Kindness Kills Me

Being kind isn't a bad thing. In fact we need more in certain aspects of life. However, sometimes you can't be kind in order to protect yourself. I'm a fine example of this. I'm young and don't have much experience in the world, I realize this, but my nature is forgiving and gentle. I enjoy understanding people and I enjoy helping people with their problems. Some people who read that might think that's awesome or they wish they could do that. My problem with that is people take advantage. I fell in love, I put my whole heart into it even though the other person didn't feel as passionate as I did. In fact I think they felt sorry for me, but if that was the case they shouldn't have strung me along for a year like they did. They said they needed me, said they cared, but in the end it was like a case of swimming out into water to save a drowning person. She grabbed hold of me, pushed me under, and drowned me in the process of saving herself. It's not just those types of relationships where my kindness gets taken advantage of though. I have friends who ask me for absurd favors, such as walking ten or fifteen blocks at four in the morning because my good friend says they're going to commit suicide. I don't mind because they're my friends that I love. I'll do anything for them, which is where my kindness goes too far. One of the most painful moments in my life was walking thirty blocks to visit some friends I hadn't seen in a while only to have them tell me to go back home over a text message. They let me sit out in humid, nasty weather for an hour wondering what I ever did besides be kind to them. What's worse was I was invited over. Some people might ask, "Why do you even bother with people who treat you like that?" or answer "Those people aren't true friends."

It's not that simple for me. The problem is they were never like that with me. Despite that I've learned in my short amount of life, that people never change who they are. I'm not talking about people who quit an addiction or go to therapy and fix their problems, I'm talking about a person's core. If a person grows up thinking they need to act a certain way to get certain results, they're going to continue that throughout the rest of their life because it's the only way they know how to get the results they want. Knowing this, I'm still forgiving. I'm used to consistency, where I make friends and keep them. If we fall out of touch, it doesn't happen with ill feelings - simply because we're busy. For the first time in my life I had to forcefully remove people as if they died, because they're "Not good for me." Now I'm stuck in a place where they hate me because I've stopped talking to them and a place where I hate myself because I know it's not my fault. People who have done wrong things to me - used me, made fun of me, played with my feelings - I forgive. There has to be a line somewhere between being too nice and too cruel. A line that keeps you and those other people in boundary.
18-21, F
1 Response Jul 18, 2010

I feel you. I am a very compassionate person and always considerate of everyone's feelings. I always look for the good in people when people label them as "fake" or "greedy". I too, have been taken advantage of in relationships and in many life experiences. Sometimes I need to tone down my nice-ness. lol I don't think that's a word. But I feel you on this one xx