like to be in your place, but I cannot describe it.<br />
A young man I mentored had a mom who was recovering from meth adiction, and whose father was in jail for selling meth. Luthern Social Services helped me connect with this family to be of service. His mother was able to go back to school and get a job while I and another mentor took her son to libraries, parks, museums, restaurants -- it freed up her time to the tune of 8 to 16 hours a week while her son was able to walk and move through a society that keeps him invisible. He was able to escape from the four walls that he is accostomed to and to weave in new experiences so that his routine expanded rather than narrowed. The services we rendered were paid by the county. Help is available for your daughter.<br />
I offer you the energy I have to motivate you to seek what is best for your spirit. There is beauty and love living within you, each tear you hold back or let go is the liquid energy that waits to sprout good news for you today. Do not try to make yourself happy or sad. Experience your emotions as they make a dull thud on the floor of your experience. It is not good or bad to be depressed, it is how you are. You can and need to speak your depression. Stuffed animals are good, threapists are better. A good stuffed animal or therapist is hard to find, but the search for both is something both you and your daughter can do together, outside of the confines of your walls.<br />
I send my love on a stream of prayers.

I can imagine how hard life can be for you. I used to babysit a little boy with autism. It's hard to take care of a kid in this situation. But people with autism are still humans. Gods creation. You know sometimes God makes us go trough difficult times so that we can learn to trust in him. He (God) Loves you very much whether you feel it or not. In this type of situations or any other we need to ask God for strength. He will give it to you and anybody else that needs it. All i can tell you is DON'T GIVE UP. God is waiting for you to ask him, that's all you have to do, ask him. Miracles still happen but you have to believe and ask for them don't wait for them to just happen. Do your part. He has the power to destroy the world and make it new again. Trust in Him. The best strength can only come from the ONE who made the world and created us. So don't give up. You are alive your daughter is alive she needs you, your family needs you. But don't feel pressured about it. See it as a privilege that others look up to you. Try to look for a Christian church, this is not about religion is about God. You can find people that maybe are going trough the same as you. That way you won't feel alone. Again don't give up. Have a great day it depends on you to decide the kind of day you are going to have today. God Bless You

I had a little brother who had autism, as a young boy I watched my mother and father struggle with raising him. My father got worn out and started drinking, making everything worse. My mother just kept looking for resources to help her out and guide her through the tough times. I can tell you that there is a lot more help out there these days as you are probably well aware of, but I am sure that does not help right now with the way you are feeling. I watched my mother and father tear each other apart because of this, so if I can suggest something like this, you are young and still have a full life ahead of you, try and use your energy to get help, because if you don’t you will just get more depressed like you sound now. I know its hard, I helped raised my little brother, if you want someone to talk to I will talk to you, but see if you can pull the energy within you and get some help, you just never know.

New to the site. But I have a son with autism. We found out a year ago. I'm trying to come to grips with it. But I'm still mourning the death of the "normal" son I gave birth to. His father feels guilty for "doing this to me". I hope that eventually I can quit mourning and accept that we're one of those families everyone feels sorry for and are so glad they're not. Can't conceive of a reason for this. I did everything I was supposed to. But, he'll pay the price for the sin that I can't even remember.