Adjustment Disorder - Life, Marriage & Career Falling Apart

I've always been blessed with a great career, a wonderful caring family, true loyal friends and recently got married to a very loving and beautiful man. Despite all, my life is falling apart and I dont know why or what to do...

I am a recovering addict and have been one since I was 16. It has never really affected my life seriously until last year, when I hit rock bottom which could have caused me to lose my job and life. It was also a blessing in disguise when I finally come clean and shared my problem with family and friends . I was living a lie all those years and reality hit me. The support I had helped me stay clean.

Unfortunately today, I'm at the verge of losing everything again. For the first time in 11 years, I'm saying that I wanna quit my job! It took me 6 months to decide whether I should stay or leave. Looking at the current economic situation plus all the benefits I get from the company, I tendered in an "Unpaid Leave Request" instead. I've not gone to work in the past 2 months because I just cant bring myself to go. I rely on my psychiatrist to get me medical leave and etc. I'm lucky that I havent got fired yet but I guess my previous record of achievements have probably bought me some time.

To top up all this, I suck big time at being a good, responsible wife. I sleep late and somedays I dont even wanna get out of bed. Yea, I do the occasional dish washing, cooking, laundry but never consistent. 2 days I am OK, then the next 2-4 days I'm back to being the depressed, unhappy, confused, anti-social person. To make things worst, I chose to turn to my old "affair" (drugs) than my own husband, parents or brother who are worried sick and just dont know what to do anymore to help me. It breaks my heart to see them worried like that and how I wish I could hide this 'thing' that I'm going through from them.

Somedays I just dont want to talk, solve or be pro-active in solving my problems as sometimes I dont even know what Is the real main thing that is driving me to be or act the way I am. I have always been responsible and dedicated my 100% to my career but now, I'm the total opposite. Being a newly wed at this stage, makes it worst! All the expectations and responsibility that comes with it, is OMG... very overwhelming!

Any inputs, advise or critism from any of you would be much appreciated. What IS the real issue here? Anyway, thank you for 'listening'

LadyComplex LadyComplex
31-35, F
1 Response Feb 20, 2010

Hi! i have read & listen to your stroy, and the one thing that touched me & made me relase that you are aware of waht you doing & ln away you like it . Is the fact that YOU SAY "I chose " i'm sure you know this by now that everthing you do in life is by choice, however just to remind you everything in life good bad that you are inontrol of is or will be detemined by the choises that you and you alone make. So my advice in your situation would be please chose the right things to do & do them if you can't atleast do them for your brother, your husband & friends that are their for you & loving you whenever you need them the most for the sake of love and posetiveness.