I Am Being Abused And Cannot Find A Way Out

I am living with abuse by a person who I live with.  He owns the house.  First he was kind, considerate he asked me to watch his place and told me to move all of my belonings in to his place and get rid of my storage and he kept saying 'its a big place, please use it'

he lived away working on construction and would send me checks to watch to place and 'be there' be around when he got home

we began seeing each other, if that is what you call it, but nothing like anything I have ever been through before.  Insisting on me spending holidays with his family then disappearing and not calling for months.


Then, he came back because he lost his job and the abuse and bizarre behavior began, although there were signs of it when I visited him in Cape Cod last year.  He aske dme to come up and wanted to show me off to his friends.  It was horrible.  He slept and smoked all day then wanted to go out at night.  He would say there was no money to go out so I thought we were going to go grocery shopping and he got angry at me saying 'where do you think you are, this is not home you know' I did not understand and was quiet.  We went to a restaurant and he said he had no money so I ordered water and he got angry and yelled about that.  I asked what he was ordering and he got angry and said 'dont order what I order'

The waiter put a glass of water on the table in front of me and he got angry AFTER the waiter left saying 'can i move this glass' and before I could answer he began to have conversations with himself which went like this 'oh, ok, i see you dont want me to move it, fine, this was a mistake'

we have had many 'this was a mistake' episodes upon going out and it is strange and bizarre as though he is speaking to a child or scolding someone and it does not affect me that way because I cannot relate to anything he is saying.


he demands me to sleep with him sometimes other times he LOCKS ME OUT OF THE BEDROOM?

no reason are given just the same rendition of 'i cant know anything you live a secret life' which is bizarre he knows everywher ei work and go and stalks me at my jobs goes through my belongings commenting on what I take out of the house (my clothing shoes) and screaming at me for being ten mins late to work (how does he know?  i dont know)


yet he goes out drinking and to parties and if I ask where or if he will be late he begins the rendition of 'i cant know anything you live a secret life'

i went to a therapist who I no longer can go to since insurance changed with the company i work at part time, and she said sounds like he is doing all that he is actually blaming you that you are doing so strange


like i see myself and how honest and what I do I hear when I tell him my schedule I know he follows me and knows all i do

yet i HEAR HIM SAY HE KNOWS NOTHING AS  he goes out about his business telling me nothing i am not allowed to see the camera he went out and paid lots of money for yet he talks about it and shows to all friends and family in front of me and keeps it in his car


he has porography and naked women on his computer from classmates.com yet will not acknolwedge me on his facebook?  yet i am to spend holidays cooking and cleaning and paying for his dinners and family?


this is all bizarre and i am begging God for mercy on me I have no money to move out and have been searching for a safe room to rent on a week to week basis

he will be back from cape cod soon i am experiencing nightmares about the things he has physically and emotionally put me through they have been horrible he molests me daily

it is horrible


he tells me to GET OUT NOW if i dont cooperate and begins to scream about things that do not exist (my secret life my not telling him things)

HeidiW10 HeidiW10
51-55, F
5 Responses Mar 14, 2010

thank you again so much....you have been through this, I can tell by what you say and it is so true! (I am not sure what PM, you means I wish I knew, my computer terminology is not what it should be but would like to email or something sometime it really is helpful sometimes to have support and someone with insight to what this is that I am going through<br />
I think I am 'there' mentally just don't want to trade one headache for another and going to certain types of places will force me to fall behind with work I think I have looked at rooms and apartments and I dont make enough to afford anthing safe right now but trying like heck I may have found something last night but not where i want to go only i can afford maybe just have to share lot of things i dread him coming back and appreciate your comments <br />
Funny thing when you are inside of the situation you sometimes fail to see the danger and only feel fear so having you tell me it is dangerous is very good to hear thank you!

You have to be <br />
scared <br />
ENOUGH <br />
and <br />
fed up <br />
ENOUGH <br />
to make getting help a priority.<br />
<br />
I do not think you're quite there yet.<br />
<br />
You are in a dangerous situation... <br />
This type of guy can snap soooooo easily.<br />
<br />
I just hope yo do not end up in the morgue.<br />
<br />
An emergency room Dr. once said these same words to ME.

Thank you for your comments, I appreciate them so much. He is coming back soon and I just found this site. He will turn off internet when he gets back like he always does so that I cannot use it, I pray to God he stays where he is another week, I am so afraid of him.<br />
<br />
I do not own a townhouse. I am cleaning out the townhouse I live in which he owns and is coming back to. Thank you for your thoughts thank you so much. I feel so alone in this but knowing there are other people somewhere out there (I do not have the time in my schedule at the moment to go anywhere to find help, but the computer while he is away I can use)

He is sick....<br />
really.<br />
<br />
I know because I have been through a very similar thing and I refuse to EVER allow ANYONE to treat me like a sub-standard human being EVER again.<br />
<br />
You have a townhouse you are cleaning out? <br />
Call family! <br />
<br />
Definitely LEAVE ASAP and DO NOT let him sweet talk you into returning. He will try. Just DISAPPEAR leaving no trace when you are able to go and DO NOT CONTACT HIM either! (it would break the order of protection for one thing) Talk to the local department of economic security or even the cops can refer you to places that may be able to help you.

thank you for responding I am not sure what a womens refuge is i have been in touch with domestic violence and they try to help but do not always have availability in womens shelters and they are communal living (whatever that is) I may have to put all my belonging in storage and continue my part time jobs somehow and go to whatever shelter they have this has all been so difficulti am a very private quiet to myself person and lots of people around are going to be tough for me but easier than him i thinkif you have any advice please feel free I have been doing all i can to maintain a smile at work every day but I am at a point now where i know he will be back soon maybe even this week and i have not found a place still trying to clean out townhouse and my own storage and work three part time jobs I feel so very very alone and scared and ashamed no one knows this is going on