Idle Thoughts About Feeling FreeI want to know what it would be like to not have to share a bed with anyone for several weeks. I want to sprawl out and sleep in the middle of a big bed, and sleep under a heavy quilt to keep me warm. I want to be lulled to sleep with music playing. I want to leave the curtains open to let the moonlight in. I want to wake alone and lounge in bed reading for as long as I please.
I want to go to movies and restaurants alone. I want to pick anywhere my mood strikes and just go. I want to be alone with my thoughts, a journal, a good book, and a glass of wine. I want to see any bizarre, obscure art house movie I’m interested in and have all the popcorn to myself, and not worry about anyone being bored.
I want to buy a plane ticket to Istanbul, or Mumbai, or Tokyo, or Rio de Janeiro, and go all by myself. I want to figure out where I want to go, what to eat, when to stop, and when to sleep. I want to strike up conversations with strangers, and connect with others that travel alone. I just want to be present in myself, and only concern myself with how I feel from moment to moment, and take no one else into consideration.
I want to feel the expanse of personal space around me, physically and emotionally. I want to feel safe and secure and to know – really know – that I feel that safety because I am enough. It would be so empowering, and joyful, and liberating.