For 14 years i have been married to a man whos mouth and off the wall temper has more than once.... ripped my heart out and left me lifeless. I have tried many time to get rid of him, but he refuses to leave.... i am one heck of a good wife....i work, clean, feed and wait on him, whole-heartly, why leave someone like me. I am a soft hearted woman but a Fool. Always being a crowd pleaser and never putting myself first.

It all changed last night after him being on a drunken roll for a week! The ugliness and hurtful behavior and words he dished out was all i could handle.
You see we have had company from out of state vacationing with my husband and i. They are reallly bad folks but they are my husband kin. I am the hostess with the mostess. huh.... anyway, my husband had an audience this week and he really was on his soapbox telling all how messed up i am and all that is wrong with me. I can't even explain how sick i felt listening to this.... in my face thinky! ....ALL lies....

I asked two days ago for these out of towner to leave, they were making everything dangerous for me! They refused and then went and told my husband what i asked of them. All hell broke out! He came home from work in a state of mind that would scare satan himself. wow.....

He began threaten my life, said he was going to gut my animals so i could come home to dead babies.  sigh.............. Then he said he was going to burn me out.... he "tried" to light a fire by the back door. ........ Let me add some history here..... in 2004, my son comes home from Iraq and this same day, due to electric short my house burnt to the ground. I lost Everything! The worse thing to do to me was what he tried to do!

I picked up a 7 foot walking stick and .... stopped him!!!!!!!!!!!! I maybe going to jail, he reported me to the police. I gave my outlook on the crap that went down. No arrests were made. Yes, i hurt him badly! The shame of my uncontrolled temper will haunt me for the rest of my life. I can not hurt even an ant.... :~(

So, today is the first day of the rest of my life. I can live in peace now. Never again will i worry or cry or stay sick from his abuse!
My decision to stay in my marriage has been made!!!  My lawyer will handle the rest. My husband is ..... no more!
Now for the next chapter of my life.

MorningBreeze MorningBreeze
56-60, F
41 Responses Jun 26, 2010

Bye Bye Hubby !

that was over 4 yrs ago... all is well today!

Would you please add me....

I will check out your profile. Thank you

I admire you for be courageous enough to get out of your abusive marriage. I hope you find lots of happiness in the next chapter of your life. All the best to you.

*smile* Thank you for your kind words. Right back at you... All the best to you.

Thanks. I really appreciate it. :)

How are things going for you now......have they gotten better ?

yes, much better now! *smile* ... thank you!

Wow, good for you ! That was 4 years ago, how is life now ?

dreams come true, did you know that? ;-)

Nope, didn't know that. Maybe my dreams were nightmares.

good for you and as for you asking for them to leave in my book is the right thing to do because it is your house as well as his so you should have a say so in who stays and who goes. Good luck in your new life and when you find the right one make sure you are best friends first. they make the best husbands. or lovers.

without a doubt, my love is my best friend. we have had over one year to see... we love the same hobbies, adores mother nature, desires the same style of life and both of us are givers... it doesn't get any better. Thank you.


OMG... *smile* I wrote this almost 4 years ago. Damn... I've lived a lifetime in those 4 years too! I still turn the pages and begin new chapters... a never-ending story... till my end!

Should be about time to find someone who will treasure you for the precious lady you are.
Yes I do have someone in mind; and I would be most happy to be considered.

Considered...? You dear sir are a requirement for this precious lady\'s heart .... *smile*

I think that makes it a deal. Come over here I want a kiss to seal it.

X who loves ya babe!? ME

Yes; I know we share a very strong love:))

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Glad to know you Moved on to a new chapter...in the book of life. Abuse on a spouse is Toxic. But it doesn't have to be *With your Fist*...Verbal is enough..
I am divorced too. But for different reasons.
Good Luck

Thank you. I wish you many blessings as well. ...June 26th, 2010...3 yrs later and I am not the same... better, over the top..better.

So good for you! I'm jealous! :) Thanks for sharing and inspiring me to be stronger in my decisions. Hugs

it was the most ugliest of days that day...time in my life. it was a day of reckoning, an over-dued day. i lost of much precious time and energy. my prayers and wishes of blessings go out to you soulrunher. hugs.... *smile* take care

Thank you sweet lady! I just noticed the date on the post. So are you divorced now? Do you have happiness in your life now?

Wow, you are a courageous woman indeed....glad you made it out of that bad joo joo...uck! How awful, you must forgive yourself, you were only trying to defend yourself. I can only imagine the courage it would take to undergo dealing with this man especially because you are such a giver. I hope things are getting better for you now....new hobbies etc. Life has so much to offer us even as single ladies!

yes, i am so much better in so many ways. that was one biggest milestone day of my life! it opened doors i did not know were there. i have forgiven myself, just recently.. never hurt anyone before... but would I do it again.. Yup! in a heart beat!

Good to hear....wouldn't mind having a friend like you...when the going gets tough people like us do what we have to in order to survive....I haven't been through that but I have been harshly controlled by the one I thought I loved and wanted to marry. Luckily we have broken up since and I am happily single...enjoying my life!

love that you ave been on here long enough to show the whole story i just found site the other day I hate facebook, all the stupid copy paste life is happy get over it stuff, this site is cool real life not just bs fake stuff. have only been on few times but there seem to be some real people here and am enjoying the stories thank you for being yourself and God bless

Blessing to you as well! Thank you. I have always written in my notebooks, learned thru... review. :) and then when i got a computer in 07..lol.. i began reading others, what they felt or went thru, exactly as i have.. well...a door flew open, and here i sit most days... jabbering away hoping someone like me comes along and says.... well i'll be! i ain't the only one going thru this. it helps, heals a soul to relate to others with the same mindset!

Wow...just wow.

it's been a.... OMG event! From that day to this day! But I am standing proudly, still a tad confused but... exhale.......... I made it thru!

I'm so glad you've made it through. You sound strong and focused on LIFE. I'm sorry for what you've endured. No one deserves to be treated that way.

I "allowed" such treatment!! Till the ... second in life told me... NO MORE! I followed the lead, got out, restarted myself... i am slow but sure!

I don't think that "allow" is the right word. We put up with things for a miriad of reasons - not all of them sane or rational - that we use to justify staying. "Allow" implies that they do it with our consent...not so. It's okay to accept responsibility for your own actions or inactions, but you don't have to accept responsibility for what another person CHOOSES to do.

1 More Response

Sometimes you have to fire the photon torpedoes.......Good luck!

It's been over two years now.... omg... wow! It's been a wild ride, a learning experience I will never forget. BUT I hope I never will feel like that again. sigh....

Glad you got out of that nightmare of a marriage. It has always disturbed me that people can be so cruel to each other. Especially to the one they should love the most. Congratulations on your new life, hope everything is going well!

Thank you. i have nor will ever understand cruel people. if you don't like or respect one another... well..heck.. walk away. it took me many years to have courage, it was stolen, but i recovered it. : ) Yup... my new life is ever-changing, but in only good ways! Thank you! Blessings to you lostinmyownhome.

I wish to say something to all that are in doubt that they can make life better, saner, peaceful life for themselves by walking out of a marriage that is stealing their souls.... it can be done, nothing is free... it takes willpower and love for oneself to make a better life... standing alone! so... try it you might like it! It's been a test of character for me, but the worst is over and it was worth it!!!!!!!!!!!! *smile*

This exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you so much for the inspiration.

Thank you! Happy Holidays! May this New Year that is coming up... be a bright new future for you. *smile*

Good on you. I was married for 17 years to a man I adored and gave everything to who treated me just the same, destroyed my self esteem, my confidence and my belief in who I was. I can happily say that I am now 8 years on and have never looked back. Be strong, be yourself and all will come well in the end and you will be stronger and better for the journey x

oh thank you! yup, my ex stole all those things from me as well. its be tough and trying... i been bouncing around hoping to settle.... i am getting there, it's been two years in another couple of months since i freed myself from him. It took 14 plus years for him to ... rob me of my self... i figure i got a few more years in totally healing from his abuse. everyday is a challenge but i do alright cause i will never give up on myself!

Oh YOU are after my heart, I hate abusive drunks that threaten animals and women. IS it all over by now, this was written a while ago?

he still ... bugs me by ..whatever... he "trys" to get under my skin but.. I will not allow it and it rolls off my back .. easier now! ;) ... almost two years.... i see the light and i am glad i am where i am and happy to be who i am! so.. i have been blessed.. through all the bs and pain..yee haw! i survived!

Are you divorced now? I am happy that you have survived and are blessed. Ye Haw!

........re read WOW! *smile* sigh............ COOL! i believe the worse is over... finally. yeehaw!

Hello IWB... boy is it hard learning the hard way! but yup.... self-discovery is a powerful feeling... thIS past year... i am better than i have been in yearssss.... sure i bite the dust every now and then... but i bounce back quicker, this is good! <br />
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Thank You hon. Hope all is well in your world. Take care

You'll never know how strong you are until you are put into a situation to find out how strong you can be. I am not happy that you went through hell, but I am pleased that you are finding out more about you. Self-discovery is a wonderful thing. It is a very empowering feeling.

ThatFeeling, Thank you. I believe i am on the path i need to be on, for now. But ... more adjustments need to be made. I'm working on it! I hope so, i would like to be appreciated! *smile*

OkCountryBoy, Thanks! It's been a year and almost to the day .. a month. So in 13 months i have learned more about me than i have my other 50 plus years!! *smile* Kinda cool, interesting and full of challenges. Let me tell you... lordy! the changes and ...heck the ride of it all has been ... mind blowing, eye opening trip! <br />
I still think of that day i totally .... wasn't myself, the fear and anger ...wow... what a combo! Made me sick. But at least i know now that if i need to ...Protect myself, i can and will!

My best wishes for you. Find your path, you have incredible patience. Someone will appreciate you.

bukks, well my friend, it's almost been one year, huh..lol... wow! i have learned to rely upon myself... i am proud of where i stand here and now. ...sigh.... lots of changes, sometimes too many at a time. .... just lately i have made a big decision, lol... another change. i have embraced my life. i am ...checking myself out and who i am and what i want....without anyone to ask, or please. this single life can be grand, lonely too but i was lonely with that man .... of yesterday! *smile* Thank you for your kind words. take care

Je--ez, i almost wept reading yr story ma-aam! So sad to see and hear how a lovely and sacred union made by God could turn into a total misery and cruelty. Anger when uncontrolled can be dangerous but if you had continued with this terrorist, who knows, your own life would have been a history and you will not be here to share with us. <br />
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Put all the sadness and bitterness behind you now and embrace a fresh new love that could come your way. This time do not feel life without marriage will be boring or not complete. Just LIVE the life you will sit back and enjoy a good L-A-U-G-H-T-E-R and please have fun. Life is pretty too short !!!

Thank you ALL! I am sorry about leaving a few of you without a comment in return!! I wrote this June 21....huh...wow.... here it is Oct. 24th....Hell of a ride! <br />
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I have survived! *smile* Better every day, learning as i go along. Yes, a true blessing! Scars and all! I never allow one bad apple to spoil the rest neither! <br />
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good for you for sticking up for yourself you should be happy that that horrid man is out of your life he has given us real good men a bad name we are all not like that some of us are loveing and careing and show respect to woman i hope that thind's work out for you and if you need to talk then you know where i am <br />

I'm proud of your courage!

DorothyofOz, Thank you! i'm still searching for .... "it's was ok to hurt someone when needed"... sounds weird, but that i am! now i pray for him to stay away.<br />
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SharedKnowledge, I do believe that thoughts create my world. i was so amp to help, care, serve him to keep him calm and happy.... i forgot to give thought to myself! Thanks for the kind words.<br />
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Wiseowl, He got the point that i was totally crazy, fearful and i was not going thru the same ol way. He was so shocked by my actions,,,, he still has no idea what went wrong! ~go figure! I started crying where i read the word Enough. I swear i have pleaded many times.... enough, stop, please.... for too many years. .... i need to post about why too. I have been "trained, conditioned, jaded to abuse that goes back....way back, to my childhood. I have seen the light and it's going to be a battle within myself to regain my .... self! Thank you for your supporting words.

Hurray for you! I hope other abused women read this .Every person has their breaking point..he's done with the gravy train now. You set the standards for him & they mean, "ENOUGH". Hope he got the point..walking stick and all your rage. Well done!!!!!!!

I'm so happy for you that you have found your inner strength; to stop the bad and say no more!<br />
Its tour time now to use your inner strength and discover the new you. The you that can be, have, or do anything you desire. but remember that it will only come if you choose to believe it will.<br />
Please if you will never dwell on the bad, erase it away, delete it, only think about the good that will come your way. And when the time comes, wen your ready to meet some one new, that person will enter your life from how you think. Do not think about what you don't want because you may end up getting the same. Think about what you do want, and it will come, life will become amazing.<br />
Thoughts create, Believe and you will see!

Yes you did - and of course, all that emotion and pain had to make you sick - hurting him went against the core of who you are - someone that does NOT hurt people they care about!! If he had that kind of conscience, you would not have suffered for as long as you did - you deserve so much better!!! You sound like you are well on your way to becoming stronger and healthier each day - good riddance to him!! woohoo!

ain't that funny.... he called the law on me and i on myself. seeee, i am not a bad person. it really hurt me to have hurt him, but I HAD TOO.

Dorothy, *smile* Thank you. You know, i have always been Blessed. In the worse of times, i remain safe and sound.... being sound has been questioned lol.... I really believe it HAD to take this much drama for me to see the light. After past experiences and knowledge of his past.... Once again, I have been Blessed!<br />
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I am proud of myself for standing tall.... and carry a big stick. ... right after i called the law on myself, i had to ....get on my knees in sickness... i never want to experience that feeling again in my life!

I read your story and am so glad that you are finally out of that situation - he was verbally, mentally and emotionally abusive way before you probably thought you had your physical self to worry about. Don't feel like a fool - you left - it might have taken you some time to believe you were WORTH it - that you DESERVED to be rid of him - but you did figure it out and hopefully learned that you ARE worth it - you do deserve a great life without being fearful and beat down emotionally every day!!! And I don't think you did anything to be ashamed of - you protected yourself!!!! I think you should be proud of yourself and excited about a hopeful, more positive future - you are VALUABLE and WORTHY - believe it!!!!

Wellll, i have reread my own story from 18 days ago. i feel sorry for my ownself. I was out there the day i post this. So very much other crap went down that day.... any ol way.... 18 days later.... it's better and all but the fight still goes on. figured it would............<br />
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JUSTICIA, thanks for the supporting words. i know you don't know me from adam ...but i do no harm to ....anything till that day. i was scared to death and totally confused.... still am.<br />
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JustLoveMe, my friend, i know you know the rest of the story from soulcast. i have had certain friends ask...."show me where he tried to start a fire" HUH.... was i to wait and see if another second or two, the tarp and tent went up in flames! sigh..... or as he came at me"growling" like a mad dog, no sh*t too, and see if he was going to "take me down?" like he told me.... wtf Thank you for ALL your support. God bless you!<br />
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my implications are the whole truth. yes there are holes in this story due to ....wow, in myself. when i filed for my order of protection, i filed a pro se divorce too. NO TWO people should live like we do/did. he disliked me and i feared him. pretty pair, weren't we? yup, i was fed up way before that day..... i could tell you stories of his behavior but ...wow... i would be telling on myself how big of a fool i have been for soooo many years. we are both free.

Wow, GOOD FOR YOU!! Don't you be mad at yourself for standing up to him, he is a stupid a** animal! He deserved it. If it wasn't you, it would of been someone else. You are free now and yeah you should take care of YOU first then later on if you feel like dating then do so. Take care and good luck......

Uptonogd i hope someday i can find true love. But for now, it's "me" time. iIneed to work through many hang-up that i have developed. I'm getting too old to be wasting much time. I will dare to soar again in life!

CuriousSgt. i have looked back through the past 14 years this past day. Reviewing my actions towards his.... i am full of shame for what i have allowed! For even considering him back is out of the question. Today has been so quiet, no yelling, no insults. *smile* I look forward to my new life! Monday i'll be taking care of business, i will strike so hard and fast, with my lawyers help.... the "animal" will never know what hit him. It WILL be awhile till i feel truly safe.....but i do have several more walking sticks.

No one deserves to be abused...there are so many nice people in the world. Move on, find someone to love you and respect you. You only live once...enjoy it