Wish I Could Write A Letter To Me.

I have messed up horribly in the last three years. I dated a girl for over two of those years who was addicted to cybersex and would meet up with the men she met., and I fell in love with her. I wasn't aware of what was going on for probably nine months. and even then I ignored all the warning signs i even laid down on the floor with my head on a pillow and rubbed her feet while she was chatting.. I trusted her completely.. even writing this im getting angry. every fight we had during the entire relationship i had to beg for forgiveness she enjoyed every minute of the attention. it drove me close to suicide a few times, blaming myself for everything during the relationship. when i found out what she was doing i called her out on it one night. and left her. when i left her i found someone else pretty rapidly, i was looking for a rebound and found a girl that was moving. when she left i broke it off with her the long distance way. then met another girl for a few week fling. i eventually went back to the orignal girl. forgiving her and believing her lies.. I wasnt always faithful to her after this point. until i went to college. then i didn't go anywhere or make any friends for over eight months. still begging for forgiveness for everything. she continued to talk to guys and at one point had two other fiance's other than me when i would come home and try to look at her computer or phone she would become violent.  everything theat happened in that relationship hurts to this day. i miss her. and mostly i miss the companionship. all my old friends do drugs now or have moved on and have kids and stuff all of them are pretty much worthless people.. Im twenty now. I met this girl at seventeen. i blame meeting her, as the reason i lost my friends. i dont think they would of become what they are today if i had been there. I graduate from tech school march 16. and i feel so alone.

fordguy90 fordguy90
18-21, M
1 Response Feb 20, 2010

it sadens my heart to here this sad story you have gone through. but i engourage you to get up and hold your head high. you dont need that girl or those so called friends if there like that. you need to just go out with confidence and trust me if you really try you will get the girl you want and the friends you want. JUST DONT GIVE UP! and if you need someone to talk to just add me and i will happily talk to you about anything =). and that goes for everyone who reads this aswell.