You'll Never Get A Good Man If You Don't Clean Your House...

The voice of my mother and my aunt play over and over in my head. So much that I almost hate myself when I do have a sparkling clean house (it does happen). I don't like living in a mess but sometimes I think I'm tempting the men I date to accept me for the mess I live in. Maybe I'm looking for someone who sees me for more than my house cleaning skills (or lack of). I've tried to be ok with cleaning my house, I really don't mind it physically, I just can't stand the voices in my head condemning me to a life of loneliness and self-spite if I don't have it clean. I never let it get too bad (I have to live in it) but it could be a lot better, with just a little bit of work. I look around at the clutter and I think how quick and easy it would be to just pick it up (sometimes I even give in) but then I hear the voices in my head. I've never had a good relationship with my mother (doesn't that sound like a symptom of depression or something worse?) she always kept a spotless house, but I think it's only because she thought it'd land her a good man (she's been married 4 times so obviously cleanliness isn't the only factor). 

The truth is it'd only take me, maybe an hour to clean my house from top to bottom and I rather enjoy doing it, turn the music on, work to the beat, sing along and it's done before I know it. I've found several tricks that work when it comes to cleaning house without making myself crazy about it. "10 minutes at a time" is my number one rule. But that doesn't stop the voices. (I sound insane huh?)

Anyways. You can call me Missy. I found this site looking for answers on a terrifying dream I had last night and I guess I'm finding this site might be helpful for all my problems. 
fiveminutestillbedtime fiveminutestillbedtime
31-35, F
1 Response Aug 14, 2010

country if any