At A Cross Roads

My husband and I have been in a sexless marriage for a long time now. Haven't shared a bed in over a year, any and all physical intimacy is gone. We'll peck each other good bye or good night and that's it. I have been shot down time and time again for sex to the point where I stopped trying. It was also taking a toll on my self esteem, and a feeling of such loneliness. Then one day a guy came along and showed me the attention I've been missing for so long. It felt so good to feel that way again. I miss feeling that way, I want to feel that feeling again and again. My husband has his reasons for not wanting to be with me, but I'm not buying them. We called it quits earlier this week and was supposed to go to his mom's so we can have some time apart. He was going to bring our baby girl so his mom can spend time with her since she hasn't seen my daughter in a while. He told me today he didn't want to go and doesn't want our marriage to end. I told him he could go to his mom's next weekend when she goes to her cottage. I told him I need time away from him so I can think things through and about what I really want. The problem is, all I know is I miss feeling like the beautiful woman I am.
lovinlife81 lovinlife81
36-40, F
5 Responses Jul 11, 2010

My post: "Me too". This is a shame - a travesty. I am leaning towards redefining what is acceptable. For too long we have been told that we must either divorce or live in marriage void of love, sex, happiness. We've been told that to find a 'friend' is tantamount to "cheating". That concept is nothing more than emotional blackmail and twisted logic. There should be a site similar to "eHarmony" but for us married but dead people. Let's not let others dictate our lives to us, nor will we let others brand us as "cheaters". I dream of the day when I can have a female friend who has likes and dislikes similar to mine.

I am glad that. I found this site. Let's me know that I am not alone. I have been in a passionless marriage for over 15 years and I like many gave up long ago. Grew tired of the rejection and just shutdown completely. I have discussed counseling at least 3 different times over the past 10 years and she refuses. Doesn't want to discuss it. I know she cares for me in her own way but I need more than a room mate. My youngest graduated high school this year and I am ready for a change. I've lived the first 46 years for everyone else now it's time to do something for me.

I am in a very similar situation so I can truly empathize with you. Maybe time away will help you and your partner to sort things out. Counseling is also an option There are many stories that are similar yet the answers for everyone are always so different. I hope no matter what happens that you find your happiness and of course good luck.

I am in a similar situation, eventually you will switch off completely & almost shut down. <br />
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You have to go to counselling & get it sorted or leave , which is difficult, affects so many others & is costly.<br />
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I am finding it so very hard to do but deep down know something has to be done.<br />
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My thoughts are with you.

I am in the same boat with my marriage. My wife has appearently no desire to be close either... your post sounds like something Id write. The empty bed, goodbye peck and the feeling of rejection...i gave up on initiating sex close to a year ago....couldnt handle the feelings of's easier on me to go without than to try and get rejected. weve had sex 2x since my daughter was conceived (and shes 2 now).<br />
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I also met someone. I spent some time with her and she made me feel wanted and special..never went farther than sitting on the couch together holding hands but it made me happy.. I ended that because it wasnt fair to her or my wife. Now, im unhappy and lonley again.<br />
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Id leave if my daughter was older but then I cant really afford to anyway.