Unknown Story- Part One.

Hello im 15 years old and i have a speech and language disability which has affected my life traumatically, It will even effect how I write this as I find it very difficult to get my feelings out. This is the first time ive ever spoken about how I really feel, ive tried before but ive always backed out at the last minute as ive always thought I wasn't important enough or i was selfish and ungrateful as there are people out there who have nothing and and would die for what I have. But now ive released i cant keep living like this, i need to let everything out. I feel trapped and I need to tell someone, anybody about me as i feel no one really knows.

It all started when I joined school, because of my disability i had to have special one to one sessions in school 3 times a week and once a year had to have a day of school to go to a centre to have check ups. Because of this i got severally bullied all the way to year 4, but then got picked on by older years to year 6. This probablly started my insicureness. The one to ones didnt help me much either, the woman was really nice but i always felt they she treating me like i was stupid and i didn't have a mind of my own. The yearly check ups were the worst, they used to check my hearing, speech, height, weight, sight and memory. I never understood why they checked all these; i still dont. The woman who checked up on me was horrible, when my mother was in the room she acted nice but when my mum left for a while she was horrible. She used to laugh when i could'nt do things and always spoke down to me like i did'nt matter, she even gave snotty comments about my weight which ended up making me cry myself to sleep and affected my hatrid towards the way i looked (started in year 7). The only things that cheered me up was my dancing (started at 3) and the theatre company i was in (started in year 3). Luckily all the special help stopped in year 6, that was the happiest year for me, the bullying and the special help had stopped, i had loads of friends and I felt normal for the first time. I was really upset when I had to leave Primary school as i was finally happy and I was scared that i was going to get bullied again.

In highschool luckily i didn't get bullied but my disability was mentioned by other kids and teachers alot. I was forced to join 'learning support' even though i felt like i was fine and didn't need it i was supposed to go to meet ups once a week with a group of kids apparently like me but all of them were much worse than me and needed watch 24/7. i only went the once and I refused to talk to any of them as they were treating me like i did'nt know anything and as i could'nt do anything on my own (its hard to describe what it was like) but i felt so angry at them for putting me through that. after that ive had no one talk about my disabilty to me again.
This is all i can right about now because the next 4 years (leading to today) i feel i cant share yet as things happened which were so tramatic for me it led me to attempt something so horrible to myself i find it difficult just to think about never mind speak about. hopefully one day i can speak out loud about them to someone but for now,

THANK YOU for anyone who reads this. I finally feel like i have gained a voice and that someone can finally listen to me. I hardly spoke anything about how i am today as this is'nt really leading up to present day but for for me this is a big deal as ive never said anything like this to anybody before.
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1 Response Sep 9, 2012

I'm happy you finaly said something. its horible to bottle up your emotions, and you were treated horible. I feel for you. I really do. I don't understand people who treat other living people like there trash, why and how does anyone do that? It awful and I wish it didnt happen to you or anyone. Know that you have people that care about you, never forget about them.