How To Learn Not To Care?

I am in a relationship. I am very hardworking, I do care for a lot of things around me.
My boyfriend is very generous to me,his my financer most of my bills like car, insurance, food and I do work for him not because to pay off what he is giving me but help him out with his business that i know it will benefit for both of us. and soon he will start paying me for the job that i will do for him, which is good so i can start to share some money for some expenses here at home but the thing is i felt like i am not appreciated of what i do.... i do have other part time job and do not have any time to have some rest, cuz there is soooo many things to do. helping him in his business, working at my other job, cleaning the house and after an hour..... crazy mess again, doing laundry.... but for me i do know he does lots of things too. we agreed before we live together that i am in charge inside the house and he is incharge outside..... but my point is i dont make a mess outside the house. and it doesn't mean that if i am in charge inside the house, he can make a mess anytime he wants. I am very responsible of what i do but i get tired too.
And if i clean the house, i just want some appreciation, meaning keep it clean so less job for me to do, so i can do something else. or i can have some time to rest.
the only thing i hate from myself is for being so concern for all the things around me, especially the house were living in. I know i cannot change him, i only need some appreciation. i do appreciate what he do for me but i think i'd rather have other job to pay my car bills, and give him some money for food and insurance and the others so that i can have time to rest rather than doing all of this things to pay him off. I do not know if i am right or wrong of what i am doing, i do not know if someone will agree or understand what i feel but its just stresses me out. eventhough his not pushing me to clean the house, he doesnt care if its messy but for me i do really care, and that is my problem too, i cannot stand the place i am living if its a mess and you can't even walk cuz of too much clutter everywhere.
i know its not the end of the world, but i know this is me and i hope i can change myself not to care anymore.... sometimes i can let it go but sometimes i have this moment that i couldn't take it. i tried to talk to him about this but seems like he understand what i am trying to say that will end to a nice and peaceful solution. i am just tired.
hakunahmatata hakunahmatata
36-40, F
Jan 21, 2013