Broken Up And Alone...

  I was with my boyfriend for 3 years. We broke up 7 months ago. He was a lot older than me when we got together. A lot has happened
with us, i lost a lot of friends being with him and ive changed a lot too. He was really controlling and minipulating and he caused me a lot of pain. He was mentally abusive...tore my self esteem down to nothing. Now 7 months later after our breakup i find myself alone and a bit depressed. Im only 18 but i feel 60. I feel weird when i see a lot of people my age living life and being with friends. I dont have a lot of friends anymore and the ones i have i dont think we bond that well anymore...we grew apart. I have low self esteem now. I left high school to homeschooling in the middle of 10th grade because my boyfriend told me to. I think that made me lose even more contact with people. Its just so hard feeling so alone with all these grief feelings about the past....i feel like i should have done different or i sometimes wonder where ill be if i never met him but i know looking into the past is just a waist of time. I just finished my first year of college in europe. It was at times very difficult dealing with everything over in a different country. I am now thinking of the future and what things i can do. My dad knows my pain and is trying to help. I know i have a lot of dreams and ambition but i really hope one day i can feel better and more clear about everything im dealing with. However long it takes to feels like forever. I quit drinking and i now have a exercise routine and diet plan. Im trying to take better care of myself. 
meryy meryy
18-21, F
2 Responses Aug 1, 2010

well my life aint so much different than yours...I lead a kind of lonely life with a busy career.its good that you are ambitious...go make your dreams come true and get a good career.nothing is more driving than our dreams.stop worrying about will make some in time.<br />
nothing is more satisfying than when you see your dreams coming true.

so... you are ambitious??<br />
you have everything to go forward, education, family... and desire to go.<br />
friends we build all the time, look for some extra activities to meet new people, just dont spend you free time locked in the computer, look for real friends, people outside, go for a walk, get a dog... (i already felt like that before)<br />
look for your beauty, we all are especial and unique people.