I Shouldn't Feel This Way

I am a lucky girl. I really am.

Although I have seen many terrible things in my life, I am incredibly lucky to be where I am in life.

I am almost done with my first year of college, where I am on the Deans List.

I am head-over-heels in love with my high school sweetheart, who treats me so well and is all I could ever ask for.

I have 2 amazing best friends.

I am playing college soccer.

I have a job working at a fitness center.

All of these things are things that I have EARNED, and I can't complain because I am at a great place in my life. For me to complain would be selfish and pathetic. So I don't. I keep everything locked inside. And because of the things that I have seen in my life, I will never be truly happy.

 

Thanks Mom.

Your mistakes have ruined my happiness.

soccerbee9675 soccerbee9675
18-21, F
4 Responses Mar 14, 2010

I don't know what mistakes your mom may have made but I'm sorry for what you're feeling. You're not alone in your pain.

Hmmmm I kimda write like I think. Not trying to offend and apologies that it did offend you. <br />
18-21 IS young. <br />
Your accomplishments are to be commended. <br />
<br />
A lot of things have happend to me that I will not go into, but HORRIBLE things... I had to get up, <br />
dust off and go forth. I never had a lucky life, in fact it was rough as hell, I felt it was pretty cursed... <br />
but I had to learn to deal and rise above it anyway.<br />
Not easy to do...<br />
I hope things get better for you.

Cheyenna, I realize that mom's make mistakes--everyone does, I have made plenty of them. To be honest, though, I don't really think you can tell me to "put on my big girl panties" when you don't know what mistakes my mother has made. I realize that nobody can make me happy but myself, and I really appreciate irhotman's comment because that is what I am working towards doing. But Cheyenna, you addressing me as if I am young and naive is really inappropriate. I know that my future is up to me, and that is why I am the first generation in my family to go to college. That is why I am on the Deans List, and why I am playing college soccer. I am doing good things for myself, but deep down, it is hard to move on. I put on a happy face every day, but it is hard to live my life knowing deep down that I really am not okay. I am wise beyond my years, so at least respect that. I appreciate your advice, and I agree that it is time to break free and live it. Thank you.

Right on irhotman. Stop blaming your mom and find a way to be happy because no one can make you happy BUT YOU, and we can always be a victim and we can always balme someone else, or we can out on our big girl panties and deal with it. <br />
Mom's make mistakes. Just wait till you are one and you'll see what I mean.<br />
<br />
I do not mean to be harsh, but honestly, the truth is your future is up to you. BREAK FREE and LIVE IT!