Needed It For Awhile

I need therapy because my doctor and parents and school say that I do. I guess I do. It's whatever. I supposedly need it for my self harm. I guess it wouldn't hurt to get help with the eating disorder no one knows about.
I started self injuring at the end of my sixth grad year. I'm now a freshman in high school. I talked to a psychiatrist at school last year. I stopped seeing him. Everyone including me thought my pain was over.

I started again last March. No one knew until October. A couple girls who knew told on me. They used to be my friends. They told on me because I made them mad somehow. I'm really pssed at them.
The eating issues cropped up in about August. I had lost a lot of weight because of my depression. I realized how much I enjoyed the feeling of my disgusting weight being gone. Now I do everything I can to lose weight. I sometimes purge. It works as a form of self injury too.
I also have suicidal ideation. My parents were going to send me to the hospital but didn't. They are just trying to find a psychotherapist in our area that will accept my insurance. I don't want to go to therapy. It'll be awkward. I don't talk without being asked something in there. They will probably get annoyed with me. I'm not even sure if I want to put in effert to get better. It's just easier to hurt myself.
kotori4444 kotori4444
13-15, F
1 Response Dec 14, 2012

It shouldn't be easier to hurt yourself. Might not seem like it, but these people are trying to help you. I know, I know. You've probably heard it a thoussand times...but that's only because it's true.