I Was Married For 17 Yrs Now Divorced For 17 Yrs.

I was married very young just finished High School. in 1975, Married a fine young woman, I had a child a child 4 months after graduation. We were married for 17 yrs. Also had 2 more children, About 10 yrs into the marriage things got rough. My wife got so wicked, it was unbearable, stayed in this  marriage for the sake of the children. & yrs down the road we figured it was not right for the children to go threw this. We divorced. went are seperate ways. I have been paying for this for the past 17 yrs. My children don't talk to me, don't invite me to there weddings there childrens events, etc; It goes on and on. My name has been dragged threw the mud constantly by my ex. I really don't know to do. My youngest child a daughter was recently married I had been told by a friend, I didn't believe this person, so I called my daughter. She had told me she was not. I recently went to a facebook of hers and saw wedding pictures. I got so sick I didn't know what to do. See my friend was right. People look at me like I'm the stupidest person on the face of the earth. I have 5 grandchildren only ever saw one. my ex has brainwashed my children from me. Me and my children were very close in the past everywhere I went they were right beside me. There are days I get so depressed I can't move. I have made some bad choices recently, but am on the road to the future. Every person I have met or saw for were not good enough for my children either called them trailer tramps or something else.  I cannot continue to tell the rotten feeling inside of myself. I often want to just take my life for there is nothing for me to live for. I know for if I do this they would not come. My children are all over the united states. I actually live back at my mother and father's homestead. I honestly cry myself to sleep at night's sometimes. My stomach fells so sore I vomit at the thought of my children and their doings to myself. I have done all I can as being a volenteer for my city, also a councilperson,little league coach,etc; I never want any person to go threw this complete pain. Were do I turn, what do I do for I can't continue with this felling I have. I feel alittle bit better for this is the first I got this off my chest.

boekamp boekamp
51-55, M
Feb 28, 2010