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hi, my name is danielle. i'm 19 years old, 5'4" and 190 lbs. i've been gaining weight steadily for the past four years and nothing i've done has made a difference, or a lasting difference i should say. toward the end of my junior year of high school i developed an eating disorder. i didn't think it was a problem at the time. i felt like i was in control. i allowed myself to eat one meal a day, spending the majority of my time in an all out war with myself inside my head. my days would consist of me first, struggling to talk myself out of eating anything. then, in the period right before i ate, i would try to talk myself out of eating it all, or eating too much. but as soon as i started to eat, every thought would go out of my head and i would feel really relaxed while i ate whatever was served for dinner. however, as soon as i was done, i would be so angry at myself for binge eating. it was just an awful cycle. that's when i started to reach out for help. i saw a nutritional therapist who told me i was anorexic. the realization that i was in fact not in control of my eating disorder caused me to spiral into depression. because of all of this, i was home-schooled for the remainder of my senior year and didn't last more than a month and a half away at college. i feel like my life is falling apart one failure at a time. i no longer practice anorexia, but i wish i still did. no matter how many people try to remind me of how bad things were in the midst of my eating disorder, all i see when i look back is that i was feeling better about myself. i never managed to get lower than 140 lbs, but i felt like i was on the right track. i have put on 50 lbs in less than a year and it's only making my depression worse. i've now developed suicidal thoughts and am close to giving up. i don't mean to sound whiny; this is the first time i've tried anything like this..i guess i'm just looking for firsthand accounts and success stories from others. i feel like i have no more strength to give when it comes to the weight loss battle, but at the same time, i feel like if i don't see results quickly, i'm afraid of what i'll do.
danielleshmanielle danielleshmanielle 18-21, F 4 Responses May 12, 2011

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I would be happy to share what my team is doing and if you or anyone else wishes to be part of the Team we welcome you; we offer recipes, hints and support as well as do this weight loss goal together so far i have lost 80lbs but i am not done yet. moneymom72@gmail.com just reach out and lets chat

I also need support, we should do this together :)

I promise you that you can lose weight! My story is similar to yours. i struggled for a long time and failed at all sorts of diets. I too lost hope. I'm using a book called 'How to lose weight without missing out'. Its only a couple of quid on amazon and its an E-book. Great little motivator and some fantastic tips that have already started helping me. P.S i am not affiliated with the book in any way, i just think its very helpful. Like i said its only a couple of quid so definitely worth it.

you shouldn't give up i went through something similar to what you went through i would stop eatting and when i did eat i would feel angry with myself for doing it. though ive learned that, that only makes you eat more . i recommend having a friend you trust work out with you and help you go through a diet to loss the unwanted pounds. me and my friend are trying it and its going pretty good so far although we have ups and downs along the way you've got to stop and think that nothings prefect and the down parts are a test, if you really want something youll get back up and continue like nothing happened.