They Want To Push Me To Breaking Point.

Just in the past few days i have started to write the things that are going on in my life where i have become a target as well as victem of hate crimes,i have never been much of a talker when it comes to things that play on my mind so i block them out,the way i manage that is by using drugs as its the only way i can cope in this world that is so full of hate and pain and people who seem to enjoy hurting people,for the sake of what ever it is that drives them,Well just lately i have been staying with people who have been helping me recover from a mental break down that was caused by agian being a victem of hate crimes,all to do with the fact i have people who seem to ear drop on things i say in my home and then use it against me and seek out the probles i have had and use it as a way of wearing me down by thtreatening me and name calling and telling me,that my life would be taken so like any one who is pushed to their limits i took the law into my own hand s and let go,which only had me right where these people who were targeting me wanted in trouble,so as well as other things in life every thing was ablur and i couldnt win no matter what i did,so the only thing i could do was have a break and stay with people who cared about me as at the time i was also having problems with my partner who in fact is a woman that  was also anther issus that people didnt like all i ever did was keep myself to my self and lock myself away from the world and blocked it out with my addiction which was the only way i wa getting by,but when it all came to a head i had to give in and get help from people who have always been there for me.Since Decemember i have had the problems i had carry on as its a small world and i dont have the best luck any way ,well a friend of a friend who is connected to the flat i have has carried on the problem i had by targeting me day and night with threats and demands and following me from room to room telling me how much i am hated and how much the people in the flat where i am staying also dislike the fact that i am a drug user the drug is Herion anfd Crack and along with other things they have been researching on me have been making me feel like a victem with the things these people have done,They call me all the names under the sun and  tell me every day i must leave the flat where i am staying  because these group[ of strangers dont like drug users anyone who is different to them in any way and have had great pleasure in making me know how much they want me to go and leave the area leave the people who have supported for years,and have done things like slam doors really loud to frighten me tell me i most watch the front door as they are going to kick it in,also they are going to get who ever to break the window and also have put so much time into letting me know that they will do what ever it takes to get me out and to get me in any form of trouble possible from going out of their way to fix someone to provoke me so i have no choice but to react,also have had endless talks with other people to voice out their demands that i must leave this area as these people have told me so.The best thing about all this is they spend so much time telling me how much they hate me and want me out that they pay more notice of me hen some one who i have just met.Without doubt they want me to play along with them by showing them if i can possible handle myself and are so hell bent on wanting to know if i can have gone out of their way to get some to join in and bait me into a fight as they want me in trouble also want me to get hurt in any shape of form as they cant think of any thing they want m,ore then to see me in trouble.To be the object of these people attenstion is what i have been cause not a day has gone by where they have not ignored me they are well into this attachment that they have in me,they have made me feel so uneasy that i dare remove any clothes a they might do something to me so ***** wash here and there but even going to the bath room the accompany and tell me over and over how dirty i am how they hate me how i most watch my back and that they are going to get me to flip,they have also told me that they are going to do what ever to my girl friend just to get me to react to them they have the need to prove to me what they can do,i have gone into myself just lately due to the fact every thing i do is being taken notice of and i feel like i am staying in a glass house where i am on show for all to see and do as they please,as it means so much to go out of teir way every hour God sends into intimadating me.Due to the fact of my mental break down and  the fact i am a drug user they seem to be putting more and more effort into this hate project, as they call me nutty and i have to prove what they are doing so they are untouchable and a law upon themselves,and they have people ready and waiting to do what ever needs to be done as they have told me to never go to my flat and i am going to get shot,so i write things that are being said to me and i have also had to keep times as well,and they have given me alot of time.When i ignore them they dont like it at all so they go out of their way even more to get my attenstion,the people who i am staying with are of a certain age and even thou they dont mix with anybody much apart from me and my partner have now become part of their hate tactics by slamming doors while they are sleeping and throwing bottles down the shute and tellingthem how to live their lives.What they dont like is the fact i am a drug user and i am very close with the person who s flat i am staying in they comment on that also as he is of a certain age and he is my next of kin my closest friend who i love and adore and has stood by me through thick and thin,and his sister who i am also close with have been labled as out of order for letting a as they put it a crack head stay in the block of flats these people are staying in.For 11 years they have been here without no infereance from any one as Barry puts it they dont bother anyone else and nobody bothers them,well you have people who have to do things that people who go about their daily lives would normally not get involved in,but for this group of people they want to tell people what they can and cant do as they want you to take notice of them even thou they are strangers and people who i have never even been in the company of, i have never been into  their flat or even had the pleasure of them telling me how much they hate me ,they have done this all through talking aloud in whatever room so i can hear them,some times they talk in genral so i can hear them but apart from the fact they hate me they are willing to keep the routine going and i guess as they keep telling me i have no idea who i am ******* with,but why should i care when all i am doing is minding my business and leaving them to carry on with the hate and the threats and the banging and the set ups and the fact they are willing to break down doors or as they tell me i must run when i see any members of this new group,but what ever they say and do its them that are doing all the work and its them who are putting the time into what they are doing to me and they say i aint worth it but yet they are still calling me whatever and telling me to leave but if it takes a person they hate to do what they do and they blame iet on my drug use,when most days walking into the building you can smell the drugs they are willing to set me up and are arranging away for me to be killed,either way they are connected to what ever happens whether i am nutty or not,they have been talking about what they are going to do to me day and night,and they dont care who hears what,.But i have to point out that the people who are targeting me are not kids they are adults but hate me so much that they really think i believe that every single person in the area hates me thses a few i agree but these people who go about their lives not worrying about anybody elses life and pay attentstion to the people and things that are worth bothering about.As these better things to do to spend your time  or less you take notice of every little thing in life that gets your back up and as a result thats what helps you take your mind off any thing that may be wrong in your life by taking notice and by telling people how to live their life,no matter how crap or how important they may not be everyone has their own ways of doing things and what ever that person choices its their life intil,you have someone who has a problem with whatever it is they dont like so they take your life.No matter what i am called and no matter what is done i go through life as it comes now as some one who is apart of this group wants to take great pride in taking my life and showing people what this person or persons can do as hate makes you do alot of things that you wouldnt normally do and i guess to kill would slove the problem for this group as all they seem to do is live to provoke and intimadate me and break me so i get to the point where i end my life as these only so much you can take,.as these people are so proud of what they are doing so far that i guess they will take it to another level as they have a taste for what they are doing now,so i doubt that they cant stop thinking about me and now they are in the process of seting me up in some way by telling the police i am nutty,but to call the police and tell them whatever it will come across that you have had to have taken some form of notice in this person to make the call in the first place,so agian these nothing this group of people are not willing to do when it comes to me.I am am their personal drug of choice and as the days have gone by they have taken more and more notice of me and have given me so much of their time that they have to be seen and heard above all and seen to be showing me how much i go get their attenstion in what they say and do it all comes back to the fact,that they have a point to prove and through me at any cost they will do it.I live in England Bham Edgbaston just off the main rd that takes you into the heart of the city centre its a wonder this group of people live in the neck of the woods that the flat i am staying is since they have a ;problem with drugies and prosuites and the flat is off the hagley rd,which used to have some lovley people in it all of a sudden they have never come across anyone like me so they have been transfixed on methey want me to leave the people i am close to i am told people like me shouldnt have anyone around them  even now they are so intreasted in what i am putting down that they are telling me agian what to put down never have i ever come across people who are driven by hate and pushy people who want you to follow what you are being told because they have said it,and i dont even know them...well agian its back to the planning board and as usal i am the topic of converstation and they are talking about kicking the door down,and telling me that people are sick of me smoking when its up to the peoples whos flat i am staying in .qs its not done in anyboby elses flat,oh well they hate me but they cant stop talking to me or about me and are still telling what i must do,well if i am going to be having my life took soon by a member of this group or linked to this group i am going to carry on and live them to their arrangments and planning and their routine of daily threats i have a good docter who can back up any issues about m,y state of mind as this group is playing on my mental state as they want me gone in any way thank you all i will up date this  evry time i can as i have been told that a member of the group has made a cal;l and also someone is going out of their way once agian for me to kick the door,aint i so lucky to have this much attenstion from such a lovley group of strangers who pass the time judging people and threatening them and telling them how to live their life,such out going people to pay the likes of me  the time of day yet they cant bear not to exchange a single word to me as the time goes by...  

nuttyrocker nuttyrocker
26-30, F
1 Response Feb 27, 2010

I do not understand what is up in my mind when I do these things.