Still Self-hating

I am failing all the time. I have succeeded at nothing in my whole life. I often can't see the point in trying. I feel awful about how sh!t my life has been so far. I mean my adult life. I have screwed it up and caused hurt for other people in the process. I can't seem to stop scewing-up all the time.

I hate myself for still having sh!t social skills and for being so poor.

I will die early with the lifestyle that I have.

I need to change my life immediately. I need to change my life completely.

I need to find someone who will really love me. I need to be a person who could be loved and I am not yet because I do not love myself. I have been told by a great many people that noone can ever love me until I love myself. Hearing this has always made me very very sad. So I need to find out how to to start to 'love myself' I haven't got a clue and I don't really think that I am lovable at all so it is going to be hard. If I don't thhen there is little point existing.

demonizd demonizd
31-35, M
10 Responses Feb 14, 2009

God is YOUR answer. That's YOUR definition/concept of what/who God is anyway. My concept of God is somewhat less personal or human.. Anyway, I don't really appreciate that comment.. you sound like you're preaching.

God is the answer. I don't know how as i am still learning myself because i found out the hard way. I was always angry with him and some of the time i still am but i pray and i talk to him. I haven't done the full cross over where i go to church and meet up with other christians because i feel that for me the way i approach the journey is what will ultimately bring me closer to him. Just start by praying or keep a journal and address it to him. See what happens

I see your point, and I do get much worse moods when I am malnourished. I can be more positive in my mind when I feel well in my body. <br />
Thank you for commenting. :)

Some of my grammer is off as well as my spelling. I am new to this form of communication, I will try not to hurry and at least spell check.

Your story is familiar. Many people struggle with the philosophical question of how to make changes in their life but before that can really be answered you need to deal with the physiological aspects of your body. Your body is a finely tuned machine and it does not take much to whack it out of balance which in turn manifests itself on an emotional level. By making changes in your body, your mind will follow and things will look completely different. Making sure your sugar blood levels are always balanced will have a direct effect on energy and mood. It takes time to make changes in diet but once you see the direct results it is hard to ignore. My husband you to get cranky and moody around noon, especially if we were out shopping. I explained to him it was because of blood sugar levels and that his mood would change if he ate something. It always works. The hard part is when they are out of whack it is hard to make rational decisions and that includes the decision to actually eat something. Last but not least, quality over quantity. Good Luck.

yay - i hope you're still doing this...

Written to the sound of:<br /><br />
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Thankyou your Highnezz, I really appreciate that.. yes your comment really makes me think. I'm totally in agreement.. and I think (now, I'm up) that the answer is yes we can change. I got some great advice from my friends here and am working on building my self-esteem/self-image/whtever by correcting negative self-talk and by writing out my 'affirmations' every morning, by hand. I also have my 'declaration' too. i can remind myself REGULARLY of these truths that I used to be prone to forgetting/denying.<BR><BR>ALL human beings have worth & value <BR><BR><BR>ALL human beings have purpose and are significant <BR><BR><BR>ALL human beings can and will make mistakes <BR><BR><BR>ALL human behaviors, characteristics, values, etc. can be modifed

Ahh, I am the same as you, I have lived my whole 25 years loving others as a supplement to loving myself, and it has often left me heartbroken, tattered, torn, broken, confused, hurt, angry, and somewhat hopeless, not to mention a thousand more bad faults. I suppose it has to do with never being taught or raised to love myself, after all can a theif be an honest person? can the rich really love the poor, can the simple understand the complex,??? I suppose if they can if there is just one yes to any of those, then we too might have a chance at loving ourselves. For me I was made to believe that loving yourself was nothing but selfish. So I have a long history of neglecting myself, I still havent changed, but I am working on it, hell life is all trial and error anyway, you live and you learn... as long as you apply the lessons to your next test then you can get by. Love is like a craps game, sometimes u win sometimes u loose.. but as long as u realize that before playing the game u should feel no shame!

:) thankyou.

last paragraph is very true. It makes you sad, but why? see, many poeple had similar troubles you have and they were able to start loving them selves. You can do it tooo. Believe in yourself. Start with small steps. Look in the mirror in the morning (but dont scare yourself by your morning-look, lol) and tell for yourself in your mind: Today I will smile, I will try to help someone. <br />
:)<br />
but dont be sad if it doesnt work out, it;s only begining and beginnings are tough.