I Need Space
I hate it. Times like this i hate myself. Hes an amazing guy, so why did i feel this way tonite? I didnt want them there, yet it was like i did. Maybe thats why...i wanted him to hold me or something but he wasnt. He wasnt acting very lovey or anything. So like an insecure child i felt like i wanted him to go away. Dont kiss me, dont touch me, please leave....
I kept my face in my phone texting to fill the emptiness between us. He kept telling me to text when he leaves. I said i would, but just standing there felt wierd. I wanted him to leave. I felt distant from him.
Maybe i just cant handle relationships. I love the holding hands, hugging, all of that. So when he was being distance i felt like i wanted distance. Maybe relationships are supposed to be like that...i wouldnt know, i havent been in any sirius ones.
Were in our 3rd week, id still expect him to be all lovey and cute. Like how morgan and brittney are...but there lesbains :/ maybe thats why...
Worst part is i might be pregnant, or get pregnant...Im going to take plan B tomorrow i just pray to the lord it works. If i do end of having his baby that would be horrible. It just felt like i didnt want to be with him tonite.
Im probibly confusing the fck outta him. He probibly wonders why i was acting like i was. Not like i could open up, im horrible with that...I dont want to loose him so im trying to not push him away but its almost like i cant help it. Almost in a way i feel i want space because i feel i love him more than he loves me so space helps tone down attachment and feelings...
Why does love get me feeling like this??
I feel stressed, i kind of just want to curl up in a blanket and go to sleep.
