Tired Of Living My Life And Feeling What How I Feel.

My life have been bad since I since turn 8. My daddy died and my mom became so strict (Which is what parents do) but my mom took it to the extreme she use to beat me just for breaking her knick nacks i used to always get whipping, then my older sister started to go to prison which left me and my mother raising her baby i was 10 at the time i used to have to baby sit and feed the baby then she had 2 more and the same thing all over again.  I didn't have a childhood so I started to get into trouble and runnung away from home alot. My life didn't get any better at the age of 12 my cousin rape me and nothing was ever done about it. I keep all my feeling inside for a long time.  I hated my mom and my cousin and even myself for what had happen to me. At the age of 16 I found out my other sister died when I was 14 in 1994 that added more hurt to me. I felt like no one even cared about ho i felt. So in 1996 i got into trouble and went away for 2 years those was the best years ever because i was away from everything and everyone. But my problems was still there when i got home i still couldn't get my mom to understand how i felt. Ever since i have grown up i have made the wrong choices looking for love i have been in abusive relationships one from another. At the age of 19 I tried to kill myself but no one even knows that because i don't talk about it. I am really tried of my family always putting me down they don't even encourge me and i really feel like offing myself maybe everyone would be better off ithout having to deal ith me and my problems.

confused2010 confused2010
26-30, F
2 Responses Feb 21, 2010

I am sorry you have been so injured. I would like to hug you as well. I am going to give you food for thought. If you were happier away from there, why don't you consider starting a new life somewhere else. You are old enough. You already know you can't seek happiness from your family. You were abused and it is common to seek out what you know in life. Try not feel like you have to have someone else in your life to make you whole. Turn the focus of your life to healing yourself. And in the process, make it a habit do something for someone else. It makes you feel really good, and helps you forget about your problems for awhile. If you need someone to talk to, just let me know.

I am so sorry to read this. Very sorry you had this life. I've been through a lot of very similar things. The strange thing that right now I am a bit better, and probably people around me will never know I have all this in my past. I wish you were not alone!!! It is so hard to have no one to talk to, to be there for you, sometimes you need a simple hug. And probably you feel like there is no reason to keep on living. And you can't understand why you? Why it happened to you... I don't have the answers. I can only say that I can feel your pain. If you can see a therapists it is a great idea you do. And you know it is a great deal if you ask someone to help you! Do it. Who knows, may be you will find a good person who will give you the reason to live.